Thirty Days to Finals, I Swapped Study Buddies

My tutor, who had told me to simply call him "Shane", sent me another message.

"Is that still too confusing? Then let me show you how to solve it from several other angles."

Staring at the three different solutions he provided me, I felt a lump lodge in my throat.

In the past, every time I asked my childhood friend, Nicholas Lund, how to solve a problem, he would frown and say, "I've explained a similar concept to you before, haven't I? Stop making me repeat myself all the time.

When he was in a particularly terrible mood, he would even toss my pencil aside and snap, "Think on it yourself."

Eventually, I didn't even dare tell him when I didn't understand his explanations. Instead, I watched his mood closely. It was as though it was wrong of me to ask even one more question.

Yet, this super cheap online tutor on the other side of this chat wasn't scornful of me for being slow.

He broke down the problem and explained it to me, saying it was okay if I didn't understand the question. I just had to take my time.

Through the open window of Nicholas' house, I could hear him gently explaining a question to the school belle, Hailey Lane.

"It's fine. Here, let me explain it to you one more time."

From where I stood outside the door, an epiphany suddenly dawned on me.

As it turned out, it wasn't that Nicholas was impatient—he had simply been unwilling to be patient with me.

Besides that, I realized that it wasn't that I was born slow or that I was hopelessly stupid. I had simply been forcing myself to be smaller and smaller over the years due to his impatience with me.

My phone vibrated with a message from Shane, who had sent me a final study plan. He also told me to stop looking at others and focus on my studies instead.

Recently, I had been living by Nicholas' moods. Even a slight furrow of his brow would be enough to make me lose an entire night's sleep.

I had always thought it was because I had feelings for him, but now I understood it was likely an instinctive fear response he had trained into me over all these years.

That night, while I worked on some test questions on an audio-only call with Shane, I got stuck on the third question and let my mind wander.

A smooth male voice sounded in my ear. "Only spend one and a half minutes on each question. Skip it if you still can't figure it out by then."

"How did you know?"

"The sound of you flipping pages stopped."

I ended up getting three out of ten questions wrong, which made me feel rather embarrassed.

However, he comforted me calmly, "You did better than I expected. Your rhythm is just a little off."

At 11:30 pm on the dot, he stopped our study session.

I instinctively protested, "I can still continue. Nicholas says that the stupid bird needs to take off earlier to get the worm."

Silence filled the other end of the line for two seconds.

"You're not a stupid bird, nor does anyone have the right to make you feel that you're dumb."

When I heard that, my eyes instantly reddened.

The past 12 years with Nicholas had ingrained in me the habit of doubting myself. But it only took this stranger ten minutes of explaining a question to me for me to feel, for the first time in my life, that I wasn't actually stupid.

"You're really good. You just need to take it slow."

…

The next day, I didn't leave my error log on Nicholas' desk liked I used to.

During a break between classes, he finally couldn't take it anymore and approached me. "So, do you know how to answer that question from yesterday yet?"

I didn't even bother lifting my head as I replied, "The tutor taught me."

His face darkened. "Marissa Zinch, even if you're throwing a temper tantrum, you should know your limits. As if an online tutor could possibly understand you more than I do."

If this had been in the past, I would've already panicked and hastily tried to explain that I wasn't throwing a tantrum, that I still trusted him most, and that I was simply worried about bothering him.

However, this time, all I felt was a bone-deep weariness. "It's just explaining how to solve a question. Whether someone understands me or not doesn't matter."

That surprised Nicholas, who froze in place.

At that moment, Hailey sidled over with a juice box and uttered gently, "Marissa, how about I return Nicholas to you this afternoon?"

Lowering my head, I tucked the practice papers away. "No need. I have my tutor now."

As if on cue, my phone lit up with a text from Shane.

"Take a 15-minute nap after lunch. We'll start working on Physics questions this afternoon."

I let out a soft chuckle as I read the message.

Nicholas' gaze zeroed in on my phone, and for the first time, a hint of inexplicable panic flashed in his eyes.