Damon Salvatore Funny Quotes Novels & Stories

I bursted out into laughter. The guys followed right in. The living room was filled with laughters. I slumped down onto the couch and against the cushions. “Yeah! Laugh your pretty asses off there instead of helping me!” Alex chided us. Just then, the door bell rang. “Holy motherfucker of sweet potatoes!” Alex cussed out in his ramble. “What was that?” Jake whizzed out between laughter. “Sweet potatoes?” Connor added with a ridiculous look on his face. I tried to reign in my laughter but it was in vain.

He scoffed, “Did you want me to remain in there?” I rolled my eyes and slurped down more of the juice. “Well, again,” he continued, “you hate me, so it’s not surprising at all.” “It’s not—“ “So,” he cleared his theist loudly, interrupting me, “about how I got out, I have my ways,” he murmured, “plus it’s me, Damon Vyon.” I scoffed, shaking my head in disbelief. “You place yourself so fucking high, don’t you? Do you think you’re also above the law?”

he muses, tone light, still not looking at Cael “-it’s interesting… every guy that walks into that restroom comes out with a broken dick.” Cael freezes. Damon shrugs one shoulder, casual as hell. Okay, I know this is not the right time to laugh, but fuck it... I’ve never seen Cael this shaken. “Let’s just say you got lucky today.” Then his eyes slide to Cael in this slow, cold, amused way that makes me want to laugh with him. I bite my lips, swallowing it back. “Be careful, Cael. Next time, you might not walk out with it attached.”

I asked, raising an eyebrow. Damien smirked. “You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Boris recite The Little Engine That Could. Truly heartwarming.” Boris growled, his scowl deepening. “Keep it up, Damien. Let’s see how funny you are when you’re eating soup through a straw.” “You see?” Damien grinned, turning to me. “He threatens violence, but deep down, he’s a teddy bear.” “Deep, deep down,” Maxim added, earning another round of laughter.

Dante’s expression barely changed, unimpressed as ever, his voice coming out flat and dry as he replied, “Careful, I can still throw a punch even like this.” Samson let out another low, amused laugh, clearly entertained rather than threatened. And somehow, despite everything, the sound pulled a small reluctant smile out of Jem too. That seemed to interest Samson even more. “So it’s true,” Samson said lightly while slipping one hand into his pocket. “You’re one of the very few people on earth capable of making Dante Williams look remotely human.” “Samson,” Dante warned calmly. “What?” Samson replied innocently. “I’m being polite.”

Savannah hissed venomously at him. "And what do you know about me?" Damien asked with a smirk. He grazed her knuckles softly. "You are a pathetic person. You always blame and prove others wrong but you haven't the guts to accept your mistakes. You never accept that you are a pathetic person more than anyone else." Savannah said with narrowed eyes. She was fuming in anger. Damien didn't like the words she used. Moreover, she was considering him wrong and Dominic right. Damien wasn't liking it a bit. He breathed heavily.

"Why did you do that, Lena?" "You just heard what she said, didn't you?" I replied without even turning to look at them both. "I want to hear it from the horse's mouth." "There's no stable around here, Damon Salvatore." I quipped. He laughed. "That's the funniest joke you've ever made around me." "I haven't been around you enough to make jokes." "But soon, you would. I like to have you around, you know? You make things more exciting." Just the way you had to push me away so Leah could stand behind you.

He asked again. “A big yes and I’m wondering if she’s gonna answer or I should. But, I won’t and instead I will be on my way out of here, how does that sound. Your opinion doesn’t matter, I can’t love you less for sending me that money. Thank you so much, and you should know my love is fake.” Damon spoke out with his sarcastic humor all over his words, he curved a smile before he backed away stepping on the stairs. “Wait!” Thea shouted a bit.

“Sorry sir, but please can you come again?” “I don't understand what you are saying.” Damon scoffed as his face contorted into disgust, and he swirled the drink that was in his cup, it was whiskey. “Is playing dumb one of your callings too?” He asked, flicking his hair to the side as it fell just right above his eyes. “Because if that's what you are doing, I'd like to announce to you in advance that you might end up being sorry.”

He was teasing now, but there was an edge to it, a challenge. The memory of that night flashed through my mind. Damien's face when he saw his precious car engulfed in flames, the way the paint bubbled and peeled, the acrid smell of burning rubber and melted plastic. It had been a message, pure and simple. Cross me, and face the consequences. "Well, I must say I didn't expect you to do that," Salvatore added, his voice dropping to a more serious tone. I took another long drag from my cigar, savoring the moment. "I didn't know you liked the show. I should have set up a bigger one to entertain you really well." My reply was casual, but I could see the way his jaw tightened at the implication.