Chapter 4

ELOWEN’S POV

Kinabukasan, nagising ako sa mahinang huni ng ulan sa labas. The sky was gray and heavy, parang katulad ng bigat na dala-dala ko araw-araw. Walang sigaw, walang masasakit na salita pRro kahit ang katahimikan ay parang humahataw sa akin. I stayed in bed a little longer, staring at the ceiling, wishing I could just disappear into the shadows. Pero alam kong hindi pwede. Kailangan kong bumangon. Kailangan kong harapin ang araw at siya.

Bumaba ako nang dahan-dahan. The house felt colder than usual, lalo na’t walang sikat ng araw na pumapasok sa mga bintana. Sa kusina, tahimik lang ang lahat. I made myself a cup of warm tea, hoping it would somehow warm the coldness inside me too. Umupo ako sa tabi ng bintana, pinapanood ang patak ng ulan na dumadausdos pababa ng salamin. Just like my tears silent, endless, and no one notices.

Nang bumaba si Kaelian, mukhang mas seryoso pa kaysa sa karaniwan. His brows were furrowed, his jaw tight mukhang may mabigat na iniisip. Pumasok siya sa kusin, at sa pagkakataong ito, hindi na siya dumiretso agad sa kape. He stopped, and for a moment, our eyes met. Walang ngiti, walang init pero hindi rin galit. Just… there.

“Umuulan,” he said, as if stating the obvious. His voice was low, almost quiet. “Malamig.”

Tumango ako nang mahina. “Opo. Opo nga po.”

Tinitigan niya ako nang sandali, bago kumuha ng kape at uminom ng isang lagok. “Magdadala ako ng ibang tao dito mamayang gabi. Business partners. Be presentable. Stay quiet. Huwag kang magiging abala.”

“Opo,” sagot ko. “Naiintindihan ko po.”

Lumabas siya nang hindi na nagpaalam. I watched him walk away  his back straight, his steps firm and wondered if he ever felt tired. Tired of being cold, tired of pretending, tired of carrying everything on his own. Or was he just naturally this… empty?

Buong umaga, inayos ko ang kwarto, nagbasa ng libro, at pinilit kong hindi isipin ang gagawin mamaya. Pero paulit-ulit bumabalik sa isip ko be presentable, stay quie. Ganun na lang ba ako? Isang dekorasyon na dapat maganda pero bawal magsalita? A pretty face to stand beside him, but never a person to stand with him?

Pagdating ng hapon, inihanda ko ang sarili ko. I chose a simple dress spmething modest, something quiet, something that wouldn’t draw too much attention. Tiningnan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin. Hindi ako pangit. Pero sa paningin niya, siguro ay wala lang talaga akong halaga.

Nang dumating ang gabi, nagsimula nang dumating ang mga bisita. The living room filled with people laughter, clinking glasses, voices talking about business and money. And there I was, standing quietly beside Kaelian. Every time someone spoke to me, I smiled politely and answered briefly. Every time they looked away, the smile faded from my face.

At one point, Kaelian stood close enough that his arm brushed mine. It was accidental he didn’t mean it but that small, brief contact made my heart race. He didn’t pull away, but he also didn’t lean in. He just… stood there. And for one stupid, hopeful second, I thought he might introduce me properly. That he might say “this is my wife, Elowen” with pride. But he never did. He just kept talking, kept moving, kept me at his side but never truly with him.

Nang matapos ang gabi at umalis na ang huling bisita, naiwan kaming dalawa sa sala. Pagod na pagod na ako physically and emotionally drained. Tumingin ako sa kanya, waiting for anything thank you, you did well, even just a simple word.

Instead, he sighed and rubbed his temples. “That went well. Walang naging problema.” He turned to walk away, then paused, without looking back. “You did fine. Huwag kang magpapaligaw ng tingin sa kanila sa susunod.”

My heart sank. “I wasn’t looking at anyone else,” I whispered, but he was already walking up the stairs. Hindi niya narinig. O hindi niya pinakinggan.

Naiwan akong mag-isa sa sala. The lights were still bright, pero ang pakiramdam ko ay nasa dilim ako. Umupo ako sa sofa, hinawakan ang aking dibdib, at pinilit kong huwag umiyak. Bakit ko pa inaasahan ang higit pa? Bakit paulit-ulit pa rin akong nasasaktan sa parehong bagay? I knew what this was from the start. A contract. Nothing more.

Tumayo ako nang dahan-dahan, pinatay ang mga ilaw, at dahan-dahang umakyat sa kwarto. Bago ako humiga, sinabi ko sa sarili ko one more day, Elowen. Just one more day. Kaya mo pa.

Huminga ako nang malalim, ipinikit ang aking mga mata, at hinayaang dalhin ako ng pagod sa pagtulog. Bukas na naman. Panibagong araw. Panibagong pagtitiis. And somehow, I will keep going.

TO BE CONTINUED