Chapter 5

Umupo ako sa living room, hawak yung baso ng tubig na kanina ko pa hindi iniinom. Tahimik yung paligid. Yung ibang tao sa bahay nasa kani-kanilang rooms na, habang yung mga ilaw sa hallway lang ang bukas. I kept looking at the entrance. Waiting. For what? Hindi ko alam.

“Serena?” Napalingon ako. Lucian was standing a few steps away from the living room entrance.

Nakasandal siya nang bahagya sa doorframe, one hand inside his pocket while the other was holding his phone. His sleeves were still rolled up, revealing his forearms. His hair looked slightly messier than earlier, like he'd been running his fingers through it.

He looked tired. But somehow, he still looked composed. “Bakit hindi ka pa natutulog?” tanong niya. His voice was low, almost quiet enough to disappear into the silence of the room.

I shrugged. “Hindi ako inaantok.”

He looked at the untouched glass in my hand. “You've been holding that for five minutes.”

Napatingin ako sa baso. “Oh.” I let out a small laugh, embarrassed. “Hindi ko napansin.”

Lucian's lips curved into a small smile. “I noticed.” Something about the way he said it made me look at him again. I didn't know why. Maybe because he was always noticing things about me. Or maybe because I was starting to notice things about him too.

I placed the glass on the table. “Hindi ka rin natutulog?” He shook his head slowly. “Not yet.” “Bakit?”

He paused. His eyes stayed on mine. “I couldn't sleep.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Same.” For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then he walked into the room. Not too close. Just enough that I could feel his presence more clearly. He sat on the other end of the couch, leaving a comfortable distance between us.

His profile was sharp under the warm light. The slight shadow along his jaw made him look even more mature, while his eyes remained fixed somewhere ahead, like he was carefully choosing what not to say.

“Bakit parang ang awkward natin?” I asked.

He looked at me. “Because we're not kids anymore.” Simple. But somehow, the words hit harder than they should have.

I lowered my gaze. “That's exactly what makes it weird.” He didn't answer. I could hear the faint ticking of the clock. One second. Two. Three.

Then Lucian leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees. “Serena.” The way he said my name made me look at him. “What?” His expression had changed. No smile. Dwqea;xpdowNo teasing.

Just seriousness. “There are things I shouldn't be doing.” I frowned. “Like what?” He looked at me for a long moment. Then his eyes dropped briefly to my lips before returning to my eyes. That tiny movement didn't escape me.

My stomach tightened. “Oh.” My voice came out barely above a whisper. He immediately looked away. “That's exactly why.”

“Why what?” “Why I should keep my distance.” I stared at him. For some reason, instead of making me back away, his words made me want to understand.

“Pero bakit?” He exhaled slowly. “Because I don't want to make things complicated for you.”

“Maybe I don't care.” He looked at me sharply. “Serena.”

“I mean it.” I shifted closer without really thinking about it. His eyes followed the movement. “You don't even know what you're saying.”

“Maybe I do.” My voice was quieter now. He stared at me. I could see the hesitation in his face. The way his jaw tightened. The way his fingers slowly curled against his knee.

He was trying to control himself. And somehow, knowing that made my heart beat faster. “Tell me to leave,” I whispered. He didn't answer. I waited. Nothing. “Lucian.” His eyes lifted to mine.

“I don't want you to leave.” The words were quiet. Almost reluctant. But they were enough. I don't know who moved first. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was him. All I knew was that the space between us disappeared.

His hand lifted slowly, giving me enough time to pull away if I wanted to. His fingers lightly touched the side of my face. I froze. His touch was gentle. Almost careful. I looked into his eyes. He was giving me one last chance to stop. I didn't. When he leaned closer, I closed my eyes. His lips met mine softly.

Just once. A hesitant kiss. Almost like neither of us was sure whether we were really doing it. Then he pulled back. His forehead rested lightly against mine. Neither of us spoke. My heart was beating so hard that I was sure he could hear it. “Serena…” His voice sounded different now. Rougher.

I opened my eyes. “Hmm?” He stared at me. “We shouldn't.” I swallowed. “Then why did you kiss me?” He closed his eyes for a second. “That's the problem.” I couldn't help but smile a little. “Then don't do it again.” He opened his eyes.

There was the smallest hint of amusement in them. “You're telling me not to?” I shook my head. “No.” His eyebrows lifted. “Then what are you saying?”

I looked down, suddenly shy. “I don't know.” He smiled. And then he kissed me again. This time, there was no hesitation. Still gentle. Still careful. But there was something more certain behind it. I instinctively held onto the front of his shirt, my fingers tightening slightly as he pulled me closer. The rest of the world seemed to disappear for a moment. No funeral. No questions. No grief. No family. Just us.

When we finally pulled apart, I was breathing faster. Lucian looked at me for a long moment. His thumb brushed lightly against my cheek. “Are you sure?” I nodded. “Yes.” His expression softened. He didn't say anything after that. He simply reached for my hand. I looked down at our fingers as they intertwined.

Something inside me told me this was a bad idea. That there were too many things we didn't understand yet. Too many questions about our families. Too much history between us. But at that moment, I didn't want to think about any of it. I stood up when he did. Neither of us said where we were going. We didn't need to. The hallway was quiet as we walked upstairs. My heart was still racing, and every few steps, I found myself glancing at him.

He noticed. Of course he did. “What?” he asked, looking at me with a faint smile. “Nothing.”

“You keep looking at me.” I looked away immediately. “Hindi ah.” He gave a quiet laugh. “Okay.” I rolled my eyes. “Ang yabang.” “And you're still looking.”

“Shut up.” He smiled wider. For the first time that night, the tension between us felt almost normal. Almost. When we reached my bedroom door, we stopped. Lucian looked at me. I looked back. Neither of us moved. “Serena,” he said quietly.

I waited. “If you change your mind…” “I won't.” I answered before he could finish. His expression softened. He reached for my hand again. I let him. Then we stepped inside. The door closed behind us.

I find myself lying in the bed already. Kinagat ko ang loob ng pisngi ko. I know myself I am excited too sa kung ano man ang gagawin namin, dahil ako mismo ang naunang humiga sa bed at parang inooffer na ang sarili.

I watched him aggressively removed his shirt and walang ano ano ay dumagan siya sakin. Walang usap-usap pa ay hinalikan niya ako ng madiin. May pang gigil. Na para bang sabik na sabik siyang gawin ito sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung paano siya sabayan. I didn’t even have a first kiss.

“Open your mouth, Serena” he said, parang nang uutos na ito. Medyo halos pabulong hinihingal siya at malalim ang paghinga niya. Ngayon pa ako nahiya kasi imbes na sundin ko ang sinabi niya ay mas diniin ko pa ang labi ko sa pagsara nito. Naconscious kasi ako kung anong lasa ng sarili kong laway.

Nang hindi na siya makapaghintay pa ay naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang nasa loob na ng pants ko pababa na sa puson ko. Ang isang kamay niya ay pinisil ang dede ko, shitt!

“oohhh!” tanging lumabas sa bibig ko kaya napabuka ito na agad na sinunggaban ni Lucian.