Food Jokes Novels & Stories

Blurb “Please, trust me Luke, I didn't poison your meal, I can't sign this divorce document” Sarah cried out with a pleading eyes. “Sign them now, or you won't like to see me in the next second” he fired, squeezing the pen into her hand. <<<<< Sarah and Luke love story was a kind all couples both young and old will live to imitate. But suddenly, Luke, who was an angel to Sarah, turns to be the demon she never knew the hatred and beat her to pulp as slight mistake. She thinks so hard of what might be wrong with him, yet she couldn't find until one when she came back from work to pick an urgent document only to see her husband and her best friend in her marital bed having sex and still got beaten for it by Luke. A life of slavery all the time, she decided to marry Luke due to the pain her manipulative stepmother had always caused her, she was happy she found a man who was ready to marry her, but then he turns to be the worst human to endure with, yet she stayed behind. Keila, her best friend who she tells her story now betrayed her, even moving in to leave with them. She was turned a slave in her husband's house while Keila made mockery of her, sometimes lies again her to Luke just to get Sarah beaten up. But what happened when Luke food was poisoned and Sarah was pointed to be the suspect? Luke decided to divorce her and move ahead with Keila life, will Sarah ever war to win him back, or will she leave? When she discovered she was pregnant, will she accept to give her baby out? All she sought was revenge and nothing more.

{SUPPORT = MOTIVATION = MORE UPDATES} Valery Hale ~ All I ever wanted was a comfortable life for me and my brother, Derek. With no parents, I had to work hard to put food on our table. Derek needs to go to school, and I need money for the never-ending bills. Just when life starts getting good, fate decides to throw in a box of scorpions. I can barely make ends meet every month, as if that isn’t hell enough. How am I supposed to make the CEO of a multibillion-dollar company fall in love with me? Did I mention he’s also an Alpha Lycan?   Nathaniel Kress ~ For generations, KressCo. has met the needs of The BloodFlame Pack. Being the next Alpha, I am to also take over as the CEO of the company, but my father won’t let me until I claim someone to replace my deceased Mate. I don’t believe in second-chance Mates and even if I did, not Valery. I should've rejected her from the start because now I can’t get her out of my head. If only I knew she wasn’t the innocent lamb she was so good at pretending to be... -- Jaden points the loaded gun at me. “Valery, you have three months to get the bastard to marry you. Succeed, and you’ll get your brother back in one piece. Fail.” My heart skips a beat at the click sound the gun makes in his hands. “Fail, and I’ll break every bone in his body, then feed him to my sharks.” He threatens with his hand outstretched to me. “It’s simple enough, so do we have a deal?” The Mafia Lord asks, his lips curving to form an evil grin. Like I have a choice. “Yes.” --

On the day my dad, the Don of the Capone family, comes to the orphanage to take me home, I show up in a tactical helmet and a bulletproof vest. "I'm not going home with you. You're definitely doing this to trick me into getting married to a perverted old geezer in a marriage alliance. I bet my adopted sister has made preparations to start fake-crying anytime by loading up on her eyedrops." My dad is amused, to say the least. "Why would any of that happen? Silvia is nothing but welcoming you to our home! Also, our family isn't a lowly organization that deals with human trafficking." But I refuse to believe my dad at all. On the way home, I keep typing something on my phone. My mom, the Donna, leans over curiously. "Are you writing a diary entry?" "Nope. I'm writing tips on 'How to Survive the Mafia.'" 1) My food will definitely be poisoned. 2) If I get close to a staircase, I'll definitely get pushed down the stairs. 3) I'll get framed for something that I've never done before. My parents swear to me that none of the things I've written will ever happen. They tell me that my adopted sister, Silvia Capone, has a great personality, and things are amicable in the family. However, everything changes when Silvia brings me a glass of juice before lunchtime and insists on watching me drink it. Instead, I dump the juice into a nearby vase of flowers. Just as my parents are about to scold me for wasting the juice, smoke begins drifting from the flowers inside the vase. Then, they start wilting rapidly. I calmly leave a bright red checkmark behind the "poison" tip. As my parents stare at the dead flowers, they can feel color draining from their faces. "You should send the juice to a chem lab for analysis."

Warning: This is the most painful Love Triangle you'll ever read! Ever since Cami left the family where his older brothers sold her, she's been wandering around the City for days. No food, no water, no shelter, it's good that it's raining that time, so she can drink somehow. No one intends to help her. She has been through all the hardship living alone, she's been bullied and mistreated by the people she knows. Until Dylan and Stan came to save her, offer her a shelter and all, so the two of them became her hero, Dylan offer her a shelter and care. At first, she didn't believe that Dylan would be good to her because of what she had gone through with other people, especially her own family. She became closer to Dylan, probably because they lived in the same roof. Dylan is a very kind person, gentle, caring, passionate and charming but grumpy sometimes. She already liked the young man. But she knew he was unlikely to like her, he was just nice to her because he was a good person. She always watched the young man. Dylan is quite close to Stan's sister Zaneah because Dylan is Zaneah's protector, She didn't know that Gabe, the prince charming of Crown University, was also watching her while she was watching Dylan. There isn't a day that Gabe doesn't tickle and irritate her. One day Dylan and her were together when he left her for Zaneah, sad and hurt her badly, Gabe suddenly came to offer her his comfort. From that day on, whenever she was sad, he just called Gabe, and he came immediately to comfort her. Will she choose the person she loves or choose the person who always there for her and willing to love her?

Tyler never wanted an Alpha, especially not someone like Landon Hayes. At Ridgecrest Academy, Landon is at the top of the food chain—dominant, arrogant, and used to getting everything he wants. But Tyler isn’t like the other Omegas who fall at his feet. Defiant and independent, he’s determined to finish his year and leave without ever being claimed. Landon has other plans. The moment Tyler caught Landon’s eye, it was game over. Tyler’s quiet defiance and refusal to submit ignite something in Landon he can’t ignore. For the first time, Landon is chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught. At Ridgecrest, the rules are simple: the strongest Alpha gets what he wants. And Landon Hayes wants Tyler. *** “You—” he starts to say, but his voice catches. I see his pupils dilate, his lips parting as he tries to push back against what’s happening. I let the red flash in my eyes, just for a second, enough to show him who’s in control here. It’s not about scaring him—it’s about reminding him of the natural order of things. The way this has always been meant to go. “Submit,” I growl. He whines. It’s quiet, barely audible, but I hear it. His body betrays him for just a second, his knees wobbling as his head lowers, shoulders hunching in instinctual submission. His eyes flick away, and I can see it—the brief moment where his will cracks. And god, it’s intoxicating. That split second of submission is all I need to know that he’s mine. He might fight it, but his body knows. His scent tells me everything I need to know. It’s only a matter of time before he breaks completely, before he’s begging for it.

{SUPPORT = MOTIVATION = MORE UPDATES} Valery Hale ~ All I ever wanted was a comfortable life for me and my brother, Derek. With no parents, I had to work hard to put food on our table. Derek needs to go to school, and I need money for the never-ending bills. Just when life starts getting good, fate decides to throw in a box of scorpions. I can barely make ends meet every month, as if that isn’t hell enough. How am I supposed to make the CEO of a multibillion-dollar company fall in love with me? Did I mention he’s also an Alpha Lycan?   Nathaniel Kress ~ For generations, KressCo. has met the needs of The BloodFlame Pack. Being the next Alpha, I am to also take over as the CEO of the company, but my father won’t let me until I claim someone to replace my deceased Mate. I don’t believe in second-chance mates and even if I did, not Valery. Making her my secretary was me being merciful, but now I can’t seem to get her out of my head. If only I knew she wasn’t the innocent lamb she was so good at pretending to be... -- Jaden points the loaded gun at me. “You have three months to get the bastard to marry you. Succeed, and you’ll get your brother back in one piece. Fail.” My heart skips a beat at the click sound the gun makes in his hands. “Fail, and I’ll break every bone in his body, then feed him to my sharks.” He threatens with his hand outstretched to me. “It’s simple enough, so do we have a deal?” The Mafia Lord asks, his lips curving to form an evil grin. Like I have a choice. “Yes.” --

WARNING️This is not a sweet love story. It’s a raw, dark, sensual tale of survival and surrender. These mountain men would ruin everything our little Goldilocks knows about love. “Don’t you want to cum, goldie?” Draven whispered harshly as his rough hands pinned her wrists above her head. Luca’s lips trailed fire down her throat, nipping at her pulse, while Mateo’s fingers dipped between her thighs, teasing her wetness as she wiggled desperate for friction. “No escaping this storm—or us.” She arched against them, a whimper escaping her lips as Luca claimed her mouth in a bruising kiss. There was no need arguing because she had known from the day they had walked in to find her naked in their bed that she was… Theirs To please. *** Soraya, a victim of abuse at the hands of her psychotic husband never thought that she would ever be free. She thought that she would wither away and die at his hands so when the opportunity to escape came, although unlikely, she grabbed it. She was free? Sadly, no. Mere hours into when her flight to freedom had taken off did it come crashing down. Literally!! She had barely had time to get over her narrow survival when she found herself trapped in a large mansion in the middle of nowhere. And worse of all, she's not alone. Have you ever heard the tale of Goldilocks and the three bears? The one where she stumbled into a cozy little cabin, ate their food and then got away scott free with three new friends. This is not that tale. In this tale, Goldie did stumble into the house of the three bears but she never went free. Instead, she discovered three psychotic brothers who showed her the consequence of trespassing.

To ensure fairness, my daughter said that she would draw lots to choose whose family to spend the New Year’s with every year. However, for the past nine years, she had spent the New Year’s with her in-laws. The latest draw was no different. On New Year’s Eve, my daughter gave me specific instructions. “Mom, we’re spending the New Year’s with my in-laws. We’ve made a reservation at the most expensive restaurant in town. Please help me save some money. You can just make some food at home for your dinner.” Hence, on New Year’s Eve, I ate alone while watching TV at home. When I stood up, I accidentally knocked over the raffle box. All the lots inside the box had my daughter’s handwriting. The words ‘in-laws’ were clearly written on every single one of them. For the past ten years, the lots had been fake. My daughter was willingly spending the New Year’s celebration with her in-laws, and she had never once thought of spending it with me, her biological mother, who had spent so much money on her. At the same time, I got a notification on my phone. Her mother-in-law posted something on social media. [My daughter-in-law is so lovely. She bought me so many gifts and chose to spend the New Year’s with us. It’s as if she’s our own daughter!] They smiled brightly in the video. On the table were gifts that she bought using my retirement fund. I did not sleep for the whole night. The next morning, I called the bank. “Please remove all the auto-debit accounts from my retirement account.” From then on, I would only spend my money on myself.

Reputation is more like a currency in Minerva's high. But ‘perfect’ Vienne Reyes seem to be going bankrupt recently, especially since her boyfriend chose to humiliate her by through a public breakup. As though that wasn't enough, he got together with her spiteful ex-best friend who would do anything to get her trampled on. Beautiful, good grades, perfect social standing, big family name, but these all seem to be mocking her after Ryan Knox broke up with her and gave the elite students of Minerva's high school chance to gossip about her. Mortification and emotional disruption had lead her to the club where she got ‘entangled’ with a boy and the scene got captured. Key in Damon Calloway; blunt, cold and nonchalant. One of the school's brooding scholarship kid and basketball star who wouldn't want to have anything to do with the elite kids and their drama; infact he looks down on them even with his tanking grades. Vienne wouldn't back down with a fight; she wants her boyfriend back, hence the fake-dating proposal with Calloway as a result of the pictures. Fake dates, hangouts, pictures, and all in exchange for tutorial sessions. Through snide remarks, playful bants, jabs, inevitable proximities, no one knew when the line between fake and reality began to get blurry. Gossips, aristocrats, schemes, romance, twists and secrets, would the two be able to get through? ‘ Ryan was looking over? Was he really? Right at the moment, I could truly feel the heat of his gaze on the back of my neck. “Is he still looking?” “Yeah” I adjusted my hair, not knowing why I was getting unnecessarily giddy. “I don't have a food scrap on my lips right? Do I look pretty enough?” A few seconds passed before his deep low voice rasped out. “Gorgeous…” ‘

Ever since my mom gave birth to her second child, everything in the household is tied to drawing lots. Everyone has to draw lots in order to decide whose favorite food will be served for each meal. We have to draw lots to see who among us gets a hug from our parents. Every time, I end up drawing the short end of the stick, so everyone automatically assumes that my younger sister, Anabelle Madden, gets the better lot. She easily reaps my parents' love without having to do anything at all. Whenever I feel like crying because of the injustice, Mom will scold me instantly. "I bought the lottery box because I was worried that you might feel upset about this. I'm doing this just to be fair to both of you. "If you want something, you have to be the one deciding who gets what. Your father and I won't interfere with your decision at all. Since you can't draw the better lot, that just means you have bad luck." Hence, I keep practicing my lot-drawing skills every day, hoping that I can eventually draw the better lot in order to obtain my parents' love. But for ten years, I never get to draw the better lot. Not even once. On my birthday, Anabelle wants to go to the amusement park, so Mom tells us to draw lots once again. I secretly glue two short lots together before giving it to Mom in an attempt to get her to stay with me. Instead, she slaps me and berates me for being a disobedient child who cheats in lot-drawing. Then, she leaves the house with Anabelle. When I fall to the floor, I feel the short sticks piercing through my neck.