3

I stared at nothingness and ignored Devie. Another morning and another hope. Is that even true? I shook my head before took a deep sigh. I went to the bedroom and picked up one of my favorite books.

'Hope! Why did you release that man!? Tsk.' I stopped reading before taking a deep breath. I slowly went down the stairs and went to the living room.

"Devie, the noise is your noise. I'm reading so." She had been talking to me before, I was irritated but I could do nothing but be calm.

I will not let her come out again. It’s hard when it’s Devie coming out, she does things that are very dangerous. I don’t even know what she did to Theo and why it was tied up when I woke up last time.

'I will not stop! I'll annoy you more! Take care of that! I'll be out again! I still want to go out.' I was caught in my head because of what she said.

"Calm down Hope.." I said slowly but softly.

'Me too! I want to go out! He didn't hurt you, did he? I want to meet him! I think he's different from everyone else' My eyes widened at what Janna said. Not because she wanted to come out — It's because she's right, Theo is different.

'Tsk! Janna, everyone has intentions. He may be different now and he’s doing well with Hope. But sooner or later he will hurt and he will hurt Hope too! So let me go and I will hurt that man! '

"Maybe! Maybe! Stop first!" But they did not listen and argued even more. 'Devie! No! I feel like he's different from everyone else!'

‘Oh come on Janna, he’s so impossible! What are you saying huh! Listen to me Hope, hurt him or kill him right away so he won't hurt you!' Devie hissed.

‘Yeah noh, you’re right Devie. What if he hurts us? Oh my god. I want to go out!' Janna said. She was really easy to believe so Devie and I were able to control her.

Of the three of us Devie was the stronger because when she really attacked I had nothing more to do. 'No! Shut up Janna! I'll come out!'

'No! I'll come out, I want to come out!' My heart was beating faster and faster while my head was aching. Not allowed! I will not let them out! I gripped the book in my hand tightly before calming myself.

'Let me out Hope! I will come out! I want!'

'No! I want to go out too! My turn!'

"No..No.. Stop! Stop it!" Why are they so aggressive now!? Did Theo trigger us? So they became so nasty. I shook my head before turning right and turning my head left. This is bad.

"Stop! Please stop!" I was holding my head while I my eyee was still closed. The shiver wrapped around my chest again.

'Me!'

'No! Me! '

"S—Stop!"

'Let me out!'

'I want to go out!'

It's like a TV losing signal. The sound is irritating and painful to hear. Blurred vision made me awake. My eyes are dimming, my vision is dim. The movement around me seemed steady as their voices were the only ones entering my ears.

"Please... S—Stop! Stop.. Stop..." Weakly, I said but they didn’t listen. They really wanted to come out. I felt my nose bleeding and its fluid dripping.

I was so close to the sofa, I wanted to talk and stop them but I seemed to be losing strength again. I'm so weak, I can't fight them or even stop them.

Only now have they become like this, Janna is also strong. Like her —Devie, when she really wants to she gets stronger especially. Devie, on the other hand is really strong. So she always comes out and beats us. But now, the two of them are arguing and want to go out. I can't stop them. I’m weak, really. Poor weak.

With the closing of my eyelids I finally collapsed on the sofa. I was holding onto my chest, I could feel Janna is coming out. "Damn it."

It was as if I was going back to the past, the past I was running into and trying to forget. But when did I succeed? No. I can’t because it’s the one coming back and keeps chasing me.

It was like a ferocious lion who did nothing but chase it's food. It won’t stop until he gets me and as long as I don’t give up.

I sighed loudly, I gave up. I'm already a loser but why don't they still stop me? Why can't I just disappear from the world? It would be erased as if it were a wrong decision to raise me in the world.

Why am I still alive? Why am I still alive in the world? Why did they even do that? What for? To torture? The many questions I keep asking myself. Why me? What is my benefit to the world? What is the reason why I am still alive? I didn't like it at all. I don't want it either.

But I can't do anything, I have no dreams in life because I don't have family or friends. I live alone in the world. What is the meaning of life if it doesn't matter? Doesn't it make me happy, or do I really feel happy? What does that feel like? I don't remember yet.

I'm here in the dark part of a place I can't determine, just dark and quiet. Alone and unaccompanied. I just stood there while looking at where. My heart kept beating, which made me almost faint because of its strength.

"Hope! Stop it! Don't continue! What's wrong with you!" My forehead furrowed at that voice. Who is that? I turned around but there was nothing. Only now did I hear a voice in this dark place.

"Hope! Please! Go back to yourself!" I was confused walking to where. That voice is familiar but I’m not sure.

"Hope! Damn! Hope!" I was so bitten on the lower lip before stopping.

My forehead furrowed and receded. That voice! It's Theo! I wanted to shout but I seemed to have lost my voice. What is going on? Theo just kept shouting that. I was staggered to my feet before being stunned.

"Damn it! Fuck! Hope! Stop! Come back!" I shook my head before smiling bitterly.

I spoke without a voice. "I—I can't..."

I faintly sat up and shook my head. I'll just wait until Janna finishes and she gets tired. I don't care what she does, even if she cries for a long time or even if she hurts our bodies.

That's better because I don't have to live anymore, I'll just die. But that's not how I want my death, I'm going to die because I didn't kill myself. I will die because I really died, I don't want even my death to be defiled - Myself.

That way, I died clean. Did nothing wrong to himself and just really died. What is my dream? I dream of disappearing from the world. To be gone, and stay away in this dark place.