Dad Jokes Dirty Novels & Stories

I burst out laughing so hard I nearly choked on my soda. Jenna looks deeply unimpressed. “Yeah, real fucking funny,” she mutters, side-eyeing both of us. “Keep laughing, you bunch of soggy mofos. I’ll remember this when you two need someone to body a man for you in public and I’m too busy teaching spin hooks to felons named Big Maria.” Dawn snorts into her drink. “You’d thrive in there, don’t lie.” “Shut up,” Jenna says, but she’s already smiling.

Jorge says wiping away invisible tears making dad chuckle. "Fucker...I mean it." dad jokes with him, earning a playful punch on his left bicep and making everyone chuckle. "For real though... You guys are the best thing to happen in my life... besides the birth of my daughter. Please, dig in, there's plenty of food, plenty of drinks, and plenty of desserts for everyone. Dig in, dig in." he says motioning to the food and making everyone chuckle.

she said. Donna rolled her eyes. "Only you would say something like that and actually mean it." "I don't know what you mean," she said, causing Donna to look over and laugh. "You're such an adorable little slut." John was standing in front of the toilet, watching the exchange and relieving himself with an amused smile on his face. "Most girls wouldn't be so happy to have a guy's dick in their mouth when they wake up," John said. "Oh," Jessie replied. "I don't know why they wouldn't. I love it!"

“It is farting my cum every time you bounce. Such a sloppy fucking whore. You are going to have to clean this kitchen with your tongue when we are done.” The dirty talk made me ride him harder. I slammed my ass down onto his cock again and again, moaning like a bitch in heat. “Yes Jake, I am your whore. I am your dirty fucktoy. Fuck my ass deeper. Make it gape. I want to feel your cum leaking from both holes for days.”

This was the place where dirty daddies told you exactly how to finger your dripping cunt on camera, how to spread your asshole wide and show them how tight and pink it was, how to slap your swollen clit until your legs shook and you were begging like a pathetic slut. They made you do all kinds of nasty shit live, moaning their names, stuffing both your holes with toys, and they tipped heavy when you got even filthier, when you spread wider, when you fucked yourself harder and showed them exactly how messy your cum looked dripping down your thick thighs in long shiny strings. This particular “DADDYHUGECOCK” was the filthiest one yet. Even though I had never seen him, I had spent weeks imagini

"Jeez Sam, since when has your mind turned so dirty? Keep talking dirty and I'll be jerking off to your dirty thoughts." I chuckle. "You have no idea about my dirty thoughts Jake and how dirty they can get. You'd be jerking off right now, if you knew." I leave with his clothes to the direction he showed me for his bathroom, leaving him behind with his jaw dropped. Ha, serves you right Mister, running around half naked. I'm sure he's dealing a boner right now after my words. Just the thought of me backfiring at him like that makes me laugh. Then again it wasn't a lie, after all his body was causing dirty thoughts in my mind. Damn.

“Fine. What do you call a sad strawberry?” I narrowed my eyes. “A... depressed berry?” “No.” He grinned. “A blueberry.” It was so dumb. So painfully, ridiculously stupid. And yet I laughed. I could feel it bubble out of me, like I hadn’t laughed like that in weeks. “Jesus Christ,” I said, wiping under my eyes, still chuckling. “That was horrible.” “You asked for a dumb joke.” “And you delivered. Goddamn, Andrew. You’re like a walking dad joke machine.”

I kept moaning into his mouth like a shameless slut begging to be fucked. After a few seconds of kissing and sucking my lips, he pulled back a little, finally letting me catch my breath. "Finally, someone that gets me. Your sister doesn't like it when I talk dirty, you know. But you, you're perfect for me. My perfect little whore" "Unghhh,... Ahhhhh...." "Yes baby, just like that. Let me hear you moan like the perfect little slut you are" He started moving his fingers faster, and faster. He inserted a third finger stretching me out completely.

I tried to be sarcastic but it came out as more of a joke. "So Jerry and I are shaing mats now. Cool, cool." He sat down and started stretching. Adam didn't move the mat to make more room between us, even though he could have. And seeing as we kept touching and hitting one another in certain poses, he honestly should have moved.

Anyone could walk in at any moment and see us, but none of us seemed to care. There was a certain thrill to it; the fact that we could get caught. We weren't doing anything illegal, but it sure felt like it. "You shouldn't be pleasured after your actions, yet here you are, enjoying it like a good little slut." I literally moaned. I'd thought dirty talk was overrated, but this… this right here was everything.