Pathetically Beautiful

I dragged my bruised and painful body into the bathroom. I must have done something to make him as mad as he was tonight. He hasn't beaten me like this in months. Pulling myself up onto my feet, using the skin to hold me up, I take a lot at his handy work. Somehow, he had managed to control himself and hadn't left a mark on my face. I guess he remembered that tomorrow was the first day of school. 

I turned on the shower, wincing as the hot water hit my sore skin. I tried to block out the memories of what had just happened, focusing instead on the upcoming school year. Maybe this year would be different. Maybe I could finally find a way out of this hell.

As I washed away the blood and tears, I couldn't help but wonder how long I could keep up this. How long could I pretend that everything was fine when, in reality, my stepfather was a powerful mafia boss who controlled every aspect of my life. I stood there, letting the water run over my body. My mind raced with a million thoughts, his voice flashing through my head, making my body tremble with fear. He was never going to leave me alone. All the dreams I had of running away and starting a new life were only sad, pathetic dreams that would never come true. The only way I was ever going to get out of this was by him killing me.

I turned off the water, feeling physically and emotionally drained. I wrapped a towel around myself, went over to the mirror, and took one last look at myself, seeing more bruises appearing right before my eyes. I knew I couldn't let anyone see what was happening behind closed doors, and I would have to make sure tomorrow at school, I hid every last one of them. 

As I got ready for bed, every movement sent waves of pain through me. Each step felt like knives digging into my skin. 

I crawled into bed, pulling the covers tight around me as if they could protect me from the monster lurking in the shadows. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to push back the memories of his angry face, his clenched fists, and his cruel words.

I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the pain that consumed me. I tried to focus on happy memories, on better times before everything had turned dark and twisted.

But no matter how hard I tried to escape, the pain followed me like a shadow, never letting me forget the torment I endured day in and day out. The physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional scars that ran deep within my soul.

I've tried a million times to work out why he does the things he does to me, but I could never find an answer. Was it because he enjoyed seeing me suffer? Or was it because he was just simply a monster? Him being a monster would make more sense. You don't become the most powerful mafia boss without being one. 

I tried to push these thoughts away as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. But even in my dreams, there was no escape from him; he haunted me in every day possible.

The next morning, I woke up feeling exhausted and broken. Every movement sent bolts of pain through my body.

As I got ready for school, I carefully covered up my bruises with makeup and wore long sleeves to hide the evidence of his abuse. I plastered on a fake smile and pretended like everything was normal like nothing had happened the night before.

But inside, I was screaming. I was suffocating under the weight of his violence, drowning in a sea of fear. 

As I walked through the halls of the school, surrounded by laughing classmates and teachers, I felt like a ghost haunting my own life. No one knew the truth about what went on behind closed doors, about the horrors that awaited me at home. And that is how it was going to stay. 

I avoided everyone, but that was hard because they all made me a freak. I kept my head down all day, avoiding eye contact with anyone who passed by. i didn't want anyone to notice me and see the sad pathetic broken girl that i am. 

As I walked out of my last class of the day, my mind was consumed with thoughts of how I was going to survive another night at home. I collided with someone, sending my books scattered across the floor. Pain shot through my body as I fell to the ground. I quickly scrambled to gather my books, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.

"Watch where you're going, idiot," a deep voice growled above me. I looked up and saw Braxton Young standing over me, his eyes dark and intimidating. He was known as the bad boy of the school, with a reputation for being ruthless and cold-hearted. His family were my stepfather's biggest enemies. from what i understood they were another mafia group in town that threatened to destroy him. Brax's father was their boss, and Brax was being trained to take over his father's employer. 

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered, trying to avoid his gaze, not wanting to anger him further. 

Brax's expression softened slightly. His eyes met mine, and for a moment, I saw something flicker in them - maybe it was pity.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice surprisingly gentle.

My heart started to race. I had never had someone ask me that before. He knelt down next to me and started helping me pick up my books. I watched in shock. It made no sense to me. Why would he help me. 

As he reached out to hand me my last book, his hand accidentally brushed against mine. And in that split second, a wave of panic and fear washed over me. Memories of my stepfather's rough hands on my skin flooded back, and I couldn't control the reaction that followed.

I jerked away from Brax as if he had burned me, my heart pounding in my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes as I scrambled to my feet, clutching my books tightly to my chest. "Don't touch me," I whispered hoarsely, the words barely audible.

Brax looked taken back by my sudden outburst. He couldn't understand what he had done wrong; he was simply trying to be nice to me. His confusion was evident in his eyes. "Hey, calm down," he said softly, reaching out a hand towards me again. But I couldn't bear the thought of anyone touching me at that moment.

Without another word, I turned and ran down the hallway as fast as I could, ignoring the stares and whispers that followed me. My mind was a whirlwind of emotions - fear, shame, anger. My body screamed at me in pain. I didn't stop running until I reached the safety of the empty library, where I made my way to the back, hiding in the shelves and collapsing onto the ground and letting the tears flow freely.

I knew Brax meant no harm; he was simply being kind, but the feeling of his hand touching mine brought so many painful memories flooding through my head that I couldn't handle it. The walls around me seemed to close in as I struggled to catch my breath and calm myself down.

And as I sat there alone, trembling and broken, I realized just how deep the scars from him truly ran. And how hard it would be to ever heal from them if I ever got the chance to. 

I hid in the library for over an hour, not wanting to go out into the halls in case I ran into Brax again I was so embarrassed by the way I had acted I wished so badly that I didn't fear everything in life I wished that I was strong.

Eventually, I decided that it would be safe to leave. I knew that if I stayed with her any longer, then it would anger my stepfather more, and he would beat me harder. I gathered my things and made my way out of the library, trying to ready myself for what awaited me at home.

As I walked through the front door of my small, run-down flat that sat behind the large missions that the rest of my family lived in, the familiar smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol hit me. My heart sank as I heard his voice.

"Well, well, look who decided to grace us with her presence," my stepfather sneered as he stood up from my desk. His eyes were cold. The way his eyes looked me up and down with so much lust sent shivers down my spine.

"Now that you're 18, it's time you start pulling your weight around here," he said with a smirk. He picked up a photo frame sitting on my desk and stared at it. "You'll be helping out with the family business from now on," he said.

My breath caught in my throat as fear gripped me. I knew what that meant. Even though I had been kept out of the mafia life, I knew what he had in mind for me. I had seen enough to know that the family business was not something I wanted any part of. But with my stepfather, there was no room for arguing or refusing. When I didn't answer him but instead just stood there frozen with fear, he walked through the photo across the room, shattering the glass.

"You will do as you're told," he growled, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me closer to him. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he spoke. "You belong to me, and you will do whatever the fuck I tell you to."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to pull away from him, but his grip was too strong. I knew that fighting back would only make things worse for me.

"do you understand?" he screamed louder.

I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak. My whole body was shaking with fear as he released me and leaned in close, his eyes cold and threatening. "Good," he said with a smirk before pushing me away roughly.

I stumbled back, pulling myself together, waiting to hear him slam the door so I could fall apart. The door behind me slammed shut, making me jump a little. It all started to sink in that there really was no escaping the living hell I called life. By bringing me into the family business, he had just tightened his grip on me. 

It didn't take long for him to stick to his word about me joining the family business. About an hour after he left, when I thought I was safe from him tonight, he came bursting through my door, scaring me half to death.

" you need to go pick up something for me," he barked, his eyes cold.

As much as I didn't want to do it, I knew better than to argue with him. If I did, he would beat me again, and I don't think my body could handle that right now. It's still sore and broken from last night's beating. I nodded my head, not making eye contact with him. he came closer to me, grabbing my cheeks in his hand and squeezing them tight.

"don't fuck this up, or I will punish you", his voice filled with malice and threat. Just as I thought he was going to let me go, he pressed his lips hard into mine. A lump grew in my throat as I tried to swallow the vomit that threatened to come out. I didn't move; I was frozen with fear, knowing that if I moved an inch, he would punish me; feeling disgusted and violated, I stood there trying to hide it as he pulled away from me. He just smirked at me before turning to leave the room.

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, but I fought to keep them at bay. Crying wouldn't help me. I grabbed a large, oversized hoodie and put on my shoes, heading out into the cold night air. He'd left a piece of paper on the table near my door with the address written on it. As I studied it, I groaned. The place was about an hour's walk from here, and since he would let me get my driver's license, I had no choice but to walk. Pulling my hood up over my head i started the long cold walk not knowing what i was going to find when i got there.

When I finally reached the building, I hesitated before going inside. Something felt off, but I pushed the feeling aside and entered. Whatever was inside couldn't be worse than what my stepfather would do to me if I didn't do as he asked. The dimly lit hallway was eerily quiet, and my heart raced as I made my way further inside.

As I turned a corner, I froze in fear. Four men stood in front of another guy who was kneeling on the ground. One of the men was screaming at him about the money he owed. Everything in me told me to turn and run, but I was frozen, unable to move, holding my breath as I watched the scene unfold in front of me. He begged, telling them he would have the money for them by the end of the week, his voice filled with fear. The man who was standing right in front of him pulled a gun from the back of his pants, holding it to his head before pulling the trigger. I let out a scream as the flash backs of the night that i was made to watch my step father kill my dad. The sound of a gunshot echoed through the room. I covered my eyes, trying to block it out as the image of my dad being for his life overtook me. It felt so real, like I was right back there, feeling every emotion and pain hitting my chest like I was the one who had just been shot.

The four men heard my scream, turning around to look at me. Panic surged through me as I stumbled backward, knocking over a stack of boxes. The men turned their attention and anger towards me, and without thinking, I turned and ran for dear life. Their voices bounced off the walls as they screamed after me to stop. Getting to the door, one of them fired their gun, the bullet missing me, flying past my head and hitting the door in front. I screamed again, ripping the door open and running out into the cold night air. My heart pounded in my chest, adrenaline coursing through my veins as I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Tears streamed down my face, mixing with the sweat and fear that gripped me.

I could hear the men behind me, their heavy footsteps getting closer. I didn't know where I was going, only that I needed to get away from them. My breath came in ragged gasps as I frantically looked around for a place to hide. I took the turn around the corner too fast. The sidewalk was wet and slippery, causing me to lose my balance and fall to the ground. I scrambled to my feet, feeling the men closing in on me. Just as I thought they were going to catch me, I ran headfirst into some, stopping me in my tracks. This was in my sad, pathetic life that was going to end tonight, and even now, my heart was racing with fear. A part of me was okay with the idea because I would no longer have to feel any pain. I fell to my knees, ready to meet my fate.

"hey there, are you okay?" a deep voice that I remembered from earlier today asked.

I looked up, my eyes meeting Braxs, but before I could say anything, I heard the four men that were after me come around the corner. Braxs eyes left mine, and his face became hard as he saw the three men there. He and his friends stepped around me, walking towards the four other men who were yelling at them to mind their own business, and I had a debt to pay them.

Braxs didn't back down, his posture tense as he stood in front of the men. "She's with me now."