Chapter 18: Elias

I was the reason her life was ruined. She wasn't wrong, I could have let her go. Why was it so hard for me to let her go? Why was I allowing my goddess to convince me to treat her this way? Maybe she was right, my goddess wouldn't have wanted this for my mate.

I left through the back door making sure to throw the clothes I had borrowed onto the bench in the mudroom. I jumped from the backporch onto the ground landing as a wolf.

I knew these woods better than anyone, I spent more time here than the average pack member at least. I just needed some time away. I found it easier to think as a wolf the world was less complicated.

11 years ago -Elias

I hadn't made it far, I didn’t know which direction I was going and I didn't think it mattered anyway. It’s not like I had anywhere to go. I think Lucien was certain he had found a loophole to making Oliver alpha and he was fine if I never came back. He could tell them I ran away and all of the sudden I wasn’t anyone’s problem anymore.

It's not like I wanted to be alpha anyway, especially to them. None of them ever did anything to help me, none of them ever did anything to make it stop. It was my parents' plan for me to be alpha. They were gone now it didn’t fucking matter. All anyone ever cared about was making sure Oliver wasn't treated the same way as me. Why did he get to have such an easy life? Maybe now that I'm gone he'll focus on Oliver and leave me the fuck alone. That would show them, I’d make it on my own and have a fine peaceful life and let’s see Oliver finally start to suffer.

I stopped tossing my head around until I nearly fell over. It wasn’t Oliver’s fault, he was just like me in all of this. He didn’t deserve it either. What if Lucien did the same thing to him? He was even younger than me, forcing him to shift might kill him. What could I do though? I was just stuck here, it’s not like I could tell anyone either, who would believe me? Any adult would have followed Lucien’s orders and kept away from me anyway.

It was the middle of the night before I could walk with confidence. My stomach was aching and I still found it hard to concentrate with the sounds, smells, and everything. Looking around I saw the forest change. It was coming alive right before my eyes.

To my left I heard a rustle on the ground and turned to see a small rabbit lock eyes with me. I heard its heartbeat rapidly and felt something in me calling out. It was like I needed to chase after it, I needed to stop that heart with my teeth.

Its little nose twitched as I lowered myself to the ground, it wasn't scared, it was curious. I was going to make sure it regretted that curiosity. Lunging forward I was excited to sink my teeth into its soft fur. My stomach was aching with anticipation.

Why then could I not control my legs? I fell forward once more feet from the rabbit as it took one more look at me before darting away. It just looked down at me like I was the most pitiful thing, I wasn’t a predator I was a fucking sheep masquerading as a wolf.

Turning over onto my side I started to believe Lucien. Maybe I was useless, pathetic, nothing.

Slowly I got back on my feet and started relearning to walk. Once I was more comfortable though I decided to quicken my pace. By the time the sun rose I was able to run but now I needed to dodge. My speed surprised me as I tried to learn how to anticipate where I was going to be crashing head first into a tree.

“Hahaha!” I heard someone laughing? What was going on?

Looking around I saw a kid, he was in the tree I had just crashed into in some treehouse. I stared up at him growling.

“Sorry! I've never seen a werewolf so clumsy before.” It was like he didn't have any fear as he slid down a rope landing right in front of me. His shaggy dark brown hair hung in his eyes. “The name’s Andre.” He reached out a hand to me, “are you going to turn back?”

I opened my mouth trying to talk but only growls and moans left. What else could I do?

“Something wrong?” He took a seat at the base of the tree throwing a backpack around to his side, “who are you?”

I wanted to answer but in my frustration of not being understood I collapsed to the ground. My paw was digging into the dirt and I hoped it was able to form something like letters to him.

“Elias?” He read cocking his head to the side. “Wait you're the alpha’s grandson right? That's not right he's barely older than me!”

I rolled my eyes and nodded.

“You're looking for him?”

I shook my head.

“Well who are you?”

Stomping onto my poorly written name I huffed trying to get him to understand. He was just a kid though.

“So you're really Elias? Wow! You must be like super strong then right?” He leaned forward seemingly excited by this.

The rest of the day I was able to piece together what happened and he shared some of his food with me. When it started to get late though he walked with me back to his house.

“I can bring you food tomorrow too, but you're awfully close to the den. Aren't you worried about being caught?”

I hung my head low and saw a shadow at the backdoor looking out. It caused me to lunge backward.

“You know you're kind of skiddish for being a werewolf.” He looked back to the house and laughed, “that's my aunt. I think she'd be okay with you if you wanted to come in.”

I shook my head once more backing away. Before he could take another step I was gone. If Lucien found out they'd be at risk.

From then on I knew I needed to be alone. I needed to stay away for everyone's safety. Andre, he was a nice kid, a little too nice for this pack. Lucien would have killed him just because he was going to be a weak werewolf when he was older.

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I didn’t know where I was running to but it was away from the crowd. The pack was looking for answers. Did I have a mate? Was I going to reject her?

If I did reject her there was already a replacement lined up and despite her age her family didn’t seem to care at all. Chloe, that fucking child, just becaue she was turning eighteen this year didn’t mean she needed to be used in some political scheme by her family. The argents had been looking to get their blood back in the alpha line since the pack’s merged. She was just being an obedient child like she’s been taught her whole life.

Truthfully, ever since I came back and won the pack I’ve been feeling empty. I’ve allowed far too much freedom and all because I know I'm missing something in my life. Maybe I’ve been too engrossed in the thought of finding that thing in Freya. She was right though, I didn’t need to hang onto her. If my goddess was really considering my happipness why would it end with Freya’s suffering and death?

I came to a large lake deep in the woods and saw the reflection of the moon in the waters. It was starting to wain after last night but it was still full enough that it lit up the surrounding area. I collapsed next to the waters letting the tips of my front paws just barely touch the lake.

My goddess, I called to her, please tell me what to do. I’m not understanding why I keep hurting her. Please.

A wind blew across the lake toward me rippling the water against my paws. The moon’s reflection was touching them now as if she were reaching out to me.

Can I please reject her?

The water stopped causing the moon’s reflection to shy away from me and I felt the light from the sky dim.

Wrong question I guess, rolling my eyes. What do you want from me? I’ve done everything you asked, I stopped Lucien, I saved the pack, now what? I don’t understand what you want me to do. Stomping I stood back up and raised my head to the sky belting out a loud howl in some attempt to clear the chaos flowing through my thoughts.

When it subsided I heard the lingering echo behind me. The pack had heard me and were sounding back not aware I was yelling at nothing. I wasn’t looking for direction from them, I was looking for direction from something too far away.

Please, I spoke once more looking directly at the moon, I need you to tell me again.

Clouds rolled in though hiding her from my view as if she were turning her back to me. If that wasn’t a clear sign I was on my own now I didn’t know what was.

I turned to head back and paused seeing two blue eyes behind the treeline.

What are you doing here Oliver? I growled and started walking toward him.

Just wanted to check on you, he shrugged turning to walk next to me. Seems like you’ve had a trying last twentyfour hours.

Doesn't begin to cover it. I scoffed back. Still, you know I don’t-

Yeah yeah, he interrupted quickly. You don’t like being around other werewolves when you don’t have to. Which is fine, but it was either me or Andre that was going to answer your howl and I didn’t think you’d want him since he’s busy watching the precious cargo.

Neither of you needed to come. I’m heading back now.

Or, you and I can go for a run.

I don’t run with others outside of the full moon.

You need to clear your head, so either you run or I’m going to kick your ass!

That caused me to let out an audible chuckle as I looked back at him condescendingly. You can try little brother, but that will be a quick fight.

All the more reason for you to run then. He challenged jumping in front of me, trying to make himself as tall as posible.

Try it. I growled lowering my head.

I was so focused on him infront of me that I didn’t see the attack from the side as Andre’s favorite move caught me off guard.

He was able to toss me back as I hit a tree standing tall with a smug look on his face. Should have taken the offer to run. He laughed.