Funny Quotes Groucho Marx Novels & Stories

Jasmine said. "Hold on, hold on! I've got a joke that might lighten the caloric guilt. Why don't scientists trust atoms?" Jonathan said with a pause before adding, "Because they make up everything!" "Just when I thought I had heard your corniest joke," Florence said and rolled her eyes. The others burst into laughter, their mirth contagious, which made Clare smile. "Okay, I got another one," the young earl said. "Why did the scarecrow win an award?... Well, because he was outstanding in his field!"

Air quoting fuck buddies, he concealed his laugh beneath his sarcasm. “You become stubborn when you get old.” As if a virus had entered in me, I talked a language I didn’t understand, yet enjoyed every bit of it. “Still I'm going to marry you.” He sounded nothing but serious, and my body quivered by his sincerity, “I'm dripping honey off my mouth, oh! No wonder, I just gulped your cum down.” Licking his full lips with a hideous smile, he snickered. “At least I'm not old enough to lose my sense of taste.”

I smiled triumphantly and said, "I'm not the fig plucker. Nor the fig plucker's son. But I'll pluck figs, till the fig plucker comes." He sighed and murmured bitterly, "I'm not the fig plucker. Nor the fig plucker's son. But I'll---" "It has to be faster!" "Fine. I'm not the fig plucker. Nor the fig plucker's son. But I'll fuck pigs, till the---" "You nasty!" I interjected and everyone burst out laughing. Although it was not that funny, Clark's priceless expression was worth making a meme.

The quote for this picture said: Don’t take life too seriously. You’re not getting out of it alive. From the passenger seat, Isobel burst out laughing. “Oh my God, that’s hilarious.” Holding her side, she rolled to face me. “Who is it a quote from?” Her eyes glittered with joy and I had to admit, it felt nice, knowing she realized I’d made sure to find out the answer to that question already. “Elbert Hubbard,” I said. “Or at least, it’s similar to one of his quotes.”

She hissed, “we need to leave immediately!” “Alright, alright.” I patted her arm. “I’ll just get the eggplants.” I turned and beamed widely at the worried girl. “Have you seen a brinjal this big and shiny?! It’s like—.” “A cock soaked in cum,” someone said. What...? My face feel deadpanned as it swivelled up to voice. An elderly man in Einstein’s age and appearance was bellowing in laughter at his own dirty joke, his round belly shaking uncontrollably.

I pinned them both with a glare. “And what the hell is so funny now you two goons?” I snapped. “Well, for one, no one outside of first grade says icky,” Chase said with a snort, trying to cover his laughter. “Shut up. Lots of people say icky,” I argued. “Oh yeah, like who, squirt?” Alex was grinning at me now. “Well, I can’t think of anyone right this second, but…” I was cut off as all three of them started laughing their asses off at my expense.

I declared dramatically, lifting the mug in triumph, “is the greatest creation of any realm. It is warm. It is sweet. It is alive. I will marry whoever invented it.” Marek choked so hard he coughed. The head cook slapped a hand over her mouth to smother her laughter. I blinked. “What. Did I say something wrong.” “No,” Marek rasped. “You… you just cannot say things like that.” “Like what.” “That you will marry someone.” “I said I would marry the inventor of hot chocolate. That is clearly a joke.” “Still,” he muttered under his breath. “Do not say it.” “You are behaving very oddly,” I said, sipping more hot chocolate. “Perhaps you should drink some of this too. It might fix your personality.”

She mockingly winked at her older brother. "I mean, the real question is... when don't I look good? But between you and me, these trousers are a little too tight...although if I look on the bright side, I guess they enhance my package well." Marcus responded a little too seriously whilst fixing his tie. "Ew, Marcus, you're so gross!" She squealed as though she were genuinely repulsed by her brothers' crude words, but then couldn't help but burst into fits of laughter. Only Marcus, she thought to herself. Only Marcus had the sheer ability to make her forget every one of her woes by making her laugh so hard that she'd have cramps in her abdomen even hours after the joke was over.

] "One of the things I like about him... He's a corny joker." ["Like what?"] I clap my hands once. "About teleporting mosquitos. Anyhow, he can make me laugh." ["He could have learned from me~ To make a woman laugh is to make them fall for that man."] "Like what?" ["Hmm, what do you call a mosquito inside the mosquito net?"] "What?"

I snort. What a cliché quote some or other happy drunk motivational speaker concocted when he was at a loss for words. It must be the same asshole who suggested grabbing life by the horns, that winners never quit, and that everything happens for a reason. “Well, keep on dreaming, girl.” Cause that dream is not gonna happen. Luckily, that’s Axel’s shit. Not mine. I fake a smile, “Cheers!” and throw the alcohol down my throat before I bite into a piece of lemon. The sour taste causes goosebumps on my skin.