Friend Zoned

(Keegan’s point of view)

To my surprise, Jeff didn’t show up to the birthday celebration, and I wasn’t going to lie and say I wasn’t relieved. As much as I wanted to focus on having a good time with everyone, my mind kept wandering back to Brees. I missed her. I missed everything about her, from her laugh and her sarcastic comments to the way she looked at me when she thought I wasn’t paying attention. I missed being the person she turned to when something was bothering her. Most of all, I missed us. Whatever we were now, it certainly wasn’t what I wanted us to be.

After our game of axe throwing, I noticed Brees had run back inside to grab her jacket. I watched her disappear through the doors, and before I could overthink it, I followed her. I knew I needed to talk to her, even if it was only for a few minutes. I had so much I wanted to say, but every time I got near her, my mind seemed to go completely blank.

As I headed up the steps, Brees came rushing back down, apparently in a hurry. She missed a step and stumbled forward, and before either of us could react, she literally fell right into my arms.

For a second, the entire world seemed to stop.

My arms instinctively wrapped around her waist to keep her from falling, and she grabbed onto my shoulders to steady herself. Her face was only inches from mine, and I could feel my heart pounding against my chest. I had forgotten how good it felt to hold her. Her familiar scent filled my senses, and I wanted nothing more than to pull her closer and never let go.

I froze, completely caught up in the moment. I hadn’t planned on trying to kiss her that day, but standing there with her in my arms made it almost impossible to think about anything else. My eyes drifted to her lips, and for a split second, I wondered if she was thinking the same thing I was.

I wanted her so badly it actually hurt.

But, of course, Casey had to interrupt whatever moment we might have had. She called out to us, breaking the spell, and Jeff wasn’t exactly helping matters either. In Jeff’s defense, Brees was his girlfriend, so I couldn’t really blame him for stepping in. As much as it frustrated me, I had to respect their relationship, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.

At some point, though, all of this had to die down. Brees and I couldn’t keep dancing around each other, pretending there wasn’t something unresolved between us. We needed to sit down and have an honest conversation, even if it meant hearing things I didn’t want to hear.

Jada had been a huge help through all of this. She and Brees were constantly texting, and Jada made sure to keep me in the loop whenever she could. I wasn’t sure if Brees even knew that Jada and I weren’t dating anymore, but I hadn’t exactly found the right moment to explain that either. Despite everything, Jada had become a really good friend. She understood how deeply I felt about Brees and, surprisingly, continued to support me, even when I probably didn’t deserve it.

I had managed to apologize to Brees, but I knew that saying I was sorry wasn’t going to magically fix everything I’d done. I had hurt her, disappointed her, and given her reasons not to trust me. I couldn’t expect her to simply forget all of that because I suddenly realized how badly I wanted her back. If I was going to have any chance of rebuilding what we’d lost, I had to earn her trust again. And I knew that was going to take time.

A few days had passed since I held her hand in Baylen’s car, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. That little moment had given me hope, even though I wasn’t sure if I should have allowed myself to feel that way. Maybe it meant something to her, too. Maybe she was just as confused as I was. I kept checking my phone, hoping to see her name pop up on my screen, but nothing came.

Eventually, I grabbed my phone and flopped onto my futon, staring at our text conversation. I typed out a message, deleted it, and started another one. Everything sounded either too desperate or too casual. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, how much I missed her, and how much I loved her. But every time I tried to put those feelings into words, I froze.

Finally, I gave up and sent her a silly GIF of two people sledding down a hill before crashing into a giant snowman. It was ridiculous, but it reminded me of the kind of stupid things we used to laugh about together. Maybe it would make her smile. Maybe it would give us a reason to start talking again.

A few seconds later, the three little dots appeared on my screen.

My heart practically jumped out of my chest.

She was typing.

I sat up, staring at my phone, waiting for her response. Then the dots disappeared.

Nothing.

A moment later, the GIF received a simple thumbs-up reaction.

I stared at it, feeling my stomach sink. A thumbs-up? Seriously? That was all I got?

I tossed my phone onto the futon beside me and dragged both hands down my face. I knew I had messed things up, but seeing that little reaction somehow made everything feel so much worse.

I was officially being friend-zoned by the girl I was completely in love with.

And the worst part was that I had absolutely no idea how to get out of it.