Funny Short Stories Novels & Stories

"No problem. I can go for a month without eating or changing or doing anything other than killing zombies and helping the team." He patted his chest. "I won't hold anyone back." Well, he planned to only hold Vesper back and not "anyone" anyway. Uea kept his rich thoughts hidden. Vesper was quiet. He continued staring at Uea for a while longer before he turned around to leave. "You'll stink." "And I'll stink you to death." Uea's reply came faster than he planned. Vesper stopped. Uea's heart stopped. His lips moved, revealing a very large grin. "Ah. I was only joking with Vesper. Was that funny? Hahaha. I know. Everyone says I'm funny."

It's pathetic! He dropped that bomb and strutted off before I could fire back. I could hardly believe my ears that such boneheaded words came from the man I have loved for years. His so-called 'cozy winter promos' were just a table with free cups of cheap black coffee and some giveaway gloves out front. The coffee often went cold, untouched, and those gloves ended up in the street bin. However, Seth, of course, thought they were pure gold. Somehow, I was the one cashing in on Lily's ideas!

"Okay, okay. Maia, make sure you scream nice and loud so I can enjoy the show too," Raul said. They said long-haul truckers were a crude bunch. I was seeing it firsthand now. I couldn't believe the things coming out of their mouths. My face was burning a deep crimson. For the rest of the day, I lay on the sleeper berth in the back while the two men chatted up front. Most of their conversation consisted of raunchy jokes and dirty talk. I tried to act uninterested, but they were so loud that every word reached my ears.

They started competing right there, throwing dumb jokes and teasing at me like I was the prize. Rowan told some filthy story about a girl from last summer that had me choking on my drink because of how detailed he got about her moaning his name while he fucked her from behind. Ryker topped it with one about sneaking into the locker room after practice and getting his dick sucked by two cheerleaders at once. “Swear to God,” Ryker said, eyes locked on mine. “One on her knees, the other licking my balls while I face-fucked the first.

The room was filled with an infectious energy, a blend of friendship, humor, and the thrill of discovering life’s unpredictable beauty. As the night wore on, our conversation grew more relaxed and playful. We swapped stories of our most embarrassing moments, each tale wilder than the last. I recounted the time I had accidentally walked into the wrong classroom and sat through an entire lecture before realizing my mistake. Favour shared a hilarious anecdote about a disastrously overcooked dinner in her first shared apartment, and Gift boasted about her uncanny ability to misplace her phone even when it was in her hand.

She laughed and thought to herself "my weakness is teachers". -Well, I already told you my whole life story. Of course, when she told her life story she didn't include Gabriel. -Well look my life is not that interesting it is very common I have a family that does not live here my family is European I came to visit this country and I stayed here my family is a very traditionalist family they come from time to time to see me and I also go there from time to time I have two more brothers they live with my parents and I am a professor at several universities, so as you see my life is not very interesting.

He cried at the thought and told me to relax and revel in the picnic. It didn’t take long to find his friends, the majority of whom were drinking friends that he hung out with after work. I'd met them a few times and found them to be an obnoxious, great deal. I didn't have much in common with their wives, so I’d been reduced to standing about and made to create polite conversation while the men laughed it up. The president of this company gave his obligatory motivational speech and advised everybody to have fun. It didn’t take long for my husband, along with his friends, to entrench themselves close to the open bar and find out who could drink the most in the shortest period of time.

My usual energy was completely drained. Lillian, mistaking my fatigue for sadness, tried to cheer me up in the elevator. "Want to hear a joke? A wolf was heartbroken after a breakup. While hunting for food, he passed a wooden cabin and heard a father scolding his crying son, 'If you don't stop crying, I'll throw you outside to feed the wolf!' The wolf waited all night, but nobody came out. At dawn, the dejected wolf muttered, 'Men are such liars!'" I stared at her flatly. "That's not funny at all."

It was loud. We talked more than we ever had. Jack told stories about the old days with my dad—getting stuck on a roof during a storm, stupid bets they made on football games, the time they tried to build a deck and almost burned the house down with a grill. I laughed so hard my sides hurt. He smiled more than usual, that slow half-grin that made the lines around his eyes deeper. At some point I kicked off my work shoes under the table. My bare foot accidentally brushed against his leg. I didn’t pull away right away. Neither did he.

I reply putting on a fake sad expression. "Well, if you think of any other funny stories, you'll have to share them with me," Iskander says smiling. "You're a really good storyteller." "Thanks," I say, feeling a warm glow of happiness. "It's nice to laugh and have fun. I haven't had that in a while." "That's why I'm here," Iskander says, giving me a big smile. "To make sure you have a good time." I smile back at him, feeling grateful for his friendship. "Thanks, Iskander. That means a lot to me."