Will Never Be Enough Novels & Stories

Like I'm always on the outside looking in. The smile faltered on her lips, and for once her playful demeanor softened. "Ignas, you have been through so much-more than anyone else here knows. You don't have to be like them to be valuable. You're one of the best healers we have.".She spoke softly, but the words fell short of the mark. "It's not just that," I said, staring at my hands. "I feel like… regardless of what I do, it's never enough. I'm never enough."Tessa leaned over and laid a hand on my arm. "You're more than enough, Ignas.

She was like an older sister, which I never had. I finally sputtered a few words: "I feel like in my situation, I'm hoping for too much, but I know whatever I do, I'll never be enough." I said this with tears streaming down the sides of my cheeks. "You're so much more than just enough, Steph. Your heart is filled with so much love and compassion. Life will give it all back to you. It might take a while, but it will happen, believe me." I summoned all of my energy to bring a smile to my face.

“Yeah, and I feel like a fool realizing I'll always be a substitute. You’ll never be free of her. And I’ll never be enough.” “Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep making me the villain every time I try to move forward?!” “Because I’m terrified that one day, she’ll come back,” he whispered. “And the second she does, you’ll realize you were only settling for me.” I turned away, chest heaving, trying to collect myself—but he just wouldn't stop. “I’m not enough, am I?” His voice cracked. “No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try... I’ll never be her.”

It’s never enough. My trainer keeps warning me to slow down before I push myself too far, but what the hell does he know? He doesn’t get it. No one does. I miss her. God, I miss her so much, and it’s not just the sex though, fuck, that’s a whole different kind of torture, but it’s everything. The way she fits so perfectly in my arms, the way she challenges me, sees through my bullshit and makes me feel alive. Now I’m just holding onto scraps of memories, of fleeting moments, and it’s not enough. It’s never going to be enough because I want more. I want her. Every part of her.

A routine that felt like a cage. Wake, work, go home. Over and over. Relentless. I couldn’t stop. Because if I did, the past might return... that feeling of being incomplete. Those days when I had to remind myself that I wasn't enough. Since then, every move I made became a silent scream: I can do this. One day, I’ll finally be enough. But in the deepest corner of my mind, a whisper wouldn't go away: What if, even then... I'm still not?

I felt them find the exact place they were aimed at. "So I do not tick your boxes," I said quietly. "That is what you are telling me." "I am telling you the truth..." "No. You are telling me that I am not enough. That everything I do — working myself to the bone, providing, showing up in every way I know how is not enough because I cannot also be physically present every single hour of every single day." My voice stayed steady. I was proud of that. "That is what you are telling me." "That is not—"

His entire body stilled, "What?" "She lied. She kept telling me I was enough. She kept saying I didn't have to change. That I was perfect exactly the way I was," I squeezed my eyes shut, "But she was wrong." The sentence shattered somewhere in the middle. "I'm not enough. I've never been enough. I keep trying. I try so hard. I study harder. I work harder. I try to be... better but it never feels like enough." In one gentle pull, my father drew me toward him. I didn't fight him. The moment his arm settled around my shoulders, everything inside me broke. I buried my face against his chest. A sob escaped before I could swallow it back.

"I gotta go, kiddo. Training with your brothers and work needs me." "Please." I don't want to be left alone. "I'm busy. Go see your mum, kiddo." I watch him walk out and hear her laughing. My head drops, and I cry. "Why would he stay, boy?" Her words are loud as she leans over me. "You're not worth staying for. You're not enough for anyone to stay. You never will be, boy. Get fucking used to it." I watch her walk away from me. I'm not enough. She's right. I'm never going to be enough.

“And got your heartbroken.” The colors in the lady's eyes slowly faded for a second. Then she slightly shook her head and brightened up. “Yes. Once, but it was a long time ago.” The lady sadly mumbled. “How do you stop loving someone who you feel like you can not live without, so you can be able to live without them?” Carmen softly asked. “I am sorry, miss. I can't answer your question.” “Why?” “Because I've never stopped loving him. All I can do is to continuing living through the pain.”

Why is it hurting? I feel my chest tighten. How can it be more tight when it should be emptier because of the vacancy in my heart? Why does the tears keep on coming? How can there still be any of it left? Hasn't I cried enough? I will never be enough, won't I? ****