Funny Adult Jokes

He smirked, knowing he was on the winning side. "So it's a done deal for three months?" He raised his eyebrows, putting his hand forth for a handshake. I looked at the long fingers and perfectly aligned nails and then at his patient face. Sighing to myself I my own hand into his and ignored the tingles that flowed through every nerve as his fingers curled around my hand and shook it lightly. "Yeah three months." "Goodnight then." He winked, removing his hand from mine and turned to walk away. "Hey wait!" I called out, suddenly remembering something. "You don't have my number." "What makes you think that? I have my ways Smith." And with one last wink I saw him take a turn and disappear from my sight. I let out a long breath, leaning on the nearby wall. Looks like I just made a deal with the Devil. * A sarcastic girl, a cocky guy. Throw in some mystery, murder, filthy jokes, wonderful friends, tons of kisses, secrets, surprises, eye-rolls and a killer on run. And you have got yourself a story never read before. ***So grab a cup of hot chocolate, some chips and a warm blanket and get ready to laugh, cry and bite your lip in anticipation. Enjoy!!

At dinner, Tiffany White grabs my fiance's phone and spends 100 thousand dollars on a designer bag. She even sticks her tongue at me. "Come on, Meredith. You're loaded. You won't mind such a small amount, right? Shawn and I share everything. His money is my money," she says. Everyone at the table waits for me to lose my temper or smile and let it slide like a saint. Instead, I calmly take out a voice recorder and my laptop from my bag and adjust my gold-rimmed glasses. "100 thousand meets the threshold for criminal filing. Since you said you two share everything, I have to ask—is this embezzlement or an illegal transfer tied to an improper personal relationship? "Oh, and what you just said about 'his money is my money'? I recorded that. According to the supplemental clauses in our prenup and the company bylaws, I'm officially initiating an asset-freezing order against Shawn Harrison." I turn to Tiffany. "Enjoy your free meals in prison, Ms. White." Shawn is livid. "It was just a joke, Meredith. Is it really necessary to ruin me over this?" I hit the "enter" key. "Sorry. In my book, there are no jokes—only bad debt."

Warning: 18+ only contains explicit scenes and adult languages featuring hard-core taboo and young adult erotica. This is an erotic compilation containing stories of irresistible fun, steamy, filthy and naughty stories. Get ready to be intrigued and feel the ultimate excitement . ******* I pulled her p*ssy lips apart and just stared at how pretty and pink she was. “So fucking hot,” I growled and spat directly on her swollen, little clit and watched my saliva drip down her slit and toward her ass. Melanie inhaled sharply and shook her head, whispering, “No. I don’t want this.” I chuckled darkly. “Your body tells another story.” She gripped my head, ripping my ball cap off, and tried to push me away. But she was no match for my strength and how much I wanted to suck on her cunt. I wanted to make Melanie come all over my face. I wanted to force an orgasm from her so she cried and hated herself. “Sweet, soft little p*ssy,” I murmured against her now soaked pussy and dragged my tongue through her slit. I nipped at her swollen clit, causing her to moan and cry and curse me out. I latched onto her clit again and sucked it in hard and deep. Her scent and flavor drove me crazy. I growled like a wild animal as I ate her out. This moment, this woman made me feel frenzied. I wanted to devour her. She kicked and pulled my hair, tried to scratch my face, and told me “no” and “stop” in between her moans of pleasure.

Emily, a young adult trying to find her meaning to life, is put into a dilemma when she's killed in an attempt to save the one she loves . She's given another shot at life at the cost of her beloved friend, becoming the guardian of the gate between the Vampire and the human realm. In her plight to become human again, she must complete the last guardian's mission to close the gates of the underworld and lock all the wandering vampires back in. Will she be able to accomplish her mission when her heart begins to beat for the dethroned King of vampires who plans to stop her from sealing the gates of the realm?

After my father passed away three years ago, my mother drifted through relationships, never staying with one man for long. When we moved in with Professor Williams, I was surprised to discover his two adult sons still lived at home. Phoenix seems decent, but Jack? He despises me. He’s convinced my mother is after his father’s money, and that I’m just her useless shadow, dragged along for the ride. Their judgment hangs thick in the air—every glance feels like a scalding brand. And trapped under the same roof, there’s nowhere to hide.

The prophecy has been told. A Tribrid will be born to slaught*er every people who oppose with its rule. She will be the queen of all, and every person who will go against her will not only lost his life, but will also burn his soul. Every races was threatened, thus, they made one cruel rule: No Tribrid shall be born. However, few years later, an omega from Shadow pack made a disturbance with its destructive power that trembled everyone. But no one had found where the Tribrid girl after the incident. They were restless. They need to find the tribid and kill it before everything became too late. One the other hand, Sidrich was oblivious of the destructive power within her. Being abused and slaved her whole life, it was hard for her to trust someone again. But meeting the second prince of Sharmai empire, Prince Alastair, Sidrich found herself trusting the prince instantly. His flirtatious remarks, his corny jokes, and his undying devotion to protect Sidrich at all cost beyond everything and everyone made the latter feel safe and comfortable towards the prince. Amidst of all chaos and chasing, the two fought for their love that has never been permissible. However, happiness comes with a price. With enemies trying to find and kill the tribrid, could the two of them would be able to fight until the end of all the havoc?

Two months into my cold war with Sean, the lover he’d been keeping finally danced her way right up to me, the real deal. Everyone expected me to react the same way I always had before, kicking up a huge scene to stake my claim. Instead, I looked at the intimate photos of Sean and her in the group chat, smiled, and sent them my blessing. [Looking good. Wishing you two a long and happy life.] The chat went dead silent. Sean must’ve sobered up from his little paradise because in the middle of the night, he drove home and pounded on my door. He was furious. “Do you think this is funny?” However, I only met his gaze calmly. “Honestly, after all these years, none of it is.”

Cora, an orphan, was adopted by the Blood Moon pack. As an adult, she married Alpha Dave. The marriage ended when Dave had an affair with an Omega. Dave rejected Cora and banished her. She couldn't have an heir. Cora sought refuge in the Arun Forest. There, she met Ethan, the Alpha of the Crescent Pack, who had just lost his mate. Cora and Ethan trust each other and realize they are second-chance mates. When Alpha Dave learns of Cora's new relationship, he is jealous and tries to destroy Alpha Ethan's pack. Meanwhile, Ethan confronts him with a fact from Alpha Dave's past.

Club Gold Trilogy - Heels & Handcuffs. Story 1: Heels & Handcuffs (MF) Story 2: Whips & Ropes (MF) Story 3: Tamed & Unchained (MFM) Handsome and charismatic billionaire adult club owner and Mafia leader, Keith Greyson unexpectedly crosses paths with a beautiful thief named Amanda which changes both their lives in a such a way they NEVER saw coming! What will happen when Amanda finds out that Keith is so much more than he says he is and that he has connections with her long lost mother? And what will Keith do when his feelings for his "little thief" start to change?

Readers said. 'Very funny, I needed cold showers! I dropped my tablet in the bath! Totally original. Outrageous. The goddesses thread is totally original.' Goddesses - is this what 50 Shades should have been about? Connie Grimshaw, is now a successful businesswoman in an international consultancy. She reached these dizzy heights by believing her mother - work hard and reject emotional needs. On a business trip, the dam bursts and her libido refuses to be silenced. Her PA (Dee) helps her reconcile her lascivious feelings by using a series of parables from ancient goddesses. This works until the goddesses land her in hilarious, embarrassing and sometimes, dangerous situations as she develops the vamp in herself. But there are forces at work, which try to mismanage her feelings. Can she defeat the bad boys? Firstly, she has to deal with Greg, the evil misogynist.