Best Your Mom Jokes

Each of my three ex-boyfriends ends up committing suicide right after eating food that my mother, Florence Winters, makes. Their deaths are very different from one another, with the only similarity being that they all eat food made by Mom before they die. Mom goes viral in an instant. She becomes the center of everyone's attention, and she is even taken away by the police. But they never manage to find anything wrong with any of the food she makes. I don't dare to get into another relationship. I pack my things and move out of the house, leaving Mom. Two years later, Mom shows up at my engagement party. She proceeds to feed my fiance, Lawrence Smith, some food…

My sister pulled a knife during a robbery attempt, and we got into a brutal fight. My mom, an auxiliary police officer, arrived at the scene but totally ignored my injury. As I lay in a pool of blood, begging for help, she just cradled my sister and yelled at me, "You're so desperate for attention that you'd hurt your sister? How did I raise a heartless monster like you?" She branded me as the aggressor, ignored my pleas, and rushed my sister, who had mere scratches, to the hospital. I was left alone to die miserably in that deserted alley. When the news of my death arrived, my mother dismissed it as another one of my lies, pointing at my body and demanding I get up to apologize to my sister.

Olivia Holton used to have a secret crush on her brothers bestfriend, that is until he changed. Once they had gotten into high-school his entire personality changed. He forgot that he used to wear braces, and was a nerd before working out two summers ago constantly. He worked out until he was built like a god, got rid of the braces and suddenly popular girls were falling at his feet. It also doesn't hurt when he wears that black leather jacket, has brown shaggy hair and dark green hazel eyes. Jesus the boy is gorgeous but she couldn't can't stand him now. Her secret crushed faded when she realized it was never going to happen with Sean Walker. She gave up on getting her brothers best friend to notice her a long time ago and she wants to move on. She needs to move on but as soon as she started dating a boy, Sean had problems with it.

"You have to remember one thing, I'll never let go of someone who stole something from me, and you're so sassy stealing my kiss. Naomi ... I think you in trouble right now." (*) Starting from a mistake one night, leading Naomi to an affair scandal with an American businessman who was her ice skating club sponsor. Then, after learning that the man was betrothed by his parents and planning to get married soon, Naomi realizes her relationship with Enrico is no longer just a sex partner. Enrico can't undo his matchmaking with Eve because he doesn't want to disappoint his parents, but he also doesn't want to lose Naomi. The woman he recently realized was someone he loved. When Naomi finally decides to leave his life on his wedding day with Eve, how does their story end?

After my mom, Margaret Hale, dies of a heart attack, she starts appearing in my sister Claire Dawson's dreams. In a dream, Mom tells Claire to climb Mount Mistwood before sunrise and burn the entrance ticket for her, or the other ghosts will bully her. Claire doesn't tell me anything. She packs a bag in the middle of the night and forces herself to the summit. While she's gasping her way up that mountain, I'm asleep at home when I suddenly go into cardiac arrest. I wake up in the emergency room with doctors shouting over me. I barely survive before Mom appears in Claire's dreams again. This time, she says skydiving is her last wish. If Claire doesn't do it for her, she won't rest in peace. Claire signs up right away, ignoring everything I say. But then, her parachute refuses to open, and she plummets toward the ground. Luckily, she gets snagged in a tree and walks away without a scratch. Meanwhile, I miss a step going downstairs, tumble to the bottom, end up covered in bruises, and break five ribs. While I'm recovering in the hospital, Mom shows up in Claire's dreams again. Now, she wants Claire to go to the South Pole for her, saying she can finally move on and be reincarnated once Claire completes the trip. Claire doesn't hesitate and books a tour on the spot. While she's taking pictures with penguins, I freeze to death back home during a 104-degree heatwave. Only after I die does it finally hit me that Mom's missions for Claire always end with me on death's doorstep. What I don't understand is how Mom keeps shifting the danger meant for Claire onto me instead. The next time I open my eyes, I'm back on the morning after Mom first appeared in Claire's dream.

Every she-wolf in Crescent Ridge knew the Nightwood name. Lola did not. She grew up in the pack orphanage with no bloodline sponsor, no rich family background, no seat among the pack’s royalties. Some wolves were born into power. Others had to fight for every inch. Lola fought. She worked day and night, building something out of nothing until the Moon Goddess finally blessed her with a fated mate—Alpha Tristain Herdez. He was Powerful, respected, desired by every she-wolf. Five years after their wedding, their house was still empty. The pack physician revealed the truth: Tristain could never father a child. Lola kept his secret and buried herself in work, building a company that all of Texas admired. Then she collapsed during a press conference. Stage four cancer. Less than a year to live. While she prepared to leave a legacy behind, Tristain returned home one day with a newborn, claiming the baby was abandoned at the pack gate. But the child had Tristain’s face and her best friend’s eyes. And Lola was running out of time to uncover the truth.

Paano kung masira ang kasal mo at ng taong mahal mo dahil lang sa kagagawan ng best friend mong may lihim na pagtingin sa 'yo, ano nga ba ang gagawin mo?

“Please, Mr. Kaiden, this is enough,” I begged, forcing my voice and face to look weak, almost tearful. “I’m not done.” I stared at him in disbelief. This man was insane. What more did he want than this? One kiss was not a big deal, but what we were doing was still betrayal. On both sides. “Both of us? You and I are cheating…” He cut me off, rolling his eyes with boredom. “It doesn’t matter who gets hurt as long as we both enjoy what we’re doing. When you’re with me, don’t think about anyone else.” “That’s not easy for someone getting married in two months.” “And what about someone who got married a month ago?” After I said that, he spoke words that hit me like lightning. “Married a month ago.” “A month and a half, to be more precise.” Damn it. I wish I had even a little of his cold calm. “It was like the first day of my honeymoon was yours. I played for you that day.” I froze. “Do you mean you left your wife sleeping on the very first day of your honeymoon… and went out to play music for a girl on the beach?” “Exactly.” ************************×************************ Tara Blackwood never thought her quiet life would turn upside down because of one man. A forbidden man. Kaiden Draven. A powerful lawyer. Her father’s closest friend. Married. A man older than her, dangerous enough to tear down every rule she had lived by. Caught between an engagement that suffocates her and a marriage bound with no love, Tara stands on the edge of a choice that could destroy everyone… or save her heart. So can she resist a man she should never want?

What's worse than being trapped in an elevator with your gorgeous, Rich boss? Being trapped with all three of them. Jack, Gavin, and Harrison aren't just my bosses; they're my brother's filthy rich best friends. After a steamy, unplanned hookup when the lights went out, I'm about to become much more than just the girl next door. There's Jack, whose touch drives me wild. Gavin, the cocky CEO whose dirty orders I can't wait to obey. And Harrison, the sweet, passionate one who pours his heart into everything... including me. I've waited years for these men to finally see me. Now, I belong to them. My body is theirs to devour, my bed is theirs to break. But giving them my heart is a terrifying risk, and I just pray they don't shatter it.

Mom and Dad keep claiming that I'm their firstborn, so they need to love me with all their hearts. Already, they're saving up for my college funds and keep taking me on vacations abroad just to explore the world. This time, I've gotten a full score on my exams. My parents decide to take me and my four-year-old sister, Amelia Orson, on a trip. Worried that I might mind Amelia's presence, they even specifically explain to me that no one is capable of taking care of Amelia in their stead, so she has to come along. I accept the explanation immediately. But Amelia falls sick right before the trip. There isn't any cough syrup left at home, so I use my pocket money to buy some imported cough syrup and feed Amelia with it. I thought I'd get praised for my efforts. Instead, Mom rushes over to induce vomiting for Amelia. With red-rimmed eyes, she scolds me, "How dare you feed her medicine without checking the source! Do you have any idea how lethal that is? When I was young, I almost died from a dose of misused medication fed by my own sister! How dare you try to harm Amelia, you wretched child!" After that, Mom tells Dad to bring out his suitcase so that she can lock me up in it. "You want to go on a trip because you've scored full marks in your exams, right? Fine! Have all the fun you want in the suitcase!" What they've forgotten is the fact that Dad often uses this suitcase on his business trips, so there's a TSA-approved lock on it. I can't even open the suitcase from inside.