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Chapter 64: Tears and Pleasures

~ Helena ~

To think I couldn’t give birth to my babies hurt me so much. I loved babies and was expecting to know what it felt like to experience being pregnant, enjoying watching their growth in my womb, and giving birth to them. Giving up the idea of having my children was devastating.

However, I loved Ethan. If I stayed with him, I wouldn’t experience made love fully. I would wonder for the rest of my life about it. What did it feel like other women said and giggled about the fantastic feelings when their spouses made love to them? But then, I couldn’t lose Ethan. Yes, we had already done the outercourse, but not the intercourse (the mating/the having sex itself). Love was not only about having sex. It was not only about having children.

My tears were down to my cheeks, and Ethan wiped them with his handkerchief. Despite my tears, I gave him a weak smile. “I have decided not to leave you.” I took a deep breath before continuing, “I can accept we won’t be mating for the rest of ou
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