I Just Hit a Button, Not on Him
On the first day of my position as the branch manager of the branch company, I tell my assistant, Derek Mahoney, to not follow me around, seeing as I want to scope out the actual situation at the company in advance.
After entering an elevator, I notice that a male colleague has his hands full because of a box he's carrying, so I help him jab the button of the floor he wants to visit.
Before I can even retract my arm, the female colleague next to me is quick to slap my hand off the panel.
"Where do you think you're touching? Are you trying to get cozy with him just because he's a guy?"
The male colleague is stunned, to say the least. He quickly spoke to her in a lowered tone, "Are you nuts, honey? That lady was just lending me a helping hand!"
The woman merely pinches the colleague furiously before hoisting me by the collar.
"Lending you a helping hand, huh? She's already rubbing up on you and trying to help you out in every way possible even though I'm around. Does that mean she'll start seducing you outright if I'm not here?"
I frown at the woman's logic and try to be reasonable with her.
"Ma'am, please show me some respect. I'm the new—"
"You're new?" The woman cuts me off with a scoff. "How dare you seduce my husband on your first day here! You really think I don't exist at all, huh?"
Seeing as the elevator has reached my floor, I don't want to waste my time on the crazy woman any longer, so I try to leave.
Mistaking my reaction for one of guilt, the woman quickly grabs my collar and yell, "Now you're trying to leave after stirring shit up, hmm? A minx like you isn't permitted to stay in the company! You must get fired immediately!"