If You So Desire My Despair Novels & Stories

Married for three years and still a virgin, Anastasia’s life shattered the night her husband drugged her and she ended up losing her virginity to a mysterious man. Disowned, betrayed and divorced, Anastasia lost everything and was thrown on the street. What was worse? She was framed for a crime she didn’t commit.   Seven years later, she returned with a new identity, a slightly different face and a plan to ruin those who had made her life miserable in the past.  One by one, those who betrayed her will pay. Especially the man who was once her husband. Her weapon? A powerful billionaire with ice in his veins and secrets of his own. 

BLURB: Who knew love could cost you your life? Rosa was betrayed by her very first lover, only to discover their relationship was nothing but a lie. She was humiliated, thrown into the streets, and stripped of everything she believed in, but she refused to stay down. With revenge as her fuel, she rose to the top. Her only goal was to make Gary pay for what he did to her. But everything changes when she meets Andres. He becomes her weakness. Using him is easy. Resisting him is not. Falling in love means choosing between the man who destroyed her… and the man who could save her. Her past demands revenge. Her heart wants more. What choice will she make?

"Are you married?" Douglass and Mitch, together for 4 years, living together for 1 year. Still passionately in love. On a day that seemed no different from yesterday, one they expected to be just the same. Mitch hears news that Douglass is getting married to someone else. A lover's marriage that everyone knew about except him. Though he tries to end things with Douglass out of sadness and betrayal. Douglass has no intention of letting Mitch go easily. But then, something unexpected happens. After desperately clinging and insisting they would never break up. Douglass completely erases Mitch from his memory overnight due to an accident. "If you're going to marry someone else, let's break up." "We haven't broken up yet. Because I never allowed it." Douglass, who once said this. Now says, "I was dating something like you?" "Just be angry with me instead. Don't talk like that." "You need to understand your position first. Why would I be angry at a mere omega like you?" He was facing Mitch with a cold expression never seen before.

"Ms. Hall, these are the details of the feigned death service you booked with us. The date of death is set for the wedding, half a month from now. The cause of death will be suicide by drowning, and the deceased is yourself. Please confirm and sign here." Wendy Hall nodded. Without hesitation, she signed her name at the bottom of the document. The bustling street was alive with chatter and movement. As Wendy walked home alone, she glanced up, and there it was—the giant screen on a nearby building, looping a video of Grayson Bryce proposing to her.

“I know him Shera, I saw him in my dreams!” After all the years she had been dreaming of that man, she finally saw that he was a real person—not just her subconscious imaginative phases. “The man in my dreams is real”. Andrea waited for four long years to prove that her future man was real but he was different from what she was thinking. The way she saw it made her feel that they have different worlds, to begin with. Andrea is a simple college girl, living in the countryside, claiming her man to be someone in her dreams. Is it possible for your dreams to come true? A question that no one can answer. Can you love a person in your dreams? An unusual question for Andrea but only she knows the answer. Looking at the man on the other side of the road made her feel something unusual—something special. Constantine Dimiscus was the man on the other side of the road, heir of Dimiscus family, a very serious person who doesn’t believe in love, faith, and destiny. Can life make him believe that destiny is real?

Clara Davis is a trained seductress and elite nightclub performer, sent on a dangerous mission to infiltrate the life of billionaire Jeffery Rothwell and seize control of his empire. Outwardly charming, innocent, and irresistible, she hides a ruthless mind and deadly skills, willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish her goal because her freedom to live a normal life depends on that mission. Every interaction, every seduction, and every performance brings her closer to her objective, but also risks exposing her in ways she cannot predict. As Clara embeds herself deeper into Jeffery’s world, she unexpectedly falls in love with him, violating her organization’s rules and putting herself at risk. Jeffery, observant and dominant, soon uncovers her true motives. His response is brutal. He assaults her, removes her inner organs, and forces facial and body reconstruction, declaring her dead. Reborn under a new identity, Clara must adjust to a reality dominated by fear, power, and obsession, walking beside a man whose control is absolute. As psychological games of dominance, desire, and manipulation intensify, Clara uncovers fragments of the Rothwell family’s past, including the shocking truth that the real Jeffery died years ago and the man she serves is a master assassin secretly controlling the empire. Every choice she makes carries risk, and every step is fraught with danger. Forbidden love turns to searing hatred as Clara confronts the assassin Jeffery and the resurfacing real Rothwell, forcing her to reconcile her past, her reborn identity, and the deadly truths surrounding her. Clara must embrace her new self, wield her intelligence and strength, and survive in a world where power is absolute, desire is weaponized, and love is no longer a refuge. Nothing is as it seems, and every choice comes at a dangerous cost.

Closing the door shut, I exhaled lowly and turned around to make a dash into the room when my eyes met with a pair of raging fireballs glaring into my soul. How come he is here? I made sure to lock the door. “And you think that a wooden door is strong enough to prevent me from meeting my mate?” He answered my unsaid question, his tone strident and laced with pure rage making me cower back. But still, I mustered up courage and shot him a defiant look. “And I made it clear to you that I don’t accept you as my mate,” I spoke confidently while looking straight into his eyes. My breath hitched when I noticed his eyes darkening. He was clearly pissed by my protest but I stood my ground. Taking a deep breath I continued, “Listen, I can’t be with you nor with anyone. What happened that night was just a mistake and I never accepted you so stop harassing me and just leave-“ Before I could complete it, my neck was grabbed in a vice grip as I was pinned against the door. I quickly shielded my belly with my arms dreading he would hurt my children. But irrespective of my fear-stricken face, he leaned dangerously closer to my face and flashed me a diabolical smirk that dripped with menace. “I think I made it clear to you last night Ms. Evans. I had never asked for your consent in the first place so you… don't really have a choice. ‘Cause once you enter Xavier’s maze, there is no going back, Grace.”

Madison is a woman on the verge of destruction. She's nearing her 22nd birthday and still hasn't been sealed. If she doesn't find a partner to be her first physical meal, she risks going full demon and harming innocent people. She hoped to wait for one of her two mates to appear, but time is growing short. With guidance from an old notebook her sister kept, Madison heads to a dive bar and finds a perfect first meal, a man like no other. A king to her queen. Duncan "Ford" Stanford, the werewolf king ***************************************************************************************** Ford kissed my neck down to the curve where it met my shoulder, then started licking and nibbling. I moaned and moved my head to give him better access. It felt so good. His right arm gripped me tightly against him as the nibbling became firmer little bites. Every nerve in my body thrilled at the little shocks of pain that were then soothed away by his tongue. Suddenly, I realized what was happening. He was thinking of marking me. Even though I didn't really want to make him stop, I had to. At the next hard nibble, I squeaked. “That hurt! Don't bite so hard, Ford!” I scolded. “Sorry, baby. I got carried away. You just taste so good.” He said, moving away. The loss of his body on mine was difficult, but I couldn't let myself be marked by a werewolf. ******************************************************************************************* First of three books: The Demon Queen's Desire, The Demon Queen's Duty, The Demon Queen's Destiny

~ Zara Natusha Putri According to my Mom, the new neighbor was still single, handsome, hot, rich, and kind. But I don't think so. Why? Because there is nothing special about him and he is very annoying. Coupled with his perverted brain that makes me want to chop his body into small pieces. Oh come on, I can't stand all this. ~Bryan Samuel Clivton Even that girl doesn't know who I really am. We'll see, once you know and remember everything, you will feel at home, Zara.

He stood in front of me, held my face between his hands and stared down at me. I waited, once again, I did. For what? This time I didn't know. But the moment he spoke, I knew, the wait was over. "You waited." He said. I gasped. " You waited." He breathed.