Wallowing In Self Pity 소설 & 이야기

She ranted faintly, pain exuding in every gesture of her restless body organs and words. With each word of apology that tumbled from her lips, Grace's pain became palpable, radiating from her restless body like a tangible force. She couldn't bear to meet her parents' eyes, the shame and guilt weighing heavily on her conscience. In that moment, she felt suffocated by the weight of her own inadequacies; her attempts to prove herself worthy crumbled in the face of her own insecurities.

I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I crawl to my feet, falling against the front door weakly, sobs racking my body painfully as I pull myself up to rest against it and drag air into my bruised lungs. My forehead falling against the chipped surface as I try wildly to ground myself and bring some sense of calm back to my despair. Shame descends over me at my own defeat, my own stupidity. My fingers and hands splay across the door, trying to keep my body from self-imploding while shaking violently. I stand in the shadows gulping down air frantically.

All I want to do is lay face down on my bed and see how long it take to suffocate myself without force. My own parents say their quick hellos as I stomp up the stairs, ignoring my mood swings like they're the plague and I clamp down on top of my bed. That's when I let the tears full of self pity flow. They are the kind that make you feel sadder the longer you cry.

it taunted, a relentless reminder of my own unworthiness. The walls of the room, once just physical barriers, began to feel like the walls of a prison cell, closing in on me, suffocating me with the weight of my own loathsome existence. I was trapped, not just in that bed, but in the hellish labyrinth of my own making, a maze with no escape, where every turn led to deeper despair.

I can feel myself drowning in self pity and disgust, and the only thing I can do is look and be allowed to be stepped on. How long has it been? One week? Two weeks? A month? I do not know, but I have been stuck in this room for a long while now. My back was against the wall and my knees folded up to my chest. Darkness has been my only comfort, and I have fallen into a nasty routine. I do nothing but stare at the wall all day and when it is time, my tormentor comes for her daily bread and my daily dose of pain. She visits me every time and never fails to show me who is in control.

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to wallow in self-pity, feeling sorrowful and abandoned. She made her way back to her room, feeling disheartened and emotionally drained. When she entered the room, she was hit with a wave of loneliness and isolation. The room was empty, and the lack of company only made her feel worse. The dispirited young woman stumbled to her bed and collapsed onto it, letting out a deep sigh of melancholy.

“You know what? I pity you. I pity you for thinking that sneaking around and betraying the one person who actually gave a damn about you makes you some kind of man. But you’re not a man. “ You’re a pathetic, insecure little boy who can’t stand the sight of himself in the mirror. And one day, when Evelyn’s done using you, when you’re alone and drowning in your own self-loathing, you’ll remember this moment. You’ll remember that you lost me because you were too stupid to see what you had.”

Even my usual coping mechanism wasn’t working. A gut wrenching scream escaped me as I finally broke, and slid down the tiled wall into a heap. The tears flowed uncontrollably. I cried for what I’d experienced both tonight and in the past, I cried knowing that things would never be the same again and lastly I cried over the uncertainty that was now eating me from the inside. Dane would never look at me the same way again if ever. I just sat there and wallowed letting my emotions pull me under. Self pity and loathing engulfed me. I didn’t even move once the water ran cold, I just didn’t care anymore.

All those questions tortured me to sleep. I woke up in the morning, my eyes heavy from crying. My body was in pain from sleeping in fetus position for so long. I had not energy to get out of the bed and face the day. What would be the point of it all? After a while of pointless pondering, I figured I should just take a bath and see what I can do. There is no point for me to wallow in self pity.

Ignoring his pleas, I sprinted faster, my focus solely on finding solace in the sanctuary of my room. Finally safe within the sanctuary of my four walls, I collapsed onto my bed, gasping for breath. The weight of embarrassment pressed heavily upon me, and a tidal wave of self-deprecation washed over my bruised ego. How could I be so clumsy? I banged my head against the wall in frustration, aware of the follies of my own actions.