UNCONTROLLABLY MY EMOTIONS

LOLA

My neck still ached from last night.

I knew Freddy could be brutal whenever we were in bed and he had the upper hand.

Once, he had slammed continuously into me until my p*ssy became swollen and painful around his length, because I wouldn't tell him what was bothering me.

Moments like that were painful, but thrilling as well — like a pain that sparks off pleasure.

He was like that last night, but it had ended badly — he wasn't able to get the truth out of me.

I wasn't sure how he felt after trying to the point where he had to give up because, I obviously wouldn't mind breaking a neck from holding an uncomfortable posture as long as I protect the truth.

Freddy mustn't know how my marriage with Eddy had been for the past two years. 

Freddy mustn't know how ridiculously foolish I was to dump him for Eddy because of a little pressure and a no assurance promise of a better life.

"You're unbelievable!" he had snorted, not bothering to spare me a glance after he climbed off the bed, voice heavy with that defeated emotion of a warrior that had lost every battle of his assignment.

I almost slipped on a step as I descended the staircase, but I was fast to grab the rail, my body slamming heavy on it, shamelessness pulling through my bones.

"I hate this skin," I muttered, biting down on the layers of thoughts from Eddy's commentary on my weight.

My back still ached from last night, but I ignored the pain, clasping my fingers tight as I continued to climb down the stairs.

I had descended the last step, about to take the turn that led to the main kitchen, but a voice caused me to stop in my tracks.

At first, it sounded terribly muffled, but the voices snapped on each other, I could tell it was an argument.

I didn't know anyone would be awake at that time. The Langford's, including Connor, weren't the types to leave their rooms before 6AM.

A thought urged me to go back upstairs, because I wasn't ready in any way to interact with any of the men at that time of the morning.

Not Eddy. Not Connor, and definitely not Freddy.

But somehow, my feet kept tiptoing forward until I was able to make out their voices.

Connor's voice was harsher, harder, scarier, an unsettling sensation tingled under the sole of my feet.

Eddy was mostly quiet, too quiet for the only other person in that conversation.

"Why did you do that?" 

"Man! Do what?" Eddy's voice came, a tone above how he was speaking, a controlled rage lying within.

"You're an as*h*le if you still want to pretend you didn't lock your wife up for the three hours of the party. She was barely breathing when your brother found her."

Silence.

My breathing rumbled heavily against my chest. I wasn't sure how to feel or what to think, but Eddy's voice came again, forcing me to focus.

"Was that what she told you?"

"If she had died, would you have taken responsibility?"

"You didn't answer my question," Eddy spoke, jolting my breathing. I flung my palms over my mouth, afraid that they could hear me.

"Health wise, she isn't to be left in confined spaces for too long. Weren't you thinking?" Connor spoke again, persistent. 

Hotness flooded my chest, my breathing degenerating into uncontrollable chaos. 

Not sure of what to do, I shut my eyes and tried to clear my head. 

"You should reconsider my offer," Eddy said, a careless chuckle following.

Tears twitched against the corners of my eyes. I tilted my head back to stop any from dropping.

If I cry, it meant I had lost completely.

"Eddison Langford!" Connor fumed. My chest tightened.

"I appreciate that you're looking out for my wife, but I advise you to protect her while you're still here. It is not a threat." 

"Are you even human?" Connor snapped, his words heavy against his throat, coated with a helpless disappointment.

"I will take your judgement for it."

I allowed the warm breath that had travelled from the base of my stomach pour into my palms, sipping through my skin and settling in my bones.

What was Eddy up to?

I listened. None of them spoke a word again, and I was forced to imagine the tension between them at the moment — concentrated, solid, probably enough to start a fight.

Next, I heard footsteps receding — Slowly, quietly.

Seconds later, I heard another — more hurried than the first, the grounds bearing silent witness to how much anger the weight carried.

I swallowed, releasing a heavy exasperated breath.

My neck ached, the joints of my knees tight with pain, but my heart was cold, like it had stopped beating.

I stared into the space of empty light reflections and quietness, at the life I had chosen without thinking.

The life I had chosen.

A wave of emotions rippled through my chest, settling finally in my head, a harsh reminder to the fact that it was almost impossible to escape this.

In that moment, I felt a presence behind me. It was very heavy, I turned almost immediately with this energy of urgency.

Freddy.

Hockey shirt. Small shorts that clung to his bulky thighs. A silvery necklace hanging around his neck. Tattoos patterns that extended to his neck area. His blonde hair glittering against the lights, scattered in grouped strands of wax and muse.

I couldn't dare to look at his face as I wondered how long he had been standing there — in position, right behind me.

My rose bloomed as my eyes lingered on his thick muscles, slowly trailing up to his groin region.

I could be mistaken but I enjoyed thinking his members were slowly tugging up his shorts and forming a bulge well under his shirt.

I bit down on my teeth, forcing my mind back to the seriousness of the moment.

Slowly, I stared all the way up to his face, but I could barely hold his disappointed gaze. I looked away.

"Freddy...I am...," I muttered, but he had started to walk away before I could even finish talking.

I followed him with my eyes as he walked past me and through the hallway that led to the entrance.

My gaze lingered in space even after I had heard him open the door and close with a soft swing and a final click.

After standing still for a couple of minutes, I couldn't even remember why I wanted to go to the kitchen, so I turned around and there he stood.

I froze, every bone of my body crashing with shock.