Jokes Are Half Meant Novels & Stories

The Rossi mafia family followed an ancestral rule. Before marriage, the heir received one chance each year to draw lots. Drawing a fortunate lot meant he could choose his own spouse and avoid an arranged marriage. Dante Rossi drew an unfortunate lot for five consecutive years, and I, who had been dating him for seven years, never managed to marry him. This year marked the sixth year. I overheard his conversation with Marco Valentino, the Underboss. "Mr. Rossi, you drew a fortunate lot again." Dante's voice carried an unprecedented coldness. "Same as always, switch it to an unfortunate lot." Marco hesitated, then tried to persuade him. "Mr. Rossi, you've switched it for five years straight. Aren't you worried Celia will leave? Celia's the most beautiful woman in Nopales. Half the men in the city are chasing her." Dante said with absolute certainty, "She won't. Celia loves me too much. She won't marry anyone else. "Years ago, Livia's father died saving me. His dying wish was for me to stay by her side for five years. After this year ends, I'll give Celia a grand wedding as compensation." My last shred of hope died after I heard those words. Dante probably did not know that the Rossi family had one final ancestral rule. If the heir failed to draw a fortunate lot six times, he would lose the right to choose his own marriage. Moreover, I would soon be marrying someone else.

"You gonna spank me, uncle?" That was it. Surging forward I grabbed her and pulled her close to me. I could easily feel her heart beating steadily against my chest. Clearly she was taking all of this as a joke and I would need to prove to her I meant what I said. "You know," I husked leaning close to her ear. "Spanking you doesn't sound half bad." Letting an amused laugh escape me, I did just that. I smacked her amazing ass and squeezed enjoying the feel of it in my hand. Damn, she was going to make controlling myself hard. Arissa Armondi was born to be the alpha heir of her pack. However, once she discovers she doesn't have a wolf, she becomes nothing more than an omega and her life of promise comes crashing down right before her eyes. Thrown into a life of kill or be killed, she becomes nothing more than a killing machine with a strong desire for blood and a wall of steel against the outside world. Ivan Fredrickson is the war hero alpha with a strong sense of right and wrong. He lives his life by the rules and has no time for love or mates. Therefore, he decides to find an omega to help bear him an heir to one day lead his pack. This desire causes Ivan and Arissa's paths to cross and so begins their love/hate relationship. What will happen when Ivan begins to realize that he and Arissa are mates? Will they be able to move past their demons and grow closer? Read Sold To The Untouchable Alpha to find out!

My woozy brain managed to register my body being laid on a soft bed... I held on tightly to his neck, grinning stupidly, "you're so handsome. I like to kiss handsome men." A soft chuckle, "darling, you..." I raised my head to jam my lips with his, cutting him off. ************************************************** The accident that was meant to end her, put Roxanne in coma for a year. When she woke up, her memory was a blank. Then she finds herself in a contract marriage with Josh Caldwell, her CEO husband, who's betrothed to marry the true heiress of the powerful Gilmore Empire. Five years later, her husband's woman is back. Vanessa Gilmore — the beautiful, manipulative heiress of Gilmore Empire. Roxanne is tossed aside. The boy she'd taken care of since he was a baby was snatched from her. She has lost...and she knows it. Then comes Kylian Caldwell, the half brother of her ex-husband, a well known playboy and black sheep of the Caldwell, to the rescue. With him by her side, she's about to discover that the past isn't dead...and that her memory holds the key to unlocking secrets, including her stolen identity and the child she didn't know she'd given birth to. But when the truth finally comes spilling and two brothers fight for her heart, will she be able to stand against the enemies who will stop at nothing to keep what is rightfully hers, even if it means driving a wedge between her and the man who's ready to rain down hell just to protect her?

The Vale family was the most powerful mafia syndicate in the New York City. And I—along with a few other carefully chosen girls—had been handpicked to join their ranks, trained from the ground up so that the next head of the family could choose his wife from among us. Wife. That was the kinder word for it. The truth was whoever got picked would become his shield, his weapon, his most loyal protector. Someone who would kill for him. Die for him. Years passed. One by one, the others fell away. In the end, only Elara Quinn and I remained. And then, Elara died—killed on a secret mission. After that, there were no more choices left. I became Adrian Vale’s wife by default. I had given everything to Adrian. And I loved him. I thought he loved me too until I took a bullet to the chest—meant for him. As I lay there, barely breathing, I heard Adrian talking to his assistant, “Don’t bury her in the Vale cemetery. My half is reserved for Elara.” That was it. Elara—who had never even lived long enough to marry him—still had a space carved beside him in death. I? I had taken the hit that should have ended him… and yet I wasn’t even good enough to be buried near him. I slowly closed my eyes. And when I opened them again, I was back on the day the Vale family formally announced Adrian as their new head. The day everything began.

The only reckless thing I ever did in my last life was fall in love with Luca Moretti. For five years, I called him my brother by day and lay in his arms by night. Then half a month ago, outside the Moretti Club, I heard him talking to his men. "Luca, what are you going to do about the little girl Grace brought in? Weren't you supposed to play with her and dump her? How has this gone on for five years?" "You got with her to get back at your stepmother, right? Sophia dumped you back then, so you turned around and went after Grace's precious daughter. Don't tell me you actually fell for her." Then Luca's cold, cruel voice slipped through the crack in the door. "Love her? Come on. I just haven't decided how to end it yet. Maybe I'll let her stand alone in the church on our engagement day. That could be fun." Laughter burst from the private room. I stood outside the door, my hands and feet turning ice-cold. So my five years of love were just his pastime, a knife meant to cut my mother. I ran from the club in a panic, drove straight into the storm, and died in a pileup on Chicago's South Side. When I opened my eyes again, I had returned to the year before anyone knew about me and Luca. This time, I wasn't going to wait for him to throw me away. I would leave first.

She was backed up against the tree and I took a branch, breaking it in half to reveal a sharp end, and going straight for his neck. It might not do much, or at least that's what I thought, but it should be enough to get him away from her.To my surprise, he plummeted to the floor. I looked at Illyria and walked towards her like a predator. With my bloodied hands, not sure if it was mine or his blood, I put them on Illyria's collarbone while dragging it up to her neck and ending up in her face, painting it just like the red rose in her hand, while she looked at me with panic in her eyes.“Don't fear me, little rose. I won't hurt you, but next time you decide to run away, make sure you do it without anyone noticing. I have eyes everywhere” I said in a low growl, that sounded even more dangerous than what I usually sound. ~~~~~~Illyria Abbot was meant to choose a husband on her 21st birthday. When her mansion is attacked by rebellious vampires, she barely escapes with her life. Lost in the woods she’s found by Kieran Moore, a brute vampire who will make her life hard while falling in love with her. But there are secrets who will keep testing them and their love. Will they be able to overcome it, or will it be their doom? Author’s Note: This story contains Latin Language. I am using a program that might not be accurate on the translation, so I apologize in advance if the translation is wrong. Thank you for reading this story and enjoy.

Mia Nova is sold to the devil to clear her fathers debt. Luca Barone, known in whispered fear as Diavolo, doesn’t just collect money, he also collects souls. Luca expects to meet a broken Mia who will plead for her life with tears and vivid fear. Instead he meets a petty thief who fears nothing. She smiles when he threatens to sell her to men, and makes jokes about her breast size not being enough for these men. In Luca’s world, the biggest currency is fear, but it seems Mia is bankrupt. When she steps into Pandemonium, his secret lair where powerful men are undone, she becomes the queen of the night, raking in five hundred million dollars in her first night. They make a second deal. The freedom of her soul costs six billion dollars in the six months of her gracing the golden chair every night. A kiss seals the deal. That same kiss changes everything between them. He becomes possessive, and she wants to surrender to him, but the ghost of the woman who graced the chair before her, returns with a fire that is set to burn everything down. Mia must decide between running from the Devil who owns her, or staying with the man who no longer wants to.

Six teenagers, each born with strange alien abilities, make their way to an mysterious academy to find answers to their heritage. Only to discover that their heritage may threaten the planet they love The story starts with six teenagers. Each recently finding out that they were born half human and half alien. The teenagers are invited to the mysterious Zen Academy, an institution that is kept secret from the rest of the world. There they meet the alluring Chancellor Thorne, the pure alien head master that informs the teenagers they are safe and her true desire is to help them control and understand their strange abilities. This, however, is her biggest lie.The teenagers soon discover that many of the students that fail the training portion of this Academy have started to go missing and the true colors of the good Headmaster begin to expose themselves. As teenagers escape the clutches of Zen Academy, they gradually we find out the Chancellor's true motives and the depths she will sink to achieve them. Despite their conflicting personalities, the teenagers must come together not only for their survival but also for the fate of the world. They are dangerous. They are threatening. They are The Ominous.

**FIRST BOOK**Meet tall and handsome, slightly tanned Alpha Dominic Thunders, Alpha of the notorious and merciless Red Moon pack, his features could make the Greek gods jealous even though it is believed that he was hand crafted by them. His broad muscular body with his perfect bulging muscles and well chiseled and could make you drool; one look from him with those damn beautiful brown eyes could make girls wet and the men in worlds known mafia's bow down to respect him, they spoke the words of authority and had a mischievous look. A true born Alpha who leads by example. Admired and adored by his pack; he has protected them by putting his life on the line, a story for much later; a storm brewing and it is coming for the Red Moon Pack. His right hook is known to put the toughest of men out in one swing. His beast needs to be tamed and the storm in his soul needs to be calmed. Now! Meet Athena Breeze, her stunning body and those sexy curves; she is half heaven and half hell and believe me you do not want to be on the half that is hell. Long black waist length hair and dark brown eyes, her smile could either make your heart melt and her fair skin so soft and smooth, not a single blemish. The women warriors of the first world would be in admiration of her fighting skills. Stubborn and strong minded like any other female Alpha who is being groomed to take the reins of Ocean Moon. She has a heart full of love; don't forget the sass. She needs to be grounded. Could it be coincidence that these two fated mates meet a couple of days later?

BOOK ONE ~ I was born Vanessa Montgomery. But to be honest, I have always hated that name. ~ In a small fantasy world where loving your fellow gender is a crime that can get you arrested or worse, killed, Vanessa is asked to choose between going to jail or going to a home for 'getting better' and she might be a little bitch but she knew she would not survive a day in prison so getting better it was. Except if she knew what she was getting herself into, she would have gladly ran to prison and kissed the prison guard personally. In a place where each individuals name is changed into flavours that match their personality and are drawn to one another like magnets. Would she able to ignore the attractions that come out from her in waves for them or would she find herself tangled in a web of madness that she would never be able to escape from? WARNING: This is a polyamory/polyfidelity book with more than three characters having a relationship. There would be slight use of cuss words, mature content and basically everything that makes a book half smut and half fluff.