Dark Humor Jokes No Limits Orphans Novels & Stories

Right before me, they began to lock lips, making me scrunch up my face in disgust. I waited for them to be done and when they were, I spoke up again. "I need to pee." I said, making all of them burst out into a round of hysterical laughter. "Go on. Don't let us stop you." Jordan mocked. "Just let it all out." Steve said, in between laughter. "Or you need to...strip, first?" Their laughter got even louder with every stupid joke they made, and I was slowly loosing it. I was tired of being laughed at and ridiculed by these bunch of assholes.

Liam said with grin “It most certainly is,” Bruce said with a frown. “You didn’t even give the joke a chance,” Garth said. “A joke that involves bestiality doesn’t deserve a chance,” Bruce said haughtily. “Where did you hear these jokes? You guys have never been joke tellers.” “That hotter than smoke brunette in the red dress,” Garth answered bluntly. “She’s been telling all kinds of jokes for the past forty minutes to various people.” “Like who?” Bruce asked with concern.

If I had the energy to smack them, I would have done it, but alas, aside from being able to move my lips and fingers slightly, I feel like I’m completely bedridden. “Here, have some water. You must be thirsty as hell after all this time.” Somebody said before I felt a straw by my lips and with all the energy I could muster, I sipped and sipped. I must have been drinking a lot because I heard the sound of people coming in and one suddenly spoke. “Whoa, somebody’s about to create another desert.” I knew only Aspen would come up with such a terrible dad joke so I used up my energy to flip him off from the bed, which made everyone else laugh.

’’ Adamie clasped his palms together. ‘‘I’m definitely getting the booze!’’ Andy said. ‘‘Drunk mofo,’’ Adamie replied, ‘‘Y’all remember that time Andy’ got so drunk at Brian’s party then he puked on the buff DJ and got his ass beat?’’ All of them apart from Andy burst into laughter. ‘‘Well, I’m better than fat Robert who passed out after taking two Oxycontine pills then got a dick drawn on his plumpy cheeks.’’ Andy defended.

I couldn't help it; I let out a snort that turned into a genuine laugh. "That is terrible, Jovan! Seriously, that is a peak corporate dad joke." Jovan laughed along with me, clearly pleased. "Hey, it worked. You’re laughing. You’ve been wound up like a guitar string since yesterday." "A guitar string about to snap?" I teased back. "Close enough," he replied, watching me with an expression that was softer than I’d ever seen. I wiped a stray tear from the corner of my eye. For the first time since the terror started, I felt light. The weight on my shoulders had been lifted, replaced by the simple comfort of a shared meal and a bad pun.

someone yelled. "I won’t shut up until someone answers!" Lucas shouted back, clearly enjoying the attention. "We don’t know and we don’t care, so shut the hell up, Lucas!" another voice barked. "Wrong! It’s called Lemon-aid! Get it? Like the drink?" The groan this time was even louder. "Dad jokes are never, ever funny," Elodie muttered, shaking her head.

She hissed, “we need to leave immediately!” “Alright, alright.” I patted her arm. “I’ll just get the eggplants.” I turned and beamed widely at the worried girl. “Have you seen a brinjal this big and shiny?! It’s like—.” “A cock soaked in cum,” someone said. What...? My face feel deadpanned as it swivelled up to voice. An elderly man in Einstein’s age and appearance was bellowing in laughter at his own dirty joke, his round belly shaking uncontrollably.

He made me laugh, a genuine, bubbling sound that felt good after the fear. “Your turn,” he challenged, when he finished. “Tell me a joke. Something to keep the darkness at bay.” I thought for a moment. “Okay, okay… What do you call a fake noodle?” He raised an eyebrow, a slight smile playing on his lips. “What?” “An impasta!” I delivered the punchline with a flourish, and he actually laughed, a deep, booming sound that warmed the room. “Alright, alright, that was a good one, for a rookie,” he teased. “My turn. Why did the scarecrow win an award?”

This is making me excited that I started to giggle. “Goddess, we can’t thank you enough for liberating us from the evil vulture. Tell us, what can we do to repay your kindness?” One of the ladies askes. “You can give me your first born child as an offering.” I said with a straight face. I waited for a few seconds as I absorbed their horrified looks before I threw my head back and laughed like a maniac. “Ahh…” I wheezed and wiped a tear from my eyes. “I’m just kidding. I hate kids. They talk too much and ask too much. I once had to babysit 5 brats and it was a nightmare!”

“Look, I'm sorry. I was just joking. Have you forgotten im The joker?” “Your jokes are lame.” I quipped. “Really dry.” “Whatever you say.” Oliver chuckled. “Just let me go.” “Whatever you say.” I did as I was told. The loud thud in which Oliver plunked to the ground was more than satisfying, and if I could do it again, I would pin him the way I'd just did. “Asshole.” He spat, before we both broke out into a laugh. Our laughter hit the sky for a couple of minutes, before slowly crashing down again. In a more serious tone this time, Oliver added. “Congrats man, I'm happy for you.”