Begging for rejection

A chill ran down my spine as she uttered those words, leaving me frozen in trepidation. My hands trembled with nervousness and fear, rendering me speechless. 'No, this can't be! Lilly would never die!' The words echoed in my mind like a haunting refrain, refusing to dissipate. As I stood there, froze in anxiety, a gentle hand grasped my arm, breaking the spell. 

"Are you alright?" Aldus's voice was laced with concern, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studied my face. I turned to him, attempting to compose myself, but my gaze darted back to the old woman's vacpant spot. "Y-yes, I'm fine," I stammered, trying to reassure him.

As we drove to the pack house, Aldus's sudden question caught me off guard. "Are you really fine?" he asked, his voice tinged with worry. 

I shook my head, feigning composure. "Yes, I'm just preoccupied." My mind wandered back to the old woman's words, her warning echoing in my thoughts. The third full moon was approaching, and I still bore no mark from my mate. Fear for Lilly's safety gnawed at my heart.

Upon arriving near the pack house, I asked Aldus to drop me off at a distance from the gate. I didn't want Aldrake to see him. 

"Thank you for the ride, Alpha Aldus," I said, my voice laced with gratitude. He handed me his card, his eyes locking onto mine. "Take this. You can contact me anytime you need help." I accepted, feeling a mix of emotions.

I nodded at him, even though I was puzzled. I didn't need to ask for his help anymore, especially since I was feeling something else towards him. In the short time we'd known each other and spent time together, there was something inside me that felt like a string was forcefully connecting us. And I hated the fact that he was giving me heartache and mixed emotions. I turned my back on him, and didn't say anything. 

As I entered the pack house, the guards opened the gate, and the Beta greeted me coldly. "The Alpha has been waiting inside for a while now," he said to me. His approach towards me lacked respect, and his tone was devoid of any courtesy. They've been like this since my image became tarnished in their eyes, ever since Amber arrived. 

I didn't say anything else and just went inside the house. But the moment I stepped inside, I received a loud slap from my mother. I stumbled backward from the force of the impact. My cheek numbed from the unexpected slap from the mother I respected.

"You're truly shameless, Livia! Why do you always hurt your sister? Don't you feel ashamed in front of her? She's been protecting you, always defending you from others when you do something wrong. And this is how you repay her? By hurting her in front of many people!" I looked down, unable to bear the scolding and shouting from my mother. 

So, she'd made up another story, had she? I really don't know who she takes after, but she's a great actress. She can spin her fabricated stories and make everyone believe them. I couldn't believe my mother was buying into Amber's lies again. I felt a surge of defensiveness and frustration, but I knew better than to argue back. Instead, I kept my head down, trying to compose myself. I couldn't help but think about all the times Amber had manipulated situations to make me look bad. She had a talent for twisting the truth and making me out to be the villain. I wondered if my mother would ever see through her facade. I felt trapped in this situation, unable to defend myself or express my true feelings. I was tired of being blamed and scolded for things I didn't do. I was tired of being treated like I was the problem. I longed for someone to understand me, to see things from my perspective. But it seemed like no one was willing to listen, to hear my side of the story. I felt like I was all alone, fighting a battle that seemed impossible to win.

I tried to defend myself, "Mom, I didn't do anything to her. If she got hurt, it was an accident." But she didn't believe me. No matter how I explained myself, I was still the one at fault in everyone's eyes. 

"You're so heartless, Livia! You don't do anything to her? She wouldn't get hurt and come home limping if you didn't do something to her! We didn't raise you to be like this, Livia. Where did we go wrong, huh?!" I looked up at my mother, seeing the anger and disappointment in her eyes. It was as if she was ready to disown me.

"Where did you go wrong? You're asking me where you went wrong?" I shot back, my emotions overflowing. "You've been lacking in so many ways, Mom! Ever since you took in that woman, you and Dad changed. You all changed! You used to fill my heart with love, but now I barely feel any love from you. You've been lacking in attention, understanding, and love towards me." Tears keep on streaming down to my face, as I feel like my heart was about to burst out. "Mom, I accept Amber as my sister, but what I don't accept is that she's taken everything from me! She's taken your attention and love, and she's taken away your trust in me!".

My mother's expression turned stern, her voice firm. "Shut up, Livia! She's not taking anything from you. If you've lost our attention, trust, and love, it's because of your own actions. You've changed, Livia. You've become hard-hearted towards your sister. You've become selfish, and now that she has what used to be yours, you hurt her repeatedly. Why can't you just accept that Amber is more deserving of our attention and love?" Her words cut deep, and I felt my heart being squeezed. My chest felt tight, and tears streamed down my face like a river.

"Your mother is right, Livia. If you're losing everything, it's not because Amber is taking it from you. You don't need to blame Amber for everything, because it's your own actions that are causing people to hate and distrust you, and lose their love for you. If she gained everyone's trust, attention, and love, it's because she has a good heart. She worked hard for it, something you can't do because you're selfish, Livia!.You want everything for yourself!!." I look ahead after hearing that voice. The pain etched deeper on my face as I saw the owner of that voice. 

Another wave of tears came out of my eyes after seeing them together as they came down the stairs.

It was heartbreaking that he could say those words to me, even though I'm his mate. It was heartbreaking because they favored Amber over me. It hurt to think that he never stood up for me, that he never defended me. It hurt to see him holding another woman's hand instead of mine.

"You're selfish, Livia. Amber is an orphan, and she found a true family here in the pack. She experienced love from your parents, and you have no right to complain about their shortcomings. Why can't you just accept that Amber is part of this family--"

"--and part of our relationship, is that it, Aldrake?" I asked, tears streaming down my face. He fell silent, his eyes avoiding mine. "I can accept that she's taken everyone's attention and love, but not yours, Aldrake. You're my mate, and it hurts to see you prioritize her over me. Why are you making me feel like I'm being rejected, when you can't even say it out loud?"

"Shut up!" he snapped. 

"Why, Aldrake? Why do I need to shut up when you're all provoking me?" I retorted, looking around at the people gathered before focusing on him again. "I've been silent for a long time, Aldrake. I tried to keep my mouth shut for the sake of our relationship. But what happened? Did it work? Did I get what I wanted? I tried everything, endured the pain, but it seems like you're the one pushing me away. Aldrake, you can reject me, cause it's already hurting so much. I'm already in so much pain, Aldrake." I wiped away my tears, my knees weakening as I felt like I was losing my balance. 

"Livia, what are you saying? Aldrake loves you--" Amber tried to intervene, but I cut her off. "Shut up!!" But with what I did, I received more hurtful words from the people around me again. 

"You should be the one to shut up!!" Aldrake shouted at me too. 

"Why is it always me--". 

"Enough! Go up to your room and don't come out without my permission. That's your punishment for what you did to Amber at the party earlier, and for disrespecting her in front of the pack members!!" With his words, two pack warriors immediately approached me and tightly grasped my upper arms. I couldn't believe he was doing this to me again. 

"Also, take a shower and make sure to wash off the scent of another Alpha from your skin. You're embarrassing," he said, looking at me with his piercing glare.

But instead of being scared, I laughed, the sound bitter and mocking. "You're embarrassed by the scent of another Alpha on my skin? What about your own actions, Aldrake? You've been hurting me, cheating on me, and you have the nerve to lecture me?". 

"Be quiet! You're the Luna, but you've brought shame to our family!" he said angrily. "Take her to her room and don't let her out! Don't bring her food until tomorrow, so she'll learn a lesson!" he ordered the pack warriors, who immediately dragged me away. 

But my heart and entire being were filled with anger, and I managed to struggle free from their grasp and face Aldrake again. 

"Don't protest more, my sister. You'll only make the Alpha angrier. Let me talk to him for you, okay?," Amber said. 

"Shut up! You have no right to interfere in our problem, you're just a tag-along!" I shouted angrily and pushed her, causing her to stumble. And because of what I did, I received another loud slap, but this time it wasn't from my mother... but from the man I was fighting for, even if he's turning his back on me. And because he's an Alpha, his strength is greater than my mother's. The force was so strong that I fell to the ground, crying. 

"B*tch! How dare you hurt her again, huh?!!"

I didn't say any words. I was just crying until I found myself standing up while laughing and crying. I looked up at them all, and they were all angry at me but with a hint of confusion on their faces due to my awkward laughter. I laughed for a few minutes, but tears continued to flow from my eyes. "Just reject me, Aldrake, so it's over. That's all I've been waiting for from you. For you to reject me yourself, so I won't hope anymore that we can fix this. Just reject me, and after that, you won't see me again." My words made him furrow his brow. 

"What the h*ll are you talking about?! You know what, just go to your room and I'll deal with you later! Go, drag her to her room!" He ordered the guards again, but I quickly moved away from them while keeping my gaze fixed on him. 

"Do you enjoy hurting me like this, Aldrake? Do all of you enjoy seeing me like this, huh?!" I shouted. "All I ask is for you to reject me, Aldrake. Is it that hard to do?! You know, I used to think that you couldn't bring yourself to reject me because you had a little love in your heart for me. But I've realized over time that I'm just making myself look like a fool and feeding my own hopes for something impossible. Only rejection will end this all, Aldrake, since you clearly choose my sister, don't you? Then, why don't you just reject me so you'll have a reason to make it public what's between the two of you. But then again, you're not even hiding it. You're showing openly that you love and prioritize her than me!." I laughed again. But with every laugh, every word that I say brought so many tears and pain in my heart. My laughter was also devoid of life. 

"I'm giving you a chance, reject me, Aldrake." And finally, my knees gave out, and I collapsed onto the cold floor. 

All I could hear were my loud sobs. I felt like I was going to suffocate from the tightness in my chest. It hurt so much to say those words. Telling him to reject me felt like it would be the end of me. But on the other hand, a sense of satisfaction was growing in my heart because I finally got to express all my grievances in front of them, in front of him. I'm proud of myself for telling him to reject me just to end this pain I'm feeling right now. 

"Lilly, I'm sorry it took me this long to gather the courage to do this. Forgive me, my friend." I tried to mind-link my wolf, but I didn't get any response from her, which made me cry even more. Lilly was too weak, and I couldn't even hear her faint voice anymore. It's all my fault, after all. I waited until she reached this point. She's all I have left, but I'm the one who's going to end her life. 

In the long silence that followed, I heard Aldrake's voice again. I didn't bother looking at him. "You're going crazy, Livia. Why would I do something that would weaken the entire pack and weaken me and my wolf? I'm not stupid enough to do what you want. If you're done with your drama, stand up and go to your room before I decide to throw you in the dungeon!". After he said that, I looked up to see him walking away. I wasn't surprised to see him carrying Amber up the stairs. Amber looked back at me, and I saw a taunting expression on her face, including a wide smirk. 

"We're so disappointed in you, Livia!" My father's voice echoed in my head, followed by my mother's unending lectures. "Stop being stubborn, and be good to your sister Livia. Stop being selfish, and blaming her for your loss! You brought this on yourself, so you better behave if you don't want us to disown you!. Go, drag her to her room like the Alpha said!". 

They left. Everyone leaves, leaving me behind like a dirty, worthless piece of display. The guards dragged me up, treating me like a normal pack member. But then again, even from the day I became Luna in this pack house, most of them didn't want me. They don't want me to be their Luna. The respect that every Luna gets from their pack members is unlikely to be given to me by them.