Novel & Cerita Trapped Inside Your Own Mind

The feeling that I was drowning in memories that would not let me go? A wave of exhaustion crashed over me. It was too much. All of it. The effort of existing was too much. I dropped the phone onto the couch. It landed screen up. The number still glowed there. I sank down beside it. My head fell into my hands. I was trapped. Trapped in this apartment. Trapped in my own mind. Trapped by a memory that was over two decades old but felt like yesterday. Like it was happening right now. Over and over again.

He was asking her if she was happy that she successfully got him out of her mind. She went silent as she stood up and walked towards the railing. Her long hair was flown by the slight wind but she just let them be as she thought of an answer to his question. 'Am I happy?' she thought. Actually shevwas confused. She couldn't really tell him that she was currently feeling complicated while he was being around her because her mind and heart were fighting, producing an inner turmoil.

No more running. "Thank you." Cara said and turned back to herself. Only to realize that she really was standing there all alone. She was literally now talking to herself. She immediately looked back at the message board and to the mirror. There once again was her face reflecting back at her. Smiling at her reflection she turned and walked back down the sidewalk, back the way she had come. Thinking about the conversation she had just had with her own reflection she couldn't help but laugh at herself. The mind is a funny thing after all. As she walked on she couldn't help but glance down at her imaginary right leg. She wondered if this is what it would always be like? Would she always have it

she said as if she was reading her mind. "You don't understand, he borrowed money from him, and said that I am the one who will pay for it. Is that right? He almost sold me to him." She stops sobbing and wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "I was wondering why needs to do that, and now he was nowhere to be found. And my life was like a roller coaster these past weeks because of the man he was indebted with." Her words were bursting from her mouth. "Now, he is asking me to marry him. And I couldn't say no, because I am thinking that I was trapped with him and there's nothing I can do to free myself."

The more she stared, the effect seemed to increase by thousands of volts. "Aaaarrgghh! Nisa you're crazy. I'm crazy, there's no way you like him. He's a lunatic, a pervert, a destroyer and a bad influence on you," Nisa's mind screamed and cursed again. She seemed to have lost her mind. Nisa shook her head, "Hurry back home Nisa, you have to persuade him," again and again Nisa felt her brain getting short-circuited, how could the person she thought was a trouble-maker, a crazy man with no brains now secretly admire her.

“Thank you for giving up. Thank you for letting me have what’s rightfully mine.” Horror flooded through me. What the hell was I thinking? Why had I given up? “No,” I tried to scream. “No, I take it back!” But it was too late, the cold presence had taken complete control. I was trapped now, sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness in my own mind. Everything went black.

I whispered to myself. I had no answer. I hit my palm towards the mirror, which cracked right down the center, breaking my face in half. Perfect. I was broken inside and out. I stumbled back to the bed, collapsed on it, staring at the ceiling. I could feel the walls closing in around me. I wanted to leave. I wanted to run. But where would I go? He owned me. I was trapped. I pressed my palms against my eyes until all I saw was darkness and flashing lights.

My mind kept wandering, replaying every little moment from today. The way Damian stared at me when I held Emily. The way his voice softened when he thanked me. The warmth of his shoulder against my cheek. I groaned quietly, pulling the blanket over my face. "What is wrong with me?" I whispered. Each time I closed my eyes, he was there standing in my mind, silent but present, his gaze steady, his expression unreadable. "Damn it," I muttered again, turning to my side. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shut him out. The more I resisted the thought, the stronger it became.

Even on days when it felt like I had perhaps been free, there was surely something constant that was there to remind me of my captivity. Just like the day I escaped from the tunnel, thinking I was going to be happy again once I got in the midst of the people who loved me, it only marked the beginning of another heightened yet inverse form of captivity. Those were the times when I desperately begged God to take my life away because what is worse than being entrapped in the midst of the demons that fed on your mind and sap away large chunks of your sanity each passing minute like a meal? There is nothing more agonizing than that.

It was frustrating how every part of me at this moment was frozen in time, even though my soul was desperate to jump out and away from the threat I faced. ‘Why, why, why!’ for all my caution, all the unease I had felt to come here, I still fell into a trap. And this time, it wasn't anyone's fault but my own. I let myself get tricked, pushed away my caution. It was my fault. My own fucking fault. No. I couldn't stay in a mirage of self pity when a dankeh was nearing. Swallowing, I forced my eyes away, searching for the exit.