Novel & Cerita Why Do I Love Someone That Hurts Me

"Why not?" Why not? I don't know. I can't figure out why I can't force myself to hate him. The way I should. Why can't I dislike a man who lied to me? The one who played with my heart and broke it when he promised he wouldn't? Even with Vincent's lies, I still love him. Not for his money, but for him. His smile. The small thoughtful things he constantly does for me. Things that no one had ever done before, even myself.

I want him far away from me… But I love him so much. I love him so much that it hurts. I feel that if I was not given these Werewolf traits I wouldn’t be so stuck because I know that if he ever shows up at my front door step I will instantly melt into his arms. I hate myself for this. He broke me. And I have the right to be angry but I can’t be angry because of how much I love him. That’s why I will avoid him as much as I can.

It's the only thing that's keeping me alive. Why Jihun? Why are you doing this to me? The impact he has on me is very dangerous. Even after he broke me I still love him and I hate myself for that. You break my heart every time and when it heals it beats for you. I know it's pathetic but that's the truth. You feel like my home and everywhere I have never been, all at once.

I could only imagine the pain of losing people that were dear to you… He continued to cry in front of me. I hugged him and patted my Tristan gently at the back. “Dahlly, don’t you… Don’t you ever leave me,” he said slowly when he had calmed down. I raised my head towards him. “Why would I leave you?” “Because I am not a good person. I can hurt you.” “I know, but one’s tolerance for hurt and the ability to love are two different things… I won’t stop loving you ever, if that’s what you meant to ask from me…”

He suddenly lift up his head to look at me when I questioned him that. “Don’t say that, Astia. I love you.” His eyes were also red from the tears that were forming in. “Then why did you cheat?” I painfully asked. “I also heard you said that you love her the most. Really? If you didn’t love me anymore, can’t you just break up with me?” Why can’t he just do that? Instead of hurting me like this? Is it fun hurting someone? What will you get by hurting someone anyway? Does it have a reward?

“You know I’ve done a lot for you and I’ve asked just for one thing. For you to love me.” I scoffed. “With all you’ve done, that’s the precise reason why I don’t love you.” “Why can’t you see that I’m a human with feelings for you? I’ve made mistakes but you don’t need to punish me like this.” “Punish you?” I scoffed. “Did you just say punish?” “Yes. I love you.” “People who love people don’t poison them. They don’t poison their partners. They help them succeed. What you did was unforgivable.”

I press a hand there, as if I can keep them from sinking deeper. “If he loves me,” I say, “why does it always feel like I’m on a leash?” “Because he doesn’t know how to love without holding on too tight,” she says simply. “Doesn’t mean he’s indifferent. Just means he’s damaged.” “So am I,” I mutter. “Exactly,” she says. “Two damaged people trying to build something on a battlefield. Shockingly, it’s not going smoothly.” I let out a sound that’s half laugh, half sob.

“You shouldn’t love a man like me, I’m not good for you, and I’ll never be.” “But…” “You wanted me to be honest even though it’s hurt, and this is me being honest,” every word felt like a knife sliced through my heart. Why was I the one feeling hurt when I was trying to hurt her? “I can't reciprocate your feelings, because I am incapable of it. Loving me would be torturous to you, and I won't allow it. It wouldn’t be fair to you,” my chest rose heavily. I was trying to keep my cool, but it was hard to.

I felt like the new life I'd built for myself was slowly crashing down and I didn't know how to stop it. “I'm proud of you for standing your ground. You needed to let him know how much his actions had hurt you and you were right to ask for space.” Victoria assured me that she knew I felt guilty. I felt like maybe I'd been too hard on him. “I know, but why doesn't it feel that way. It feels…painful.” I told her, pulling away from her. “Because you love him, and you trusted him and he hurt you.” “I know,” I said quietly. She was right. I love him but it would be hard for me to forget the pain he'd caused.

Afterall, it is said that the people we love the most are the people who end up hurting us the most. Their trauma to us stabs deeper because we love them. They are able to hurt us so deeply because we love them so deeply. Passionately. And thinking that they love us too. My father loved me. Tasha loved me too, but I ended up hurting them. I loved my mum to the point of doing anything she asked of me, but she ended up hurting me, silently wiping me out of her life as if I were a stain on her impeccable reputation. No one can hurt you if you don't love them. You just wouldn't give a fuck about them because you don't care about them.