Novel & Cerita I Don't Want To Live

ESSENCE For a moment, I let go. Honestly, I did. It felt easier to just drift away than continue living this miserable, humiliating life where everyone I loved had turned into a stranger. But as the seconds passed, I realized something terrifying—I didn’t actually want to die. Not yet. Not like this. I was only thirty. I hadn’t even started truly living. I wanted to do something meaningful with my life. I wanted to be happy. Heck, I just wanted to wake up one day without feeling like a walking doormat.

Never again Has someone already told me that my life would end up being this hard? I bet no. Because I wasn't prepared. I... No one is prepared. B-but I never thought my life would be this difficult. I never thought that the day would come when I don't even want be alive...that I would rather wish be gone. I didn't think I would choose to be selfish on this. I just want to disappear from the world because of what is happening to me.

he asked as he turned to face me. "Well, I mean, I can, but-" "But you don't want to?" he asked. "No, not really. I just don't know what else to do. This is what all my life has been led to. I don't know how to live normally and it's hard for me to leave since I'm a don. Everyone wants me dead. If I leave, I'm vulnerable," I said and I could see his face fall in disappointment. "But with a price, I could leave and live in peace."

It was like my mind was on something else. "What?" I asked once again. He sighed. "Aren't you going to go to your house?" he asked a lot louder than before. I looked back at my house. "Oh, yeah." I mumbled. I was supposed to go home. But I didn't want to. I don't want to keep living like how I'm living, but that is my life. Wake up, go to school, go home, sleep. Oh and stream Taylor Swift. I don't want to keep living like that. I want to be free from everything that's keeping me from being free. I wanted to live my life. Go on countless of adventures, travel different cities, different states, and different countries.

“𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗰𝘂𝘁. 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲. 𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆, 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗼

'Though I promised him but will I be able to live with so many restrictions? 'I don't know. I don't even want to think.' ~~~💗~~~

But I don't want to stay either. Growing up, I never knew what I wanted. I only know what I don't want. I don't want to live in this city, I don't want to read that, I don't like this man, I don't want that marriage, and so many. If I had focused on what I wanted instead, perhaps, life would have been easy.

I just want to do my own thing and live my own life. Just do something appeasing to myself and my wolf. I'm no ones puppet that's certain and I don't want to make a decision I'll spend my whole life regretting.

he left the room with those words. This is not the life I had in mind for myself and now my hopes are wavering. There's so much I wanted to do. I need to get out of here as soon as I can. I need this child to have a better life. I won't let my baby suffer with Anthony.

Then he lowered himself flat again, his chest pressed to the floor and head tilted just slightly so that he could watch me as I talked. I forced a shaky breath out through my nose. “I don’t want much, you know,” I said softly, "All I ever wanted was to find peace and live a good life. No more cages, no more sick and twisted games, no more fear of monsters in the dark. I don’t want to have to fight every second just to fucking breathe.” My eyes stung, but I blinked the tears away, refusing to cry in front of him. “I don’t even care if people laugh at me,” I added, “I’d rather be invisible. I’d rather be nothing, as long as I’m free.”