control
"And I'm not going to be party to that. Not anymore. Either we're actually doing this, or we're not. But we can't be doing it in secret while you pretend to the rest of the world that I don't matter."
"You matter," I said.
"Not enough to claim," Eli said. "Not enough to stop panicking the moment someone acknowledges that we're actually connected."
I wanted to argue. I wanted to explain that I was trying, that vulnerability was harder than he seemed to understand, that my immediate defensive response didn't negate the real feelings underneath it.
But I could see in his expression that he'd heard these justifications before. That he was tired of excuses dressed up as explanations.
"I'm sorry,"