ZARAMe and Fizz arrived at the hospital, making our way to the ward where Luca was being held. I could feel my heart hammer against my chest as I made my way to the glass window, seeing him lying there wearing an oxygen mask, with machines beeping next to him.Knowing that this was all my fault.I’d pushed him too far…Made him relive his nightmares.If it wasn’t for me…This wouldn’t be fucking happening.I made my way into the room, tears streaming down my cheeks as I stared at him. The bandaged up wounds.He’d lost so much blood…So much fucking blood.I crouched down next to his bed, gently laying my head against his body.Sobbing against him.I took his hand in mine, kissing his fingers, kissing his palms.Knowing that he couldn’t feel it…But just needing to make known how much I loved him.“I’m so sorry, Luca…” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”Tears continued to roll down my cheeks uncontrollably, and I couldn’t stop them.“Fizz told me everything. I know you didn’t kill my sister
“You’re right, Zara…” I whispered, through tear-filled eyes. “I am a monster. I am a fucking monster. I killed my father. Fuck. I deserve to die. I deserve to die…”Zara continued to scream and sob, rocking her head backwards and forwards manically.I couldn’t bear the pain anymore.I couldn’t bear the heartache anymore.The hurt.The anguish.Knowing that there would be no point in breathing if I didn’t have Zara by my side.The only person I had left who made me feel like my life had a purpose…Who made me feel like I had a reason to keep pushing forward.Who made me feel like I had something to look forward to…My future looked empty without her.Hollow.Like I was trapped in limbo.I didn’t want to live my life like this.I didn’t want to live my life suffering…Constantly hating myself.Despising myself for my fucked-up mistakes.So I did something.I did something I never thought I would do.Shakily, I got to my feet, my whole body convulsing.Trembling into a frenzy.“Shoot me
Hounding memories of my father dying in my arms re-surfaced.Making their way back to me.Replaying themselves, over and over to me…Like a form of motherfucking torture.I fell to the floor in anguish, sobbing.Rocking myself backwards and forwards manically.Losing all the sanity I had left.Knowing that I’d lost my parents…And now I’d lost the love-of-my-life too.Knowing that she would never forgive me for this.“I’m sorry, Zara. I’m so fucking sorry,” I wept.“I hate you,” she sobbed. “I fucking hate you. You bastard, I let you in. I told you about all of the bad shit that happened to me. Marcello killed my father in cold blood, but you… You made me believe that somebody else killed your father… You made me believe that I could relate to you.” She screamed bloody murder. “When you were the fucking villain all along.”“Please, Zara, stop… Fuck. Stop…”I convulsed, feeling like I was going insane.Feeling like I would be better off dead.Memories of my father stabbing me straight
Maybe I was stupid…Delusional…A fucking fool…To believe that happily ever after’s existed for bastards like me.For criminals like me.I could feel Evelina’s words burn into the back of my mind, as I remembered her walking in on me fucking a broad the night I shot down Tariq Iqbal.“You bastard,” she whispered coldly, slapping me hard across the face. “You deserve everything that’s coming to you. You killed your father. Don’t you ever fucking forget that. A man like your father dead, and a monster like you alive… It isn’t right. It isn’t fucking right.”I screwed my face, burning. Feeling utterly and completely at loss.“I’ve been dancing with the devil for too long, and in the end, I got burned,” Evelina mourned. “You had your chance with me, Luca. You’re going to die alone. Die miserable. Die with nobody loving you. You push everyone away. Ruin every good thing that happens to you. I’m going to find a man who treats me right, loves me for who I am. Doesn’t expect me to conform to
16LUCAMe and Fizz made our way back home, after going out to eat at a restaurant, making the most of our last days in Italy, before we would go back to England.Fizz threw his jacket to the side, before kicking his legs up, throwing himself backwards onto the sofa, letting out all of his exhaustion.“You go ahead,” he grinned. “I’m going to call my wife and kids. Don’t keep your lady waiting.”I grinned back, before throwing off my own jacket. I couldn’t wait to have Zara in my arms again.“Baby, I’m home!” I called out.But I received no response.I furrowed my eyebrows, a little confused.“She’s probably fallen asleep, or taking a shower,” I murmured to myself.I began trudging up the stairs, yawning, ready to take a bath, after having such a long day.I made my way into my bedroom, ready to make my way into my en-suite.But what I saw…Caused me to screw my face with confusion, wondering what the hell was going on, and who the hell had been in here.My laptop was lying on the mid
Feeling like I’d lost all of the sanity I had left inside of me.Wishing that I was dead in this moment.The man that I was so madly in love with couldn’t be responsible for my sister’s death…He couldn’t…I sweated profusely, fitting together the jigsaw.I remembered that Luca told me he operated in Manchester, taking care of the Cosa Nostra’s operations there.I rocked myself backwards and forwards, screaming and sobbing.Feeling utterly and completely numb.At loss.A void.Empty.Hollow.Weak.Not wanting to believe that Luca was responsible for this.He’d made himself out to be such a genuine man…He made me believe that his enterprise never killed innocents.My sister was an innocent fucking woman.Not just my sister…But her kids, too.I read more on her husband, Tariq Iqbal, and realized that he was a criminal, a sick-minded fuck who owed the Sicilian Mafia debts, which was why they went to his apartment in the first place.But that didn’t mean that my sister had to suffer for