Stand Here Alone Novels & Stories

he asked quietly. “Yes,” I said. “I don’t want to be someone who waits to be saved. I want to be someone who can stand in the light, even if it scares me.” He exhaled slowly, a small, almost invisible nod. “Alright. But we do it together. You don’t step alone, not once.”

I cut in calmly. Unease rippled outward. Worship was easy. Thinking required courage. “You want someone to kneel to,” I continued. “Someone to carry your burdens so you never risk standing on your own.” My gaze swept across them. “No gods. No thrones.” The words landed heavier than a war drum. “We stand,” I pressed a hand lightly to my chest, “or we fall, together. Not beneath one another.” For a long moment, nothing moved. Then the old alpha slowly rose.

That was a battle I’d have to fight alone. ‎

I was alone — completely, utterly alone. And as I stood there, exhaling heavily and struggling to catch my breath, it became clearer. There was no safe place left to run.

The beings gathered around one another. Sharing thoughts. Sharing memories. Sharing existence itself. No loneliness. No separation. Only connection. The sight was beautiful. Then Ama noticed something. One figure stood apart from the others. Watching. Waiting. Alone. The vision paused around it. The Witness whispered: The first lonely thing. A chill ran through Ama. The figure was not evil. Not monstrous. Not cruel. Just alone. Endlessly. Painfully. Alone. The other beings moved together. Sharing.

My hands began to shake. Under the photograph, two words. Come alone.

Tears come to my eyes as I realize there's no one to give me away at the alter. "I'd like to be alone" I say the first time but no one hears me and I clench my hands into fists. "I said I'd like to be alone now " I repeat with my voice higher than before. The women are startled and they look at one another before walking out, strangely in a single file. I look at myself in the mirror beautiful and ready for one of the most important days of my life and then suddenly I don't see myself anymore.

Alone and all theirs. ***

They are also the favorite ones. I don't want to feel jealous towards them but I can't help it. I envy them because our parents' attention is always to them. I can't help but to think that, Am I still belong here? Sometimes life is too hard to be alone and sometimes life is too good to be alone. Being alone is also a choice. It's either you need to stand on your own, or let people help you stand, risking your everything that may broke down easily because you trusted them.

"To be honest, I have no damn clue. I've been saving my money though, and Marta and Bill would shit, bit I really just...ugh. Well, I want to go somewhere. Do something. Between the studying, side jobs and being in that depressing house, I just want to break the routine. A change of scenery." "I feel you! I'm wanting the same, but I was too afraid to do do alone. I was just waiting on you to say something like that so I'd have a partner in crime. I don't have the balls to go solo." I smile. "Me either. Bill has kind of freaked me out over the years. If a dude follows me through the 7/11 I'm already reaching for the industrial strength dog deterrent and convinced it's my end." She laughs.