LOGIN“Have you ever considered taking a pen pal, Ana?” Maddie uses the nickname. It’s a habit of hers when we are alone.
“Pen pal?” I repeat.
What is she going on about this time?
It’s been a month since Maddie started. But it doesn’t feel like much time has passed. Maybe because she makes everything seem, I don’t know, odd?
She never seems to run out of questions. That’s for sure.
Maddie moves to smell one of the roses. We are walking through her garden right now—the great garden of the late Empress Parsul, my mother.
It’s the only remains of her reign. Everything else was destroyed, as is the custom in Nochten. We purge anything of the dead.
I think that is why no one visits this place. It stays deserted, save for me.
Well, except for Maddie. She seems to like them as much as I do.
“Why would I do that?”
"Why do you think so?" Maddie leans down to fluff my hair.
“Stop,” I shift away, but Maddie plops her hand over my head. It feels warm on my scalp. It’s calming
“To make a friend, you silly goose.” Maddie goes on with a pat.
“Who would want to do that?” Let alone who will want to write to me.
Now I have to laugh.
“You’re the one being silly, Maddie.”
“Smart-ass,” Maddie bops my nose before going ahead. Her long legs take up a wider distance.
"Wait!" I start after her.
“Don’t leave me.”
“Easy, kid,” Maddie stops.
“You think I’m going to run away or something?”
“That-” She wouldn’t be the first. But I don’t say it. I just quicken my step.
“I just don’t want you to get lost.”
“Is that right?” Maddie smirks but waits until I catch up.
“Here,” Maddie reaches down.
“Maddie?” I hesitate at her hand. The gesture is still foreign to me. However, Maddie seems to like to do it a lot. It makes her happy.
If it makes her happy, then-
I gingerly take it, and Maddie smiles instantly. Her big fingers curl around mine. They are warm.
I like it.
“You never know. It can be quite fun.” Maddie winks. Apparently, That’s what it means to blink with one eye.
Winking is a new thing to me, like many other things.
“But I don’t have anyone to write to,”
“Yes, you do.” Maddie chirps,
“Who would that be then?”
“Well, what about your Father?”
“The king?” I freeze up right there.
“You mean King Alexander?”
Maddie nods, picking a petal.
“Don’t you ever wonder what your father could be thinking about?”
Do I? Something turns in my stomach. It’s shaky and sits badly in the space.
"No."
“Well, What if I were to say he thinks of you?” Maddie holds the petal.
“Would that change your mind?”
“I don’t like this question” I let go and cross my arms. My eyes are already glossy, but I stare at the roses.
No, not today. I was doing so well today.
I wipe my eye with the back of my hand to stop the first tear.
“Maybe he misses you?”
“I’m tired of talking, Maddie.” I sprint ahead.
“Ana-” Maddie follows, but I walk even faster.
I want to get out of this conversation.
Because nothing good ever comes from talking about THAT.
-x-
“What about your brother?” Maddie throws the question while in the study.
“Maddie, please,”
I thought we were done with this. But Maddie is still going at it.
“Don’t you want to see the Prince?”
“It’s study time.” I gesture to the book.
And I don’t want to talk about this anymore. But Maddie must not understand.
Or she refuses because she ignores me.
"So?" Maddie takes a seat beside me. She leans over to see the book. But with one look at the picture-less page, she gags and pushes it back.
"Good grief! How can you read this stuff?"
"Easily," I laugh. I’ve never seen someone so expressive. She always has a face for something.
it’s funny
"I could teach you if you like."
"NO. THANKS." Maddie rolls her eyes.
Thinking that the end of the discussion, I jotted down some notes. The quill scratches the paper in the silence.
This is nice. I find the break quite peaceful.
But it doesn’t last.
“Prince Nicoli has never gotten to meet you, Ana.”
I flinch when at the name.
“Maddie, please-”
“I am just saying,” Maddie stands from the desk.
“You are so different from him,”
“Who? Nicoli?” The name tastes weird on my tongue.
It’s the first time I had to say it aloud.
“How would you know?”
“He’s quite popular. Always smiling and laughing. He has your father’s blue eyes, too, you know. “
“My father?” My stomach sinks.
My face must say it all because Maddie squeezes my shoulder gently.
“Have you ever met the Prince?”
“No, I-” I was sent away shortly before he was born. But the words stick in my throat.
Because the words bring up those memories again, and I’d rather not remember.
“I've never met him." I go instead, cut and dry.
“Would you like to?”
Maddie tucks my hair to the side.
“I’m sure he’d want to meet you.”
“I…” meet me? I turn to look back and catch the mirror.
There I am. Red eyes and silver hair. I don’t have those famous blue eyes like fathers—or my little brother, apparently.
We are nothing alike.
The sight only makes me more aware of it.
“He could be eager to see you, your Empress.” Maddie, meanwhile, goes.
“Prince Nicoli may be thinking of you right now,”
“And how would you know that?” I push away her hand. My voice is clearly doubtful because I am.
“There has not been a single word from Dawny. Not Papa, not anyone.” I look down at the book, but it’s useless.
There’s no way I can read now. The Tears make everything all blurry. It’s annoying.
“Four years and nothing.” I wipe off the free tear just for another to fall.
“Little Ana,” Maddie pulls me into her arms.
I stiffen in my chair when she does. It's another gesture of hers: hugging. But it is still too new to be comfortable.
My aunt and uncle never hug me. No one has for as long as I can remember.
Is it normal to hug people?
I wouldn’t even know who to ask.
“I hear you.” Maddie, meanwhile, pulls back. She clicks her tongue at my tears but moves to wipe them off. Her sleeves scratches a little. But I don’t mind it.
Actually, it sort of feels nice. It feels warm like her hands, but I don’t dare say out loud.
It might be too strange.
“But sometimes time can make things much harder to do- more so the older you get.” Maddie goes on.
“What do you mean?” I blink up between tears. “What are you saying?”
Is she saying Papa wants to talk to me?
No, that can’t be true.
“Maddie, he doesn’t want me-”
“Maybe the King’s a big coward?” ” Maddie pushes a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Ever thought of that?”
“Coward?”
“Uh-huh.” Maddie nods. “And maybe that’s why he hasn’t yet.”
“That-” For a moment, a glimmer of doubt does cross my mind. But no, that can’t be.
“Maddie-” It’s preposterous, but I don’t get to say it before Maddie goes.
“I bet you he’s waiting on you to act first.”
“For me?”
“Yup.” And Maddie bops my nose.
“I think the balls are in your court.”
“Ball?” I don’t understand, but Maddie smiles.
“Come on,” And she opens a drawer for fresh paper.
“Maddie,” But she shakes her head and puts it in front of me anyway.
“Just a little letter wouldn’t hurt, now would it?” She pushes my hand to it.
“Just a simple letter, Ana.” Maddie gives a reassuring squeeze.
“Just do that, and I’ll stop.”
"Do you promise?” I perk up. I don’t just mean about the letter.
“We won’t ever speak of this again?”
Maddie nods.
“Cross my heart,” Maddie draws a line over her chest with her finger. I don’t know what it means.
But it sounds convincing enough for me.
“You promised.” I remind her before I dip the quill in ink.
“Just one letter.”
*Anastasia* “We both are.”The last words land like a plate clattering down to the floor. Smashing and splintering into a thousand pieces that echo against the very walls.And for a heartbeat, even the room doesn’t seem to understand what it has just heard. The silence that follows is not respectful—it is blank, stunned, as if the court itself has forgotten what comes after those words. Like losing the next line to the script we’ve all gone by till now.And whereas, I am the one most in the dark.Then the reactions begin. Small from below the dias, wrapped in involuntary sounds. As if the news slowly and finaly takes a form. The court began to break from its stuporA breath catches on a fang somewhere below. A goblet knocks softly against a table as a hand tightens too fast. Someone’s sleeve brushes a neighbor in the sudden shift of bodies, and the fabric makes a quiet rasp that feels indecently loud. The firepits hiss and pop, too bright, too greedy, their heat suddenly irrelevant a
*Anastasia*Mykhol’s hand remains firmly at my waist even after we reach the last step of the dias.His warmth leaks through the very fabric of my gown. It’s a steady and deliberate pressure that should be unnecessary and yet becomes, to my own begrudging admittance, a balance point my body readily accepts before I can. It’s almost shameful enough to hate it, the weakness, mine, can accept room for him like this.But my legs, still rebuilding their trust in me, do not argue as fiercely as my pride does. And it does not help that the dias feels absurdly higher than I remember. It’s not in measurement, it’s not as though the dias grew in the last three days like some plant, of course not. But I mean by the effort it takes to climb them. I feel it all the more. Each step a small negotiation with my hips, with the dull ache at the base of my spine, with the faint swim of dizziness that threatens if I lift too quickly.Thus, it comes as no surprise that our steps blend together in one s
*Anastasia*But I am severely naive. Naive.It is a title I never would have christened myself with before now—not in private, not even in the most unforgiving corners of my own mind. The word existed but it always belonged to others. To courtiers who underestimate my resolve. To young nobles who believe smiles are loyalty. To Lords who mistake ceremony for security.Not to me.And yet it settles on my tongue with a bitter tang, and something in me shifts at the admission—as if a seam I’ve kept stitched too tight has finally begun to give. The golden links over my forehead answer with the faintest clink, metal whispering against metal as my posture adjusts without my permission. A small sound, sterile and precise, and it feels like proof. One even my crown hears the word.Throughout my life, I have prided myself on what I could earn. Not by blood. Not by supposed beauty. Not the easy inheritance of being adored like my cousin. But something pure and evolving. By acquired knowledge.
*Anastasia*The walk through the hall should not feel this long.It is a distance I have crossed hundreds of times—sometimes alone, sometimes with Admiral Nugen at my shoulder, sometimes with Pendwick trailing a respectful step behind like a steady cornerstone. I know every curve of the stone, every arch and candle sconce, the places where the floor dips slightly, the places where the draft likes to creep along the seams.And yet today, the corridor stretches ahead of me as if it has learned a new shape.Something sharp and bitter with a faint taste of truth mixed with cold judgment.The palace has the same pale marble, the same pointed arches rising at measured intervals, but now they feel like narrowed eyes watching my progress. Candlelight flickers in its sconces and lays unsteady gold across the floor, turning the polished stone into something that seems to jerk when I move. Above, banners hang high and heavy, their ropes creaking softly as the winter draft threads down from the t
*Anastasia*“You must announce your engagement to Sir Pendwick,” Nugen’s words leech out, percise and pleading in the same measure, “or we are going to lose everything altogether.”And as if the words themselves seal us both, Nugen’s mouth closes. He doesn’t reach for my hand again.He simply looks up at me—those pale brown eyes fixed steady, the scar at his brow drawn tight—waiting.Not for my understanding.For an answer. Mine. For a moment, I don’t understand the language. The sentence reaches me, yes, but it doesn’t belong to anything in my body—like sound heard underwater, muffled and distorted. I stare at his closed lips, ringed around the last word, and the world tilts. Shifting under my feet like sand that cannot be physically correct. The fire pops behind him, a small, ordinary sound, and the candle flames shiver as if they’ve been startled, too. Somewhere near the window, winter wind worries the panes with a low howl, the glass faintly rattling in its frame. Snow is hea
*Anastasia*The first thing I notice is the weight. Not soley on my chest—though it does sit there like a hand pressed flat, patient and insistent—but behind my eyes, too: a pulsing ache that blooms with every heartbeat, as if something inside my skull is trying to push outward. My throat feels wrong, scraped dry, each breath a shallow drag over sand.And then there is something else, wrapping around everything more vividly than pain.Silence.It is so quiet that for a moment I think I am displaced, still drifting somewhere. The stillness has shape. It fills the air. It presses against my ears until I can hear my own pulse and the faint, soft rasp of my breath.It’s so quiet. Why is it so quiet? It makes no sense. It makes my skin prickle with unease.Everything should still be chaotic—people shouting, arguing over one another, the court swelling with noise like a storm trapped in stone. The courtroom—The courtroom. That’s right. It is the last thing I remember.The thought hits lik
*ANA*“Their Engaged?”The words splinter in my throat like a fishbone, sharp and unforgiving. I freeze, my breath catching like a thread pulled too tight, the air suddenly thick as honey in my lungs. My lips part, trembling at the edges, but nothing comes out except the faintest whisper of exhale.
*Ana*"I'm sorry?" The words slip out smaller than I intend, soft and brittle, like a glass ornament held too tightly. The goblet in my hand feels suddenly heavy, as though the weight of the wine has doubled. The stem, slick from condensation, threatens to slide from my fingers. I shift my grip, bu
*Ana*The music hits me first as we re-enter the ballroom.A waltz—soft but swelling—spins through the air like spun gold, its strings blooming over the hum of conversation and the occasional crystalline clink of silver against porcelain. The moment I cross the threshold, warmth from the crackling
*Ana*That was awful of me.The thoughts sits weighted on my tongue as the quiet in the east wing sits like silk over stone—soft, but weighted. I exhale, the sound barely louder than the ticking of the gilded clock nestled on the mantle across from me. Firelight bathes the sitting room in amber war







