Chapter 4: Kenji's Actions

Isang nakakabinging katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa.

"Really?" Namamanghang tanong niya.

"Like you said, this is to satisfy our needs and I'm a woman who has needs, Ken."Sabi ko at tumabi sa kanya.

"I can't believe you would agree with this." He said amusingly. Me too Ken, I can't believe this. I just struggled my shoulders and said, “So we’re Fuck Buddies?”

All my life I've been looking for love. A love that gives you joy, and pain but in the end it will give you something that can make you happy and satisfied. Simula bata ay na nanlilimos na ako ng atensyon at pagmamahal ng iba, hanggang ngayon ganon pa rin walang bago.

"We have to be careful, I don't want anyone to know about this."

"I know, I don't want anyone to know about this either." If anyone knows about this, especially my dad, he will push me away even more. Itatakwil niya ako, lalo na't alam kong masasaktan ko ang paboritong anak niya. Only for once, I choose myself. Ngayon lang naman ako naging selfish. I'm sorry, dad.

After we talked, nagpaalam akong aalis na. I’m late for work . I'm sure my friends are worried about me. Nagulat ako ng biglang may nagsalita sa likod ko. I'm checking my phone, dahil lowbat ito kanina.

"Ihahatid na kita." Sabi niya at tinignan ako mula ulo ang hanggang paa. "That dress suits you." dagdag niya bago lumabas patungo sa sala.

I didn't expect him to do this. Mahal niya si Shaina and he only set his eyes on her since she met her. I didn't imagine na mapapansin niya ako sa ganitong paraan.

Before Kenji was known for being womanizer, well having that face he can really get the girl he wants to sleep with. I was only watching him from afar, I never imagined that I'll be one of those women na nilapitan niya dahil kailangan niya ng babaeng magpapainit ng kama. But suddenly he changed when he met Shaina, from being a womanizer to a loyal man. I was so heart broken when they got together, but now I don’t know what to say.

From that thought I realized, my love for him is too deep that makes me go this far. Maybe because I'm still looking for someone who can love me, care for me and accept me from who I am. I have my friends but I want to have someone I can feel safe and free with, Someone I can call home.

Dahil sa dami ng missed calls and messages na natanggap ko after I opened my phone ay mas pinili kong sa biyahe ko na ito basahin, although medyo malapit naman sa penthouse ni Kenji ang shop ko.

I was looking for Ken, dahil ihahatid niya raw ako sa condo and I saw in the living room busy talking with someone on the phone. I just waved at him and pointed at the door since I don't want to disturb him, it seems like it's important. Sa taxi na lang ako sasakay, since naiwan ko rin ang kotse ko sa bar. I turned back and was about to open the door when I heard him saying.

"Take care, I love you too, Shaina"

Parang libo-libong karayom ang tumusok sa puso ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pumayag ng ganito. I don't have any idea how to make him fall for me. Masyado na siguro akong disperada sa paghahangad na mahalin niya rin ako kaya hindi tinanggihan ang pagkakataong ito, kahit na napaka impossible na mahalin niya rin ako.

Pinalis ko ang luha na naguunahang tumulo dahil sa sakit at baba ng tingin ko sa sarili ko dahil sa ginawa kong desisyon. Without looking back, I headed to the elevator and I saw myself on the mirror. Sa likod ko nakita ko ang tumatakbong Kenji papunta sa akin. I can't let him see me like this mapula ang mata at ilong dahil sa pag iyak, so I pretended not to see him.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang sumara ang pinto ng elevator. I hope Kenji didn't see me like this.

Once again I looked at my reflection, napansin ko na ang suot kong damit na binili niya ay saktong-sakto sa akin, para bang alam na alam niya ang sukat ng katawan ko. Maging pati ang suot kong underwear ay tama sa akin.

Sa mga ginagawang ito ni Kenji ay hindi ko mapigilang umasa at kiligin sa kanya. His mix signals hit different in me, or dahil sa nararamdaman ko kaya ganito.

As I reached the lobby, humahangos na Kenji ang bumungad sa akin.

"W-What are you doing here?" I confusing said, hinihiling ko na sana ay hindi halata na umiyak ako.

Having pale skin is quite bothersome sometimes.

“Ihahatid kita.” Humahangos niyang sabi at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

"No Kenji, baka may makakita pa sa atin." Binawi ko ang kamay ko at naunang mag lakad sa kanya.

"I don't want anyone to know that there's something going on between us."

I hate men and their mixed signals. Kainis.

"Ihahatid kita, Mackenzie." Seryosong sabi niya.

"Wait for me, I'll just get my car." He said at iniwan ako sa exit ng building.

Why do I feel like hes irritated? Bahala siya diyan.

What if nasa shop sila Mia? Ano na lang ang iisipin nila pag nalaman nila na may nagyari sa amin ni Kenji.

Buong biyahe wala ni isa sa amin ang nagsalita, kaya buong biyahe rin akong nag iisip ng excuses kumg sakali man na mag nasa shop sila Mia.

"Drop me here." I said even though it's still three blocks away from my shop.

"No, It's still far." He said and continued to drive not minding what I just said.

"Oh my god. Kenji!" I'm literally panicking right now. Baka may makakita sa amin. "Can't you just listen to me?"

"Itigil mo ang sasakyan, Kenji." I seriously said. "I don't want anyone to see us!"

He took a deep breath and parked the car, before he could speak I immediately stormed out the car.

I stopped when my phone rang. It's Kenji.

"What!?" I shouted.

"Call me when you need me. Take care" He said and ended the call.

Mabilis ang tibok ng puso kong binaba ang cellphone ko. Bakit kahit mga simpleng salita lang ang sinabi niya parang kumakawa na ang puso ko sa dibdib ko. Why does he always make me feel like this?

Kenji, your actions are driving me crazy. Baka dahil sa agreement namin na ito ay mas lalo akong mahulog sa kanya. I don't know how to pick myself up kapag dumating ang araw na magsawa na siya sa akin. But I'll still take a risk, ayaw ko na magaisi ako sa huli. Kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na malabo na mahalin niya rin ako, tanging katawan ko lamang ang habol niya sa akin.

Maybe I love him too much to the point that I can risk anything just to be with him, even in a short period of time.