Terrible Pick Up Lines Novels & Stories

“We could do that.” “I love it when they’re so confident.” I shook my head, taking a deep breath in a bid to regain my bearings. And to think that was the dumbest pick-up line I’d ever heard. He wiggled the five hundred dollar bill in front of my eyes. “Um, hello? I’m not playing.” “Fine,” I groaned, snatching the five hundred dollars from his hand. “I will bet five hundred dollars on not getting your disgusting cock anywhere near me tonight.”

"But unfortunately that wasn't a pick up line, Thea. And I don't tell women they're cute. I'm not high school. I'm a man." I shake my head. "Yeah, your line's like this, your skin is so tasty it makes me want to have a bite." I try to mimic him. He continued to laugh. "You make it sound so bad." "It's because it is. I don't know why women fall for that crap." He smiles. "There are two types of women Thea. The rat." He pulled out one finger. Then he pulled out his second finger. "And then there's the tiger."

I haven't responded to him before he said, "You light my world the moment you step in." I scrunch my face in confusion. "What?" "That's a pickup line", Becky commented. I burst out laughing at Becky's comment. "A pick-up line? It sucks." I laughed some more. The guy was handsome no doubt but, what sort of pickup line is that? I asked inwardly. The first thing you say to a girl is a pick-up line? That's absurd! The guy only smiled as he stood with his broad shoulders confidently, twirling his fingers around the glass of wine in his hand.

That same conference managed to bring Terrence and me together, which led us to be here, today, now. *** “Hey! I saw you on the front row from where I sat and thought to myself, ‘Wow! What amazing hair!’” He had started, using the weakest pick-up line I had ever heard all my life. As a young lady, it was routine for men, both young and old, to walk up to me with different phrases that they thought were catchy enough to work on me as pick-up lines. The truth of the matter was, I always ended up dismissing all of them because they just tried too hard and yet never got too far.

It is obvious why he came and it annoyed me that he will do it knowing that she is with me. “Have we met before?” I scoffed inside at his cliche pick up line. Dude a teenager can do better than this. “I don’t think so,” Kamaria said politely and turned away from the guy to speak to me, effectively dismissing him but he wouldn’t take the hint. He tapped Kamaria on the shoulder to get her attention. “Don’t be like that baby, why don’t you give me your number and we can talk more over a glance of wine, and may be something more,” he flashed her a charming grin that I am sure has gotten him into a lot of girls pants.

I was flirting and the words bounced from my lips smoothly like butter. “And how many girls have you used that pick-up line on Kade?” “You, feel free to tell me if it’s working or if I need to up my game” Good God, I sounded like a sordid suitor trying to get in a woman’s pants after the first kiss. And that’s the fucking thing, I hadn’t even kissed her yet and I was this whipped. “Ooh you need to up your game buddy, where I come from men have better game than you”, she was teasing but I growled.

“And I want to court you to be my girlfriend.” Even worse! I shrugged my head in disapproval. “You’re joking.” “Do I look like it?” “You don’t look like a clown but damn, you have a talent to be one,” I spat in annoyance. “What did you even saw in me? I’m not even beautiful!” “You are! I was in fact, blinded by your dazzling beauty,” I frowned at his clichéd pickup line. It was so cheesy I wanted to puke again right now to turn him off. I always hated awkward moments like this.

“And if I fail to give you 100 chemistry pickup lines?” “I will get to that later so do we have a deal?” “Yeah, I guess we do.” Dwight said as he brought his hand for a handshake. And that’s how my problems started, I thought he wouldn’t actually give me a 100 pickup lines, because for a while, he kept quiet and I thought I was victorious, hell I was already making planes of what I will tell him to do, but I didn’t know that he was just getting ready, now we are on number 84 and I have never been so frustrated since that holdup in traffic five years ago in Senegal. I already told him to stop, but his smart reply was we had a deal…. I made a deal with the fucking devil.

They were so much moved by this pick up line that they couldn’t even allow him to finish. “I could search my whole life through and through and never find another you. If I had to choose whether to breathe or to love you, I would use my last breath to tell you that... I love you.” “As the days are passing by, my love for you is growing strong. Please be mine forever. Please belong to me. You are my life's most wonderful song. Please marry me, Erica.” He said the last few lines and my fork dropped for my hands, not attracting them since they were all focussed on the proposal.

No wonder the poor guy fails. Quietly, I wonder why my friends—many guys, in fact—think a girl appreciates fancy pickup lines. Or some smolder face. Or ridiculous, practiced moves designed to be charming. I prefer to avoid coming off like a dude with “mad game” and it pays off in spades, even without my trying.