His Unwanted Confessions

I haven't slept well last night.

I'm just laying in my bed while my thoughts are still swirling with what happened between us.

It was unexpected and intense that I don't know if I can still face him today.

My head is heavy and aching.

"Good morning. Why aren't you prepared yet? Is everything alright?"; Miss Portia asked me while she is patting my forehead.

"Oh my! You're hot! Stay here. I'll get a medicine for you", she instructed me while hurrying to go out from the room.

Geez! I found it funny that I even got sick because of what happened last night.

She is carrying a tray of food with medicine on it when she came back.

I really love it when Miss Portia cared like this to me, I remember mom.

So bad that she hasn't got a family on her own. Her kids will be very lucky for sure.

Yes, she is strict. But when it comes to times like this, you will really know that you can rely on her. 

I heard a few knocks on the door after a few minutes that Miss Portia left the room.

"Come in", I said in a low voice.

We just stared at each other's face when he opened the door.

Devin looked messed up as well but still gorgeous though, that was understatement I guess.

He always looks good.

"Good morning", he said with a shy smile.

I got surprise when he handed me a bouquet of flowers that he is hiding in his back a while ago.

I'm still speechless. I don't know what to say or how to reach in his behavior right now.

I haven't got over on what happened last night and now he's doing this?

Oh my! I'll be insane if he will keep on acting like this.

"This is for you", he said while still trying to hand it to me.

"And why would I accept that?", I questioned him with a cold stare.

It took him minutes before managing to respond to me, it is so obvious that he is trying to think for a good and acceptable reason.

"A gift", his answer almost make me laugh but I just refrain myself to do so.

"Gift for what? It is not my birthday yet", I asked him again that made him scratch his head.

"Look, if that is a gift for apology again. I won't be accepting that", I told him in a serious tone while looking away and focused my eyes outside the window.

"No", his response made me look at him again.

"I'm not giving this to you to apologize. For me, apologizing means regretting what you had done or being sorry for what you did. And Avery, I'm not regretting doing it to you. I know that it is too early for this but I really want you badly and I never wanted someone this bad, like I do to you"; he made me speechless again after saying those words.

There was a deadly silence that followed it which makes me felt the awkwardness.

"I can't even understand myself why I am wanting someone this much. Someone who is always pushing me away. Someone who doesn't want me to be included in her life at all".

My mind wants to say 'No!' in every remark that he said but I can't open my mouth to say it.

My mind is saying that he is just trying me to what extent will it take me to be one of his toys but my heart is saying the opposite thing.

There was a glimpse of hope that I felt upon hearing that but remembering the conversation he had in the pool beforehand made me think twice.

He is just playing around.

"What happened last night is nothing for me, Devin. Don't make it a big deal since I know for sure that you're used to it. Please leave this room now, I don't feel well"; my voice is calm but the coldness with it is chilling out.

I can see how hurt he is, it is evident in his eyes before leaving the room.

And now, here I am; regretting on what I said to him since I know in myself  how much I want him too.