you re so old jokes one liners

Penelope was the woman everyone admired-beautiful, intelligent, and full of love. She was destined to marry Zion Alias Montelgo, one half of the powerful Montelgo twins. But on their wedding day, a tragic accident changed everything. Zivon Alexis Montelgo, Zion's twin, had always loved Penelope from afar. When the accident tore Zion and Penelope apart, Zivon seized the opportunity to make her his own. But as they begin their life together, cracks start to show, and Penelope isn't quite the woman Zivon remembers. Something about her is off-her smile, her touch, her very soul. Penelope isn't the same woman he fell for. Is the love he fought for real, or is there a deeper secret hidden behind her smile? Can they handle the truth when it comes to light?

Simoune Andrew Buenaflor is one of the hottest bachelor in town. He is the owner of Buenaflor Group of Companies na tanyag sa buong Pilipinas. Sa edad na trenta ay napalago niya na ang kanilang negosyo na ipinamana sa kanya ng yumao niyang mga magulang. Maituturing na isa siya sa pinakasuwerteng tao sa larangan ng pagnenegosyo subalit pagdating sa larangan ng pag-ibig, tila ba ito'y isang dagok sa kanya ng kapalaran. Tatlo na rin ang naging kasintahan niya ngunit wala ni-isa sa mga ito ang nagtagal. Hanggang sa isang araw ay hindi inaasahang magkatagpo ang landas nila ng isang babaeng may mapait na karanasan sa buhay at kagaya niya ay nakasarado rin ang pintuan ng puso nito. Paano kong ang babaeng ito pala ang itinakda sa kanya ng kapalaran? Magagawa niya pa kaya'ng buksan'g muli ang kanyang puso o hahayaan niya na lang itong manatiling nakapinid at habang buhay na maging sawi?

Synopsis: Emma Thompson, a talented yet struggling artist, finds herself entangled in a passionate one-night stand with Alexander Collins, a charismatic CEO. Both believing it to be a fleeting encounter, they part ways. However, fate has other plans in store for them when Emma discovers she is pregnant with Alexander's child. To protect his company's reputation, Alexander proposes a marriage of convenience, and Emma reluctantly agrees. As they navigate their unusual arrangement, Emma must endure the disdain of Alexander's high-status friends and family. Amidst the challenges, Emma forms an unexpected bond with Alexander's younger sister, Olivia. Together, they uncover a web of suspicious criminal activities within Alexander's company, setting off a chain of events that will test their courage, loyalty, and love.

"Don't you think that skirt is short for you?" She says, changing the subject and taking another long hit from her blunt. Since when does she care about my clothing? Besides it's not like it's affecting anyone, so why does it matter? "Um, no. Why do you care anyways?" I ask suspiciously, while looking down at my skirt. It's not even short. "People are looking at you in there, and maybe it's because of what you're wearing," She throws her blunt on the ashtray that she has, and turns her attention on me staring fiercely into my eyes. "Why does it matter? It's not like it's a bad thing." I say, now worried at this point. I don't know what's going through her mind as she comes closer to me, again my back is against the wall beside the balcony railing. "It is a bad thing because it seems everyone in there wants to fuck you, and for some damn reason it's bothering me." Heaven says lowly, barely audible. ----- Hatred. Despite. Mixed feelings. Read to find out about Valentina and Heavens relationship, which starts off as despiteful, then turns into something pure.

"Strip naked." He commands with an authoritative seductive voice. "Huh! Why?" I asked because his outburst is surprising. "Just..." His voice trailed, as he made his way closer to me. "I want to see you naked." He whispers. I swallowed my saliva hard, as I made my way further inside the suite. Summoning up the courage, I unzip my red gown, while allowing the gown to freely flow down until it touches the floor. He smirks devilishly at me "Touch yourself." He commands. **** Cornelia Jamarreon is a young lady who is diagnosed with stage three cancer. All she ever wanted was to get married before her time on Earth came to an end. Her boyfriend dumped her on her birthday, leaving her so devastated that she ended up having a one-night stand with a stranger she knew nothing about. She awoke the next morning to discover that he had stolen her most valuable jewelry. 'Did I give my virginity to a thief?' She asked herself. "What would happen when Cornelia finally finds her Mister handsome? Will his family members accept her and her son?" "Will Cornelia live happily ever after, or will her cancer take her life?" Find out.....

Seven years back, Sam had met a cute , Sweet girl in a friend’s wedding reception. He has come across countless girls since then but no one could stir his heart like that girl..Seven years later, He is one of the youngest successful architect in the IT industry . Christine has been greatly appreciated for her work by everyone. Her Boss forces her to accept an on site role. However, Upon reaching Country N, she realises she has fallen right into the trap setup by someone.That someone is very “Powerful” and want his sweetheart to stay by his side . She is his true love. Author Notes: Mon- Fri 1 chapter DailyThere is no Rape or major misunderstandings in this novel . This novel is for those readers who are tired of CEO, Actress, Mistress plots. Warning : lT industry terminology used whereby necessary

When struggling teacher Sienna Carter takes a last-minute nanny job for Grayson Pierce, a ruthless billionaire and single father, she has no idea what she’s getting into. Grayson is cold, demanding, and emotionally distant, more interested in boardrooms than bedtime stories. His daughter, Lily, is quiet and withdrawn, having lost her mother in a tragic accident. Sienna, with her warm and compassionate nature, clashes with Grayson at every turn. He sees her as an inconvenience, while she finds him insufferable. But as Sienna slowly breaks through Lily’s walls, she unexpectedly starts to unravel Grayson’s, too. Hate turns to fiery tension, tension turns to stolen glances, and before they know it, the icy walls between them start to melt. But just as love begins to bloom, secrets from Grayson’s past resurface, threatening to destroy everything. Will their growing love be enough to survive the storm? Or will Grayson’s fear of vulnerability cost him the one thing he never knew he needed?

Lyka was living a normal life like every normal college student. It takes the night of Halloween for her life to turn upside down when she witnesses the death of her ex. Waking up, she finds out she’s not who she thought she was and the people around her are not who she thought they were. Finding the truth about herself and her life must be the most excruciating thing especially when you learn overnight that you are a werewolf and the next Alpha. With a dangerous enemy threatening her life and those of her people as well as a mate who wants nothing to do with her, Lyka finds her life stuck in constant battle with her body and heart.

"He was once mine but then I lost him. I couldn't protect him even as I had vowed to do. But, I brought him back to life. Now, he is reborn and so is I. I will walk through hell and high waters. I will break laws and bones until I have had him in my arms once again and this time, even death can not prey him from my loving grasps." "And if in this life, another Williams or Priest shall arise, then I will go on a rampage, a mad killing spree. For his sake, I will become my demons, my monster, and I will hunt them down and pluck them out until there is nothing left of them and they will never hurt what's MINE ever again." "There is only ONE for me in this world and that ONE is HIM." **~~** Second Book of 'Poisoned Affairs'. It can be read as a stand-alone novel but if you want to learn better about their previous lives then you might wanna go check out PA first. **~~** Danny and Louis are reborn but one was born with the memories of their past lives while the other stays bound to the last words spoken to him on his deathbed. The only clue to unraveling their eternal bonds lies in their identical birthmarks, one of great meanings and importance yet even the marks wouldn't be enough to stop fate from trying one more time. Let's follow Levon and Dylon as they journey through discovery, acceptance, lust, hurt, and uncontrollable love for one another. Hope this time fate smiles better on our boys. **~~**

Racked by confusion and changes in her body, Diana found herself irresistibly drawn to Andrew. Passion ignited and threatened to consume them both. However, she was unprepared for the reason he had sought her out and the danger that lay ahead. Regardless, sharing a love of conquering their goals, this unlikely pair began to form an unexpected bond that led them to a place neither of them ever expected to be.