Reading those stories is like watching two magnets with opposite poles slowly drift together, but they keep getting flipped around by all the external noise. The tension never comes from them not understanding each other; they're probably the only two people on the team who truly do, on that deep, messed-up level. It's the fear of ruining that fragile understanding by adding romance into the mix.
Writers who nail it focus on the quiet moments after a fight, where Gar's trying to make a joke and it falls flat because Raven's too exhausted to play along. Or Raven reaching out psychically not because she needs to, but because she knows the shape of his thoughts is comforting in a way words aren't. The struggle is never about 'does she like me?'—it's about two people who are anchors for each other learning that it's okay to need an anchor themselves. The best ones make their first kiss feel less like a victory and more like a surrender to something that was already there.
I keep coming back to fics where their powers interact in weirdly intimate ways. Raven calming his beast forms not with magic, but with shared mental imagery of a forest at dawn. Or Gar shifting into a raven not to be clever, but because it's the only form light enough to perch on her shoulder without breaking her concentration.