I Don't Want To Live Novels & Stories

I don't want to be part of this elite world. I want to be free together with my baby. I don’t care anymore, and I will live peacefully.”

Gina’s voice is soft. “You know what I want to do right now?” I blink. “I want to pack everything up and leave this godforsaken town. I want to go somewhere far away. I want to go to all those places I’ve always wanted to go to. I just want to live life on my terms while I still can. Away from everyone who wants to use me and humiliate me and hurt me all the time.” The very thought of dying in this town where only one or two people will actually give a flying fuck makes me feel suffocated.

I’m the one who has been subjected to lies from day one! I don’t want to wake up. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to live. Suddenly, I no longer want anything from what I have dreamt of. I don’t want all the money I have, I don’t want to establish my own company, I don’t want to travel the world, and I… I don’t want to build a family with Nathan. I want nothing. I just want to be asleep forever. I never want to wake up and look into the eyes of the ones who have been lying to me all along.

"Okay, I believed you. But what should I do now???" [What do you mean what you should do?] "I don't want to be the reason for destruction. Should I just kill myself so that I could save more lives?? But I don't want to die at all. I want to live a long life. I want to be happy too. Do I really deserve to die???"

I shouted. "I want to leave this place! I want to live alone! I want to reach my dreams! I miss my Grandma, dad, and mom!" I shouted. "Why is my life like this?! I just want to live happily but why am I suffering?! Do I deserve to be hurt?! To suffer?! Do I deserve it all?!" I cried out loud and I couldn't stop crying.

“That's what I thought.” “I'm not done. Yes, I want babies. But I love you. You are my mate and I am yours. I want to spend my life with you, with or without children. I decided that I can live without having kids. Yeah, it will suck. I can't so that there won't be times when I'm a litle saddened by it, but I will try not to dwell on what I am missing. I will be more than happy with everything that I do have."

How life changes in just a blink of eyes! How you have everything and suddenly the next moment you have nothing! How you're punished just because you're a middle-class woman with enough self-esteem to decide your life! How a single NO changes it all! I don't have a grudge against God. I don't have a grudge against life. I wanna live. I wanna live for those countless people who lose the motivation to live. Help me, Camden. Please help me out. I'll survive it. I'll not give up. I just need another reason to live.

I hate that I can’t live a life where I’m on autopilot and no decision or feeling is difficult. I hate that I feel. I hate that I care. Had I never worried for anyone, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t know what it’s like to want something or someone so badly that it’s killing me more and more each day. Maybe I should kill myself. The thought rests easier in my head than anything else. And knowing that I don’t have to pull the trigger myself rests even easier. “You screw up again, and the next time you disobey, you’re done.”

"Really? You're you're sure?" "I'm sure. I'm exhausted. Burned out. Running on fumes and stubbornness. That's not sustainable. That's self-destruction with purpose. I want to live. Really live. Not just survive with responsibilities. Live. With you. With purpose beyond duty. Beyond role. Beyond everything except love and life and being happy. I want to be happy. Is that allowed? Am I allowed to want that?"

"Kill me, kill me! In my current state, can I still be alive? In my current state, I am already dead! Living like this is better than dying! Someone, come and kill me! Living like this, I really don't want it, I really want to die. Please, someone, come and kill me, kill me!" "I was wrong, I was really wrong! Please kill me! I shouldn't have provoked you, I really shouldn't have... If I can do it all over again, I would rather not have offended you. So, please grant me death! I don't want anything but death, that's all!"