I Hate Myself So Much Novels & Stories

But then I saw a light, and I lived in it. Maybe one would ask why I still don't hate myself despite all my despair. I have many reasons to hate myself. I am not perfect and will never be perfect. I am boring, my life was a mess, and my childhood was a lie. I didn't live a beautiful or even normal life. But c'mon, you can give me 1000 reasons to hate, but I have one good reason to love. This is me. This is who I was meant to be. If I give up, will there be success in my district now? I stated my flaws, but I still don't hate myself. After all, I stand with God in saying that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

What the fuck is wrong with me? God, I hate myself. And I hate Evie. I hate her for living her life without me. And I hate that I haven’t been able to live without her. Because, really, all I have done for the last decade is exist inside the haze of my memories of her.

~STORM Kieran came into the room minutes after I got in. "He left already. Honey don't be sad. You know I'm here for you." He said to me and I couldn't help but cry more "I hate myself a lot. I hate my entire life. What do I do to get out of this? Everyone who should love me keeps hurting me. All I hate is myself and you and what if you stop loving me someday." I said to him and he froze.

There’s nothing I can do when I myself is a willing victim to be fucking used. “I can’t do anything about it. They won’t believe us,” I told them, before getting all my stuff to finally get dressed. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I feel so fucking dirty, but my mind kept on reminding me that this was my own doing. I made myself do this for power. I hate who I become. And I’m sure as fuck that I will hate who I am going to be.

That would really be nice. Okay I need to stop. I think I'm hating on myself a bit too much. I really shouldn't. Maybe I should? It's not healthy but I can't help hating on myself. I honestly can't. It all just comes so organically. Time to shut up now. ….

It’s too much. My breathing grows ragged, the words pressing down on me from all sides. And suddenly, I hate being me. I hate my skin. My hair. My lips. I want to tear them off. I want to scrub the name Susanna off the surface of the earth. I abhor it. My existence. Filthy. Dirty. Used. Degraded. Ruined.

I hate that I feel this much for a man who feels absolutely nothing. I wipe my face, even though more tears keep coming. God, I’m tired of crying over him. I lean my head back against the edge of the tub, stare up at the ceiling, and try to breathe. My lip trembles again, and I bite down on it hard. I have had enough. Enough crying. Enough falling apart. Enough thinking about what he should have done, could have done, would never do. “Idiot,” I whisper to myself. I hate myself for it.

I am such an awful person, I know she never will be able to forgive me. I loathe myself so much that I feel nothing will be okay, at least not anytime soon because I had taken a big part of Ikhlas. I still didn't understand much of what had happened between us, maybe I Never would and only the thought of that brought me so much pain.

I know I can’t hate you and I know that if I don’t hate you I will hate myself. You made me have nightmares, you traumatized me, you put me in a dark position that I can not even begin to describe and you know what hurts more is when I think about that horrible memory, all the good memories I shared with you fade away like it was nothing and just like that I begin to feel hatred for myself because no matter how I try I can not hate you even though you are the reason behind my ten years of miseries.

Hated myself for it. Fuck.