control
I said, and I meant it in a way that had nothing to do with the Westbrook account.
"Oh," Eli said, and there was understanding in his expression. "That kind of processing."
"I don't know how to do this," I said, and I was terrified by how much vulnerability was in that admission. "I don't know how to exist outside of my control structures. I don't know how to let someone actually see me."
"You already are," Eli said. "You're doing it right now."
"It's terrifying," I said.
"I know," Eli said. "But you're still doing it. That's what counts."