Mort Bob's Burgers Novels & Stories

Life was good, or at least it was until that moment. While I was buttering the bread, I turned on the television to listen to the news. I wasn't too interested at first, I just left the volume low while I moved the pans. But then, the words “prison” and “father” began to stand out from the crowd of everyday news stories. I frowned, not wanting to believe what I was hearing. “It appears that famous businessman and philanthropist, Bruce Morton, of Morton Companies, was arrested this morning on charges of fraud and money laundering,” the host said, and my heart sank. What was happening? My father?

His eyes widened in surprise when he saw me, but that quickly turned into a grin. "Good morning!" he greeted me, waving. I didn't want to ignore him, so I offered a smile. When I looked at the table, I was surprised by the variety of food spread out before me. Seriously? All this for just one person? "Is it someone's birthday?" I asked, still eyeing the table. "Matty arranged it before he left earlier," Russell explained. "Isn't it your birthday today?" Huh? Did Luigi really arrange this? Could it be his birthday today?

He settled in silently. Everyone settled in silently. Matt pulled into a fast-food drive-through after a little while and sent the place into a flurry ordering sixteen animal-style double-doubles. The cute little human girl taking our order would’ve been even more startled if she’d seen how quickly all of them vanished. Meat. Real meat, and cheese, and onions…and meat. I tore into my burgers like a feral beast, dropping the trash into one of the paper bags and flopping back in my seat, feeling like an anaconda.

Th e appartment was dark, illuminated only by the ghostly flickering of the television. Stretched out on his worn couch, Pete Weber shoved the crumbling remnants of his second double cheeseburger into a white Burger King bag and tossed the bag to the floor. He rubbed his greasy palms on his jeans, then pushed the stop button on the remote control of the new DVD player he had stolen the day before. The room went black, but Weber had never minded the darkness.

“Are you serious?” I take the cherry out of my drink and suck it into my mouth. Once I swallow the cherry, I put the stem into my mouth, part it slightly, and tie the stem with my tongue. I place the tied stem in front of him. “Absolutely.” He rubs the back of his neck before he leans in close. “I will tell you. I know a Bob. People say that he is eccentric and lives on the outskirts of town. He is crazy and always muttering things that no one understands.” I nodded to encourage him to continue. “Go east past the old, rundown mill. His house is before you get to the abandoned general store.”

Some things never change. Even though he’s wearing his sharp black suit, I can still see the little boy who used to run around the mansion in nothing but his underwear. I smile at the memory. “Are you just going to keep staring at me, or are you going to eat your lunch too? I am telling you, this is the best burger in the whole of NYC!” Mason says between bites, still grinning wide, his gummy smile on full display. I shake my head, unwrap a burger, and take a bite.

Melody raised a brow at her but ignored the comment. "I'd recommend the beast, it's the best burger you'll find around these parts," Melody said. "It's also the only edible thing the cook can make," Marcus muttered. "You hush, he'll be out here to whoop your ass into shape if he hears you talking about his cooking again. You know he hates it when you try to scare away customers," Melody said with a playful swat to Marcus' head. "Uh, I'll take the beast, then," Ellie said, handing her menu over to the waitress and wondering what she just ordered and whether or not they were going to have to make a stop on the way home.

I have to brace myself to see him and for that I can’t be unprepared. We sit for the first course. I don’t care what it is. I just shove food in my mouth while everyone talks about how bad business is lately. Mary knows much about this topic so she’s the one talking the most. Good for her. I bet everyone is super duper proud of her. I say nothing, even when pushed my Sarah or Marc. I have very little to say to these people. I have another drink, and this time even dad gives me a stern look, which I ignore. I’ll drink as much as I want. I need to be drunk for this. “Yes,” mom says. “I think that the hotel is glamorous and I can’t wait to join you for lunch there.”

"Madam Betty, please give us two of your signature beef burgers." "No." Jefferson gave Adrienne a fierce look. He knew that she would have a hard time eating meat after coming out of the dissection room. Why would she order a beef burger? Was she dumb? "Madam Betty, please give us one beef burger and one veggie burger." "Why are you glaring at me? I want a beef burger." Adrienne had already forgotten about all the corpses she was working on earlier. Her mind was full of thoughts of her grandfather. She wanted to sit there, at his favorite seat, and eat his favorite burger. She was hoping that when Hodge looked down from heaven, he would know that she was missing her, and that he would visit