“Daddy, Will You Ever Love Me?”
No matter how hard he tried, I was unwilling to be nice to him, let alone decent.
The year following my mother's death, I buried myself in work, raising my profile as a relentless, smart, sought-after cybersecurity professional. I spent my nights drinking alone while dealing with loneliness and depression. I grew more and more resentful about my physical deficiencies, while putting on weight from a lack of exercise. Most mornings, I woke with splitting headaches, struggling not to puke. This is how it went for a year. I eventually got sick of feeling worthless. The drinking had to stop, so I started going to twelve step meetings. After about a year, I started to feel better about myself. I t
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