Damon Salvatore Funny Quotes Novels & Stories

“I’m scared.” Damon crossed his arms and gave Lucas a long look. “He has good taste, then.” Lucas gasped dramatically. “Was that a joke, Damon? Is the scary Alpha finally developing a sense of humor?” “I’m funny,” Damon muttered. “You’re funny-looking,” Lucas shot back.

“You’re lucky I don’t throw a shoe at your head. And please do not take the money from him. Take it from me, I do not want him paying.” “I’d deserve it,” I said, trailing after her, unable to stop the grin on my face. “And miss, I doubt that you should be taking anything from her. What would they call me? A barbarian or a monster, if I allowed her to be the one to pay while I stood and watched. I'm sorry but I'm a man of class and I'm not going to allow my woman to pay.” “Well, that would require me to be your woman, wouldn't it, Damon?” Sienna sassed. The saleswoman, laughed and looked at the two of us before turning her attention to me.

It never did with him. His lips twisted into a bitter sneer. “You think you’ve got it all figured out, don’t you? You think that billionaire of yours is some kind of savior? Newsflash, Sienna, men like Dante don’t change. They get bored, they move on, and when they do, you’ll be right back where you started. Alone. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He chastised Damien. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Damien replied in the mind link, a voice seething with anger. Alex rolled his eyes at him. “I could ask you that same question!” Alex fired back, completely unfazed by Damien's anger. He might have been the Alpha of the pack to Alex when they were before people, but here, he was just his best friend with anger issues. Damien was stumped and unable to come up with a comeback, so he kept silent for a while.

His face was literally shaped like that of a person cursed always to be unhappy. I shrugged, displaying my open palms. "Just twice a week. I'm pretty reasonable on Sundays." Damian looked baffled, and then an expression of utter disgust crossed his face as his brows drew together, displaying lines on his forehead. "That's…was a joke, you were supposed to find that funny," My voice trailed. "I guess not. Keep your eyes on the road, then. You might find something that spikes your humor there." "I see no reason to. It's not like you're one of those scared to die."

“Long time no see, brother, do you not miss your little brother?” “If you have nothing to say, please hang up, I have important things to take care of, I'm in no mood for your jokes.” He chuckled, “You're still mean as always, tch. How do you plan on getting a wife?” “Damon! Watch your mouth.”

He took a bite and agreed with me before reaching for the ice bucket. “You will love this one.” Damiano poured us a glass of red wine and handed me one. “To you.” He said and clinked our glasses together. “To us.” I corrected him with a smile. “For being bad bitches and outliving our enemies.” I finished and he burst out in laughter. I stilled for a bit, smiling as I loved the sound of his laughter. It was deep and so angelic. It made me the happiest to hear him like this. “Saluti, for being called a bad bitch for the very first time in my life.” Damiano chuckled as he raised his glass.

he managed to utter while I watched him with a crossed face fighting off the smile that threatened to break out. Damon's laughter was the sweetest thing I have ever heard, and the way his eyes curved up was just so beautiful to watch. "Of course the Mafia is real, let's not talk about Rafe anymore, you should sleep now”

I say and he laughs for the umpteenth time. Surely, I’m not that funny. “You’re right,” he says, but in a more serious tone, he speaks again. “I’m alive today because of you. I might be an evil person, but I will never forget the person that saved my life.” “Thank you,” I breathe. “Alright. I’ll make the call. And don’t worry, I’ll tell him you’re one of my best. Trained well, loyal, discreet, and expensive.” For Salvatore, everything eventually boils down to money.

Now, he was beginning to sound like a secretary who was fed up with his employer's shit. "I should've left with my damsel when I had the chance. You're lucky Sarah here is such a darling...No...wait..." He backtracked through his words. "Did I just say 'darling'? I take that back. She's a monster." He placed a huge amount of emphasis on the last word. Damon's eyebrows quirked up in confusion. "What are you even saying?” "Fine, don't believe me. But let me warn you...Never, and I mean never touch her Nutella....otherwise, you'd better get ready to play hide and seek with flying knives."