Dark Humor Jokes No Limits

La noche que le declaré mi amor, mi novia no podía parar de llorar. Decía algo sobre haber visto el futuro y que necesitaba que hiciéramos un pacto. —¿Por qué? —le pregunté. Ella respondió: —No recuerdo bien, solo sé que en el futuro me arrepiento mucho. —Rafael, pase lo que pase en el futuro, ¿me prometes que me darás tres oportunidades? ¿Sí? Claro que se lo prometí. La amaba profundamente. Pero con el tiempo, ella pareció olvidar por completo aquella promesa. Hasta que la vi meterse con su asistente y entonces empecé a entenderlo. En el momento exacto en que firmé los papeles del divorcio, una voz conocida resonó en mi mente. Era la Lorena de diecinueve años. Lloraba, suplicando: —Rafael, me lo prometiste que me darías tres oportunidades. ¿Verdad?

Claire life crashes when she comes home to an empty apartment. Her boyfriend, Ben had run away with all her savings, sold all her furniture, leaving her with nothing but a broken heart. She tries to forget the heart ache by having a one night stand with a handsome stranger. Her luck changed when her father, a media mogul, who she never thought existed shows up introducing her to her step brother. But in an odd twist she realizes that he was her one night stand.

Rejected by her fated Alpha on the night she was to become Luna, Saelaith Night is cast out from the only home she’s ever known. But this is no ordinary exile. Hidden within her veins flows a forgotten bloodline tied to the Moon Goddess herself; a power that could shake the foundations of the entire werewolf world. Now hunted, betrayed, and armed with ancient secrets, Saelaith must rise from the ashes as the rogue Luna; stronger, fiercer, and more determined than ever. But Alpha Vaeron Stone, the cold and ruthless leader who rejected her, is not done with her yet. Their broken bond harbors dark magic, deadly enemies, and a love neither can forget. In a world where packs vie for power, secrets breed betrayal, and the Moon’s prophecy spells doom or salvation, Saelaith faces a choice: surrender or claim the throne by any means necessary. Will she become the Luna of no one; or the goddess they all fear?

[Dark romance! R18!] “A MacKnight does not deserve anything good.” She responded. “And…” I pushed her, and she took in a deep breath and added, “A Macknight does not deserve mercy.” “And…” I pushed further, enjoying this rare moment of seeing Andromeda MacKnight breaking down in front of me. “MacKnigts are less than dogs.” Mmmmm! I’m impressed. “I would love to hear these words every morning when you wake me up” _________ Andromeda was willful but smart, intelligent, attractive, and had a powerful background to boot. Beneath those compliments lay a young girl who was just tired of everything. There was a controlling father, a jerk boyfriend she didn't dare to break up with, and a career she dared not flop. She bottled it all up until she couldn't hold it in anymore. Then she flipped. However, she chose the wrong person to pour her frustrations on. It destroyed his fragile paradise, taking so much more from him than she could ever imagine. Her carelessness brought her father's empire to its knees, and Andromeda MacKnight had to serve Luther Whitlock in every capacity he commanded. It was the only way to keep her family's heads on their necks. What would happen when Luther began to feel every pain he inflicted on her, wishing he could stop himself, but her face reminded him of every sleepless night he had had in the last five years? It seemed like love alone wasn’t enough to melt his stony heart.

Kehidupan Hayu sudah terlihat sempurna. Dia merasa sudah puas dengan kehidupannya selama ini. Gadis asal Jogja ini menyukai pekerjaannya yang stabil. Walau gajinya tidak besar, memiliki atasan yang baik membuat Hayu betah bekerja di Nillson Home. Terlebih lagi ada dua karibnya, Mbak Maya dan Damar yang selalu menjadi support system terbaiknya. Dalam urusan cinta, Hayu juga beruntung. Dia telah menjalin hubungan bertahun-tahun dengan Samudra, seorang pelukis mumpuni dengan ketampanan khas pria Jawa. Ketika Hayu akan menginjak usia 29 tahun, ada satu hal yang benar-benar diinginkannya, yaitu menikah dan hidup bersama Sam. Sayangnya dia harus kecewa ketika Sam menyatakan belum siap untuk menikahinya. Tapi Hayu tidak menyerah. Dia masih percaya bahwa Sam adalah jodohnya. Kehidupan Hayu menjadi semakin rumit ketika masalah di kantor juga mengusiknya. Dia dihadapkan pada kenyataan bahwa atasan yang selama ini menjadi mentornya akan menyerahkan perusahaan kepada Jason, keponakannya yang berasal dari Swedia. Artinya Hayu akan memiliki atasan baru, seorang pria asing yang tampan dan menarik perhatian banyak wanita. Drama dan gosip pun mulai bermunculan ketika ada satu skandal besar terkuak di perusahaan itu. Bagaimana Hayu menjalani kehidupannya saat ini yang berbanding terbalik dengan kehidupannya dulu yang terlihat sempurna?

In eight years together, my boyfriend—Shayne Raffield—blocked me eighty-eight times. This time? Because I missed his call. At my best friend's birthday party. Usually, I'd panic-order a gift, then stand outside his office, head down, ready to beg. But today? I blocked him first. The Chat Feed popped up, loud as ever: [Nooo, Ley-Bae, don't block Shay-Shay! He's just got abandonment issues. Comfort him!] [Shay's heart = shattered; Eyes = red. Ley, go! One pout and he's yours again!] Then Shayne called. Didn't say a word. Just breathed for ten seconds and hung up. The Chat Feed freaked out. [AHHHH SHAY LOVES LEY SO MUCH HE JUST SUCKS AT SAYING IT. THIS COWARD'S GONNA LOSE HIS GIRL.]

During a company retreat to Colmar, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose at sunset, surrounded by colleagues. Instead, in the golden light, he dropped to one knee with a ring in hand in front of someone else. “Lana, I’m ready to be the father of your child. Will you marry me?” Lana, the woman Mark had loved for ten years, his unforgettable first love. I stared at the two, watching them embrace. Then I quietly turned away, booked myself a trip three days out, and went home for an arranged date. A year later, I ran into him again when I returned to the country. Mark’s eyes were bloodshot as he grabbed my wrist. “Rosie, you’re finally back. Don’t leave me again…”

In high school, Ivy Monroe was the quiet nerd no one noticed—except when they were laughing at her. And Liam Calloway? He led the laughter. Now Ivy’s all grown up—famous, flawless, and filthy rich. She’s the CEO of her own luxury fashion brand, and she’s never looked back... until her father drops a bomb, “You’re getting married. To him.” That’s right. Liam freaking Calloway. The arrogant golden boy who once humiliated her in front of the entire school is now the heir to a crumbling empire. And the only way to save both their families is to tie the knot. Ivy agrees, but with rules. No touching. No feelings. And definitely no falling in love. But Liam isn’t the same boy from high school. He’s hotter, cockier, and way too determined to make their fake marriage feel a little too real. Let the games begin. Because this time, she’s the one holding the power. And he has no idea what he’s up against.

I, Ginny Tremaine, have a written agreement in my mate contract with Tyler Kingsley, the chairman of the Werewolf Council. As long as I proposed to him 99 times first, he promised to personally show up at the Office of Werewolf Mate Affairs on the 100th time and complete our marking ceremony. However, Tyler doesn't show up on the promised day and instead appears on the main stage of the Silvernight Music Festival with his lover, Vivian Lowe. In the livestream watched by the entire pack, he leans down and kisses her so intimately that it's practically a declaration of ownership. The social media networks instantly erupt with excitement. "#ChairmanOfTheWerewolfCouncilOfficiallyRevealsMate." "Chairman of the Werewolf Council caught kissing his lover and showing PDA." At the same time, I become a trending search for standing in front of the Mate Affairs office for the 100th time. Everyone speculates about the identity of the mystery man who never showed up and wonders if I will try for a 101st proposal. Tyler, likely feeling guilty, promises me the next day, "Next time, I promise I'll be there on time." He arrives in a crisp suit with papers in hand, standing outside the Mate Affairs office. But all he receives is a short message from me, saying, "Alpha Tyler, there won't be a 101st proposal. We're truly over."

Celia Johnson, my boss's sister-in-law, joined the company as the finance director and announced that all reimbursements must strictly follow the standards. I spent an entire week running around for the company and finally closed a five-hundred-thousand-dollar deal. Because the client had used two extra packs of paper towels, the per-person amount for their meal ended up eight dollars over the limit. Celia folded her arms, glanced at the reimbursement form on my desk, and sneered. "Five hundred and eight dollars?" "Yes. Last night at The Peak Restaurant, where we closed Richard's deal. Zack was there too," I explained patiently. "Eight dollars over the per-person limit. Not reimbursable," Celia said coldly. I tried to reason with her. "This was a special case. The client is high-level, and the deal amount is large, and Zack personally said it would be fully reimbursed last night." She returned the reimbursement form to me. "I don't care who said that. Don't think closing a five-hundred-thousand-dollar contract lets you ignore company rules. Reimbursements must all follow policies. Everyone will follow them to the letter." I took a deep breath. I knew arguing with her head-on would get me nowhere, so I called Zack directly. Zack said, "I did say it would be reimbursed, but I never said company rules could be ignored. It's just five hundred. And you still get commission from closing the deal. You young people need to have perspective." I stopped arguing. I turned around and refused the delivery containing the hard copy of the five-hundred-thousand-dollar cooperation contract, smiling as I explained, "Company rules say all cash on delivery packages must be refused. "Also, today is my last day here. Starting tomorrow, I work for Richard's company. As the client, I will be setting the rules this time."