As Messed Up As Me Novels & Stories

I screwed up. I have to make this right.

Damn. I get out of bed with limp motivation and enter my bathroom. While brushing my teeth, the looming thoughts swim free in my mind. I mean, look at me. I, Jessica Williams, am a horrible person, friend, and a waste of space. I can't even hold onto a relationship without it falling apart.

FRED She's a tsunami! I fell right into Ashley's trap. The moment I did, I knew there was no getting out of it, no matter how much I tried to. The situation was a complete mess, one I created with my own hands. Or rather, with my own careless thumbs. I’ve never been more frustrated with myself.

My body has been healed, but my mind is a mashed-up, bloody mess. Things aren’t the same, as much as I want to believe they are.

What did I even do wrong? I raked my fingers through my damp hair, frustration prickling under my skin. At the Southern Alliance roundtable, even when those fox‑like elders tried their little mind games, I could sit there cool as stone and run the whole damn meeting. And now? Now one Ashley had me spiraling like some clueless teenager because she hung up once. Unreal. I unlocked my phone again and opened our pinned chat. My thumbs hovered over the keyboard. “Sorry… did I make you uncomfortable?”

Trapped in a mess so deep I can’t see a way out of it. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

She smiles a little at that but doesn't comment, nor does she lean into me, either. Turning back to where Jazz is studying us, I try to come up with something worthwhile to say, but as my mind is still sluggish, I decide to stick with being blunt. So far that has served us all well today. "I'm so sick of all this shit." Jazz frowns at my words but holds his tongue, and with a loud exhale I force myself to go on. "I'm sick of feeling like a dumb fuck, and I'm sick of everything being so difficult and awkward. We've all made mistakes, and we'll have to deal with this mess eventually, but

“Y-..!” "Hey watch out!" Bruk—I fell on the dusty floor. I was about to rush upstairs, this damn floor and disgusting dust. They have soiled my expensive clothes and also reduced Aldo's good looks. Wait a minute, I took a small mirror from my back pocket, then looked at my reflection. Huhfff…I breathed a sigh of relief, my face was still handsome. I put the glass back and looked at the two people who were currently looking at me with furrowed brows. Even Key, the girl shook her head at me. "What is wrong?" I asked confused. Have they been fascinated by my good looks this time? "Why are you here? Is there something wrong with your little brain not being able to solve the Rubik's cube?"

“Please don’t make this awful.” “I’m trying not to.” The honesty in her voice made guilt twist sharply in my chest. “I just…” I dragged a hand through my hair roughly. “Something’s wrong with me lately.” Lila looked at me carefully. “Wrong how?” I stared out toward the empty football field for a second before answering. “I don’t know. Everything feels messy all the time now.” “Mason messy?” That question sat between us quietly. I didn’t answer. Clearly I didn’t need to.

Something confused and angry and desperate. This was going to be complicated.