Funny Dirty Quotes

Devin King was my first—well, everything. They say you never forget your first. Whoever said that was right because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get him out of my head or my heart. I foolishly thought my heart wouldn’t miss what it couldn’t see, but I was wrong because I never forgot, not for one moment. You’re not supposed to kiss your best friend. You’re not supposed to give your virginities to one another, either—but we did. We were kids, teenagers, full of hormones and mixed emotions, but it felt right. He was the first boy to kiss me, the first boy to touch me and taste me in a way only a lover would. “Say you want to be mine….” He whispered while I shook in his arms. And I did. And then he wrecked me. After I trusted him and gave myself to him, he disappeared, left me in my , the scent of him still lingering on my skin, the taste of his kiss still fresh on my lips. He left me after the amazing night we shared after we became one another’s and disappeared without a word. Until one day ten years later he pops up like a rash as the newly appointed CEO of our firm. Was I shocked to see him standing in the office after a decade? Yes. Did I almost faint? Hell yes. My heart may have melted a little when he smiled right at me, but he wouldn’t ever know that—because I hated him. But here I am, the VP of an established publication firm standing in the CEO’s office handcuffed to the pompous face. Why are we handcuffed you ask? Well, that's a funny story...

"Your husband is so wild in bed!" On the eve of my childbirth, I received a provocative video from my husband's mistress, flaunting their affair.In the video, my supposedly loyal husband, Max Jennings, and his mistress were entangled in a hotel bed, exchanging dirty talk and engaging in various sexual positions.The shock of it all triggered premature labor, resulting in a stillbirth that left me utterly devastated.Max, consumed by guilt, fell to his knees before me, tears streaming down his face. Desperately, he begged for my forgiveness. Little did he know, I had already uncovered all his schemes - the secret transfer of his assets, the signing of substantial life insurance policies, and the true cause of our baby's tragic demise.I clung to him, sobbing uncontrollably, like a typical housewife shattered by her husband's betrayal.But in the depths of my heart, a grim thought emerged: "Max, since you won't agree to a divorce, it seems that becoming a widow is my only way out."During this tumultuous period in my life, I met Luke Walker.The people in our town describe Luke as an angel who has fallen to Earth—an honorable and composed beacon of light. Yet, somehow, he took an interest in me—a woman scorned and deemed hopeless after a failed second marriage.No one understands the truth. It was Luke who relentlessly pursued me, drawing me deeper into a complex relationship!

"Ang tanga-tanga mo naman, Hailey! Bakit ka nagpabuntis? Sa ating dalawa ikaw pa nga itong mahinhin. Di makabasag pinggan. Ikaw ‘yong dalagang Filipina, yeah!" hindi napigilan ang galit na sita niya sa kakambal. Problema. Iyon kaagad ang sumagi sa isip ni Callie nang malamang buntis ang ni kakambal niyang si Hailey. Bukod sa hindi nito masabi kung sino ang tatay ay mahina ang puso nito, kaligtasan kaagad nito ang naisip niya. Gustuhin man niya itong sabunutan dahil sa taglay na kagagahan ay hindi na lang niya ginawa. Sa mapaglarong tadhana, sa kakahanap niya sa Tatay ng anak nito ay natuklasan niyang ang multi millionaire na si Carter Hyun ang nakadisgrasiya dito. Natagpuan na lang niya ang sarili na siya na ang Mommy ng baby nito. Magkakasama sila sa iisang bubong, mapigilan niya kaya kung may pag-ibig na umusbong?

There’s nothing sexier than a hot jock any day of the week even if you don’t care for sports. Think sizzling dirty sweat and hard muscle that melts ice instantly. These jocks are ready to meet their match and score for life. Come along for the ride. Find a nice cool spot and bring plenty of iced water. Football, baseball, rugby, and tennis. There’s no end to dirty sex between clean sheets. Completion is created by Holly S. Roberts/D’Elen McClain, an EGlobal Creative Publishing signed author.

Oladele Anjola is an 100lvl student of Computer Science who just got admitted into Federal University of Technology, otherwise known as FUTA. She's extremely reserved and a big introvert. Although beautiful and intelligent, she has zero social skills. Adeleke Kolawole is your typical one of the most popular guys at FUTA. Cute, tall, handsome and brilliant and has more than half of the female population running after him. But Kola is the second definition of being snubbish and icy. He barely has friends and keeps to himself. Jola is totally smitten by Kola on their meeting and for the first time in Kola's life, he has a girl in his head. No matter how hard he tries to get her out of his head, she wouldn't budge, its not like he wanted her out of his head though. And so, an interesting love story starts. What will happen when Jola discovers that her very first friend in FUTA, Fisayo also has a huge crush on Kola. Will she give him up for friendship or give up her friendship for Kola. Its truly an hard decision, but sometimes before anyone else, we should come first.

Christopher Hudson, eldest son and CEO of The Hudson Group, has his eye on four hundred and seventy acres of land in Bethel, Vermont. He wants to purchase the land and build a luxury resort. It is his vision that the resort will be the corner stone of The Hudson Group for years to come. The problem is the land will cost him more than he wants to pay. Selena Fitz and her friends are The Fantasy Fiction Writing Club. After a typical day at work, she relaxes with her club buddies with a glass of wine and her laptop at the ready. That’s when she discovers that she switched the club’s flash drive with the flash drive she gave her boss. The stories on the flash drive detailed all the dirty things the club members wanted to do to Christopher Hudson and his brothers. Desperate to get the drive back, the club members break into the Hudson Mansion. Instead of retrieving the flash drive, Selena is presented with an opportunity of a lifetime all because she owns a piece of land that her family has handed down from generation to generation.

"Make sure you wipe the counter," I remind him while wearing my panties. "With my tongue?" "Sure, if you wipe again with disinfectant after that." "Awww my little girl all grown up, using the word disinfectant and all. Bet you're getting deflowered any day now!" I smack his head while he laughs, thinking it's funny to keep on teasing me since last week. "I hope his willy isn't as big as mine," okay what now, "so he won't hurt your flower." I wanted to be mad at him, I do, but I laugh instead, stupid Toffer and his little boy talk. *** 30 year old Nina is confused with her hopeless love life. While her best friend pleasures women in the next room, she remains in her space keeping her virginity in-tact, wondering if she’s meant to be with her first love or she needs to move on to find her true soulmate. It takes my first love to end my dating strike. But will it take my first love to end my virginity?

Inalok ng kasal ni Glazer si Maureen hindi bilang asawa kundi bilang slave ninto upang maging kabayaran sa tulong na ibibigay niya sa ama ninto,ngunit ang kasal ay paraan lamang ni Glazer upang makaganti sa ama ni Maureen,nais niyang si Maureen ang magbayad ng lahat ng kasalanan ng ama ninto sa kanya,kaya't gagawin niyang lahat upang maiparamdam kay Maureen ang ganti ng pagkapoot niya,pahihirapan niya ito, hangga't maramdaman ninto ang sakit at pagdurusa na naranasan din niya ng dahil sa ama ninto. Ngunit lumipas ang panahon na nasasaktan na rin siya sa ginagawa niya kay Maureen at may parte sa puso niya na sumisigaw na mahal na rin niya ito at handa na siyang iparamdam dito ang kanyang pagmamahal ngunit sa paanong paraan dahil sa panahong iyon ay puno na ng pagkapoot ang puso ni Maureen para sa kanya at handa na siya nintong talikuran.

Aaron Morris had it all. Good looks, a beautiful girlfriend, good grades in college. He only had one problem. He was being stalked by a red-haired nightmare otherwise known as Bella Davis! She was the bane of his existence, a thorn on his side who won't leave him alone no matter what. Will he ever get rid of her or will she continue to annoy him with her unrequited love?*This is the spin-off of The Ugly One but can be read as a stand alone novel. However, I recommended you read that one first :)*

"If you want a divorce, sabihin mo lang, and I will give it to you." "Tapos ano? Mawawalan ako ng karapatan sa bahay natin na milyun-milyon ang kontribusyon ko? 'Di na lang, uy! Magtiis tayo sa isa't-isa, sa hirap at ginhawa, araw at gabi, magpakailan-kailanman. Amen!" Hope Ryker Lee, the ultimate prankster, is set to marry Elisse Garcia, an heiress with a temper hotter than the sun and social skills colder than Antarctica. Hope wanted a partner as fun and lively as he is, but Elisse is introverted, snarky, and definitely not interested in playing along with Hope's high-energy antics. For Elisse, the marriage is purely a means to secure her inheritance. So, her master plan? Marry Hope, take over the company, and then kick him out of her life. Simple, right? Not quite. There's a catch: whoever calls it quits first loses their claim to their multi-million house. When Hope discovers her scheme, the real fun begins. Hilarious and heated war of pranks, sabotage, and emotional showdowns turn their home into an epic battlefield. Can they survive the chaos, or will they stumble into love amidst the madness? Get ready for a rollercoaster of laughs, schemes, and surprising twists in this comedic clash of opposites!