Funny Adult Jokes

“T-tidak ... Berhenti! Tolong aku mohon ... Aku mohon ... Tolong ... Aku minta t-untuk berhenti ... Tida'! Tidak! T-seseorang, tolong t-tolong m -. B-bantu aku." Aku lemah berteriak saat ia memukulku dengan kasar. Tanganku berusaha mendorong lelaki itu, ia terus memaksa, tetapi aku tahu ia sangat kuat, ia mampu menjatuhkanku ke tanah tanpa mengerahkan terlalu banyak usaha. Aku tak bisa bergerak, hanya bisa menangis minta ampun. Rambut hitam panjangku tersebar di tanah sementara gaun yang aku kenakan entah sudah berapa kali ia robekan. “Kulitmu sangat putih transparan, bersinar seperti mutiara di kegelapan.” Biji matanya seakan keluar, raut wajahnya menjadi gila penuh nafsu dan tanda tanya. Aku merasakan luka kecil di bibir atasku saat ia menggigit dengan paksa. Kini, aku wanita dengan paras lembut yang basah oleh air mata, tubuhku memar dan bekas luka. Aku tak tahu lagi harus menyebut lelaki itu sebagai siapa. Dia mulai mendorong dirinya di dalam diriku, mendengus ketika dia menemukan pembebasannya.

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

All 20 year old Holly ever wanted to do was escape the boring Colorado mountain town where she was born. However, when she arrived at college, she found herself having too many wild nights. Worse yet, she had one too many mornings of waking up in an unfamiliar bed, and she couldn't keep her scholarship. Now that's she's back in Conifer, she has no idea what she is going to do with her life and no hope for the future. Andrew's father died a couple years ago in an electrical accident, and while Andrew wants nothing more than to leave town, his mother's mental instability makes it impossible for him to go. He feels trapped in a no-win situation and his options are slipping away. When a mutual friend has a crisis, Holly comes up with a plan, a plan that will change all their lives for the better. She knows that, despite previously being burned, all it takes to start a fire is a spark. However, she realizes that once again, she may have stood too close to the flame, and the torch she carries for Andrew burns brighter than ever. Will Holly manage to rekindle old loves, or will the destructive fire in their hearts consume everything they hold dear?

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

Quinlan Torres has responsibilities - one more year of college, a brother who needs a lot of extra supervision, and a best friend in the middle of a hostile takeover of her late father's company. The best thing for her to do would be to keep her head down, her eye on the ball, and her mind clear of any distractions. Problem is, her best friend's boyfriend has this brother...

Being rejected by one organisation to another was Melanie Watson, she graduated from the state university three years ago but couldn't secure a job because of her poor diploma. She didn't stop job hunting because of the loan she's going to refund in few weeks time. She borrowed some money from a fiercely casino to sponsor her education and she's to refund the money in three folds. A few weeks to the allotted time, Melanie was offered a babysitting job. She hasn't meet with the baby she's going to babysit before she requested for a year's advance payment. How will she cope when she gets to the mansion and realise that the boy she's going to babysit is not just a boy, but Archie Gordon, a thirteen years old boy who resents his father with passion? Melanie found herself stuck between the father and son discomfort that she was going to face for the next year. How will she cope when she found herself falling in love with Alfred Gordon and she's to choose between the broken son who wants her attention and the father who wants nothing but her love?

Isa lang akong simpleng babae, papasok sa opisina, magtatrabaho at uuwi. Wala na sa isip ko ang mainlove simula ng lokohin ako ng una kong . Kaya naman subsob sa trabaho lang ako, kumbaga eto na ang buhay ko. Nagsimula ng magbago ang buhay ko ng mapromote bilang Executive Secretary ni Mr. Montano. Makakaya ko kayang balewalain ang charm nito lalo pa at saksakan ito ng gwapo?

WARNING: Viewer discretion is advised. Contains graphic sex scenes, adult language and situation intended for mature readers only. R-18 "Touch me. Devour me. Savor in me and enjoy every minute of pleasure, Wade," - Rosenda Dela Vega Lahat tayo ay may kanya-kanyang swerte sa buhay, nasa atin na lamang kung paano natin hahanapin ito. Lumaki si Rosenda sa bahay ampunan ngunit dumating ang swerte sa kanyang buhay nang ampunin siya ng isang mayamang negosyante at haciendero na si Joaquin Dela Vega. Rosenda has it all. Fame. Money. Beauty. Power. Perfect heir to the Dela Vega Empire. Ngunit ito ay may isang kontrobersyal na sikreto. In-love siya kay Wade Dela Vega na nakababatang kapatid ng kanyang amain na si Joaquin but Wade is a womanizer, a strict Professor of the University that she's into and a cold hearted person kung kaya't sinubukan niyang akitin ito at makipaglaro ng apoy rito but over all he wanted his love more than anything else and not only lust. Magtagumpay kaya si Rosenda na baguhin ang isang katulad ni Wade?

Hindi type ni Bernard ang mga babaeng masyadong bata sa kanya. Dahil ang pakiramdam niya ay magiging baby sitter lang siya ng mga ito kapag inaatake ng tantrums. Ngunit may isang babaeng gumulo sa kanya, si Marie, secretary ng dati niyang nililigawan na naging asawa ng kaibigan niya. Naiinis siya dito dahil mapang asar ito, hanggang isang gabi, bigla na lang niyang narealize na pwede pala niya itong magustuhan. At kabaliktaran ng pagkakakilala niya sa babaeng mas bata ang ugali nito, matured at maunawain ang dalaga. Kahit siya ang may kasalanan ay nagsosorry ito. Bigpang dumating ang kangyang first love, si Eleanor o mas kulala sa tawag na Ellue, akala niya, masisira ang telasyon nila dahil dito, ngunit si Marie ay siya lang ang pinapaniwalaan. Kaya naging maayos pa rin ang takbo ng relasyon nila, until makilala niya si Domeng, kahit noon lang niya nakilala ang kaibigan nito, sinakmal siya ng matinding selos, lalo pa at may mga ipinakitang pruweba sa kanya si Ellie na niloloko siya ni Marie. Lalo siyang nagalit sa babae. Ng matauhan siya sa mga nangyari, at nalaman niya ang totoo, parang huli na ang lahat. Kulang na lang isumpa siya ni Marie sa sobrang galit. Ayaw na siyang balikan ng babae. May pag asa pa kaya na mahalin siya ulit ng dalaga? Paano niya mapapatunayan ang pagmamahal dito kung pati mga kaibigan niya ayaw ng makialam sa kanila?

Upang huwag matuloy ang arrange marriage ni Franki Avella sa lalaking hindi pa niya nakikita at nakikila, nag pasyang maglayas ang dalaga. Nag disguised siya bilang pangit na babae sa katauhan ni Fancy upang walang may makakilala sa kanya. Namasukan siyang kasambahay nang binatang si Argel Montero. Meet Argel Montero - Tall, dark and handsome na secretly inlove sa kababata nito na si Steffie Carion. Na may iba naman na minamahal. Katulad ni Franki Avella ay biktima din ang binata nang arrange marriage ng mga magulang nito. Asot-pusa kung silang dalawa ay mag kasama na nauwi din sa pag mamahalan, na humantong din sa pag-iiwanan. Ngunit sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana. Dahil ang lalaking ayaw ni Franki pakasalan ay walang iba kundi, si Argel Montero ang lalaking minsan na niyang nakasama at minahal. Minahal magpahanggang ngayon...