Holiday Quotes Funny

'If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard' ~ Madame Chatterz Benley Macallister is on a downward spiral. Luck has never been on his side. Things go from bad to worse when the nineteen-year-old loses his job, his best friend, and the love of his life all in the same year. Feeling unfilled, Macallister turns to drink as a way to cope. Nonetheless, as luck would have it, another curveball is thrown his way, three years later, when a raven-haired girl accidentally enters his life, purposely refusing to leave it. MacAllister quickly finds his hands tied with the new addition. He's left with two options -- to either fight the oncoming blizzard of change or to embrace it fully.

Would you rather live apart… or die together? She survives a plane crash and wakes up in a hidden village with rules stranger than death itself. Here, men and women who are not married cannot be seen together. The punishment? Public beheading. But when she meets Yoké, the mysterious, magnetic villager who makes her heart race, one rule becomes impossible to obey. Every stolen glance is a risk. Every touch is a death sentence. And yet, she cannot stay away. ★Prequel to Till Death Do Us Part

"Work Hard, Play Hard" Archie is never without a beautiful woman or a glass of good scotch in his hand, which drives his ultra-wealthy, conservative parents to distraction. To force him to take life more seriously, his father threatens to name his cousin the CEO of the company Archie helped build from the ground up if he doesn't marry a girl of their choosing. To appease his parents, Archie proposes to Leticia and gives her the family heirloom ring. Archie's best friend Josh thinks he's making a big mistake and invites him for a week's holiday in Ibiza, telling him it's a stag party. With his boyfriend Charlie, Josh aims to convince Archie to face his true self and his long-buried truth. Archie initially clashes with the outgoing, gregarious Charlie, but soon finds himself drawn to him as Charlie returns the attraction, pushing Archie to explore this connection even at the risk of losing Josh's friendship. But Archie's return to the real world makes him realize that his love for Charlie could cost him the CEO position and the love of his parents. Forced to choose between a chance at true love and familial loyalty, Archie makes the ultimate decision, but either one will destroy lives and hearts.

Benjamin Spencer took up the responsibility of raising Yvonne Johnson when her parents died during a holiday on the cruise. He took care of her, nurtured her, and gave her the care she needed. As time passed, Yvonne developed romantic feelings for Benjamin which he later found out. Astonished and dismayed, he decided to send her away. Five years later, she came back with a kid. What would be waiting for them in the future?

Juliet is a confident curvy girl with a sharp tongue and a sassy fun loving attitude who runs a pizza shop with her sister. Jude is a frontman in a rock band with a hard edge but boyish good looks and a retro style. The two couldn't be more different, and from opposite worlds. A chance encounter brings them together for one explosive night neither will soon forget. Jude is forced to take a hard look at his life and question where he wants it to go while trying to decide on the future of his band. Follow along in this cute short story of how love comes in all forms. This is a simple and straight-forward easy to read feel good series about everyday people finding love in the most unsuspecting of places! We all have our issues, insecurities but can we open up and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to the right person? **This is a five part series that follows a hard rock band called Feisty and the five men who are its trail blazers, taking the world by storm while looking for love. Love finds them in some of the most unlikely places, but for one it’s been under his nose all along. A new book will come out about every six weeks until they are complete, enjoy!** This is a five part mini-series and the stories continue in order but can be read as individual stand-alone books. This part one, Judes story.

"You are nothing but a Sperm Donor." "But I am your Sperm Donor." After helping deliver dozens of babies into the world, midwife Anna Johnson is longing for her child. Since her luck has always proven itself unuseful in bed, she turns to sperm donation as one last futile attempt to have a child. The donor she chooses from the catalog seems to be the perfect match - cute, college-educated, creamy, topped with a pair of the most mesmerizing brown eyes she's ever seen. Little does Anna know that the man behind the file is entirely unaware of this whole ordeal, as a cause of a drunken dare. When Daniel Williams finds out about this, things are bound to go down. WATTPAD BEINGZANYAROSS

When I have a pen in my hand and paper before me, I think I want to write something to cast every despair in my pathetic life away. I have a figure of a depressed guy whose fate is too much: saving the world. He is not stupid nor even smart, he is not ugly nor even good looking. He is just a nijikon (A person who loves an anime character more than the real one) like me. He once thought to give up on life, but an event changes his life. I'm sure you guys start guessing how the story goes, but too bad, this one is different than the others.

Tara isn't your everyday beauty shit she wasn't a size 0 runway model, she was curvey thick and flawless nonetheless. It took her years to see that in herself after going through the ups and downs of being tossed through the foster system she had all but lost her faith in herself. This is why she chooses to become an advocate for foster kids like her. When she first launched her UFCP program she had only one private supporter. Now here she was at a huge charity banquet representing her program publicly and the program would now be recognized nationally. It was like a dream come true especially when she runs into the investor who happens to be an old friend from the foster system who was in the same house as her. Giovanni Berlusconi, he had glowed up since she last saw him all those years ago and he apparently felt the same about her. The only problem was he was a mafia king pin and Tara might have known much about the mob, but she sure as hell knew she wanted no parts of it. Especially after two of her colleagues end up dead in a mysterious car crash after questioning Gio's family connections to the recent spike in missing persons cases in the city. Tara had tried to blow him off politely but Gio wasn't having it. Stopping by her office unannounced. Tara was desperate to avoid the mob boss at all cost that is until she accidentally stumbles on to a private family meeting and witnesses him killing someone. Now she has only two choices marry the very man she fears or die.

Can Christmas magic help her hear the music again? Melody Murphy shared her love of music with her father, but after tragically loosing him on Christmas Eve two years ago, she no longer has any interest in music or Christmas. She returns to her hometown of Charles Town, West Virginia, to help her mother save the family antique business, content to stay focused on her work. However, when a chance encounter with an adorable five-year-old leads her to befriend an attractive single dad, Melody begins to realize she's been putting her life on hold, something her father would've never wished for her. Will she learn to hear the song in the falling snow again? Reid has recently moved to Charles Town to start over after his wife walked out, leaving him alone to raise their son, Michael. When Michael decides he needs Melody Murphy in his life, Reid needs to find out what it is that has his son drawn to the young woman like a magnet. The closer he gets to Melody, the more he begins to believe he might get a second chance at love after all. This is a sweet contemporary romance with Christian themes, perfect for holiday reading.

Ava Adams tolerated living with her stepfather and her douchebag of a stepbrother. She lived her life being maltreated by them until luck smiled on her and she got a job to work in the Kings'mansion as a babysitter. She was glad to leave the hell hole she called a home. She got the shock of her life when she found out it wasn't a little boy she would babysit, but a grown up man. A very sexy, mouthwatering one at that. Fate brought Alexander King, the young billionaire and the master of the mansion to her. He got into an accident few years before and was not his normal self. What are you doing? Read more to find out how their journey of love began and who made Alex that way. Will their love prevail? Will Alex take revenge on those who made him that way?