I Hate Myself So Much Novelas e Histórias

I smiled bitterly, what's not to believe about that, it's the truth anyway. He hated me, my parents hated me. I hate myself, everyone hates me. What else could I expect? No one ever wants to accept me in their lives. It's my destiny to be hated by everyone, that's not new to me. It's always like this, same old shit.

“I don’t want to hear that from you!” I know that I am just lashing out at him again. Every time I see him, all I want to do is to abuse him with words. Ah! I hate myself. I’ve asked what is there to love in Theo, but honestly, I should ask myself that. There is nothing to love in me. Nothing good. I am weak, I am selfish, and as he said, I am out of my element here. I am breaking and I don’t know how to stop this crushing pain.

I don’t understand him. Not really. I never know what he’s thinking. Never know what he’s feeling until it explodes like tonight. And maybe— Maybe this is what it feels like for him all the time. Trying to guess what’s going on in my head. “Oh, fuck you, Rhea,” I mutter bitterly. My voice cracks. “You just had to ruin everything, didn’t you?” It’s been a long time since I’ve hated myself for anything other than the things that already keep me awake at night. I thought I’d reached the limit of how much I could despise myself.

I hate everybody who contributed to my terrible fate. And above all…. I hate myself. Maybe I'd get the happiness I deserve in my next life. Letting myself fall deeper into the cold embrace of the water, my eyes slammed shut.

I hate myself for getting involved with him. I hate myself to spending so much time with him. Time that I could've been using to find Jack. More tears pool into my eyes as I look down at the water below me, feeling tears stain my cheeks as my emotions get the best of me. Why can't I do anything right? Why can't I ever do anything fucking right?! What's the point of even being here anymore?! I should just fucking kill myself.

“Baby—” “You want me to hate you, but I don’t,” I cut in. “I can’t. Instead, I hate myself. I hate myself because I am completely okay with this.” My throat tightened. “I hate myself because I don’t care that my father’s in prison, and that I don’t ever want him to get out.”

Why didn't she tell me what she was going through? I hate myself so much right now.

I wished I was like the other normal people, who finds their love and gives herself to their love without any fear of hesitation like me. I was restless, peace wasn’t a part of me anymore. And the unsettling feeling of something bad going to happen didn’t let me think wisely. I was frustrated, angry and hating myself more than anything in this world. I hate myself for being such a helpless asshole who can’t even promise his love, who can’t even take a step ahead and accept his love boldly in front of the woman he loves. I feel so terrible, fucking so terrible. I wanted to tell her everything from the horrible childhood to till the present time where I've made up my mind to attend therapy to

“You think you're the only one I disgust? I disgust me too!” I beat at my chest like a caveman. “I loathe myself, Tonia! I fucking hate me too for leaving you there that night! I'm a fucking monster, Tonia. This is what I am! Nothing can fix me!” “I can't even look at you anymore.” She looks at me like she doesn't recognize me and walks out. The can in my hand compresses until the liquid inside fizzes out, I chuck the thing in a dumpster as I stalk out of the park.

I mean, I could see the reasons why my parents and sister hated me so much, the answers were right in front of me. Only a little part of my mind kept whispering to me that I was lovable. It kept telling me that everything Noah said about me was true. It was so small that I was afraid it would crumble and turn into dust under the weight of the negative part of me. I would never be enough. I would never be loved. I was like a magnet that attracted hatred and bad things. I was a disgrace, even to myself. My chest felt heavy as I looked at myself in the mirror. My breathing became laboured and constructed. My eyes became blurry and tears of pain and sorrow gathered in my eyes.