New identity

“Idiot!” The old woman shouted at me loudly, I could feel the heat of the soup on my thigh as she slapped the bowl when I tried to feed her. "I told you, I'm not hungry!"

"But ma'am, you need to eat before you take your medicine," I said calmly despite what she did, I needed to calm myself to keep this job.

It's been one month since I left and went abroad, and I chose to become a caregiver. I would like to build a business but it's hard for me to gamble with the only money I have, it would be better if I save up for now.

"I don't want to take more medicine, let me just die!" She yelled at me again and lay down, almost every day we both had this scene.

It's hard, it's tiring, and sometimes I get even worse from her tantrums, but I can't complain.

"I can't do that ma'am, it's been months since I got here. Since I was raised in an orphanage, I'm longing for a mother so, taking care of you is like I'm taking care of my parent." That's the truth, no matter how angry she is, I still want to keep taking care of her.

Honestly, I like and am happy with what I am doing now.

"You're just saying that because it's your job and you need the money." She clicked her tongue and sneered.

I sighed, "That's not true, ma'am." I stood up from my chair next to her bed, "I will take my leave now, just ring the bell if you need something."

 She didn't answer, I just stared at her and did nothing but leave her and left the room. The nurse will take care of the medicine later, it's also difficult because if I insist, apart from the fact that I could be fired from work, she might dislike me even more.

"Oh, why are your clothes wet? Has your beloved Caree lost her mind?” A caregiver who was also working here asks. It's really good when you have someone you can talk to in this kind of work.

"What's new, she's always hot-headed," I answered laughing. “Though, it’s better than she’s always in a daze. Seeing her lively is a relief.”

Our job is not that difficult if our Caree is getting along with us, but because the rest of them can't accept their condition, they are hot-headed and the frustration pours out on us.

Others are lucky if they get a good client, and I am not one of the lucky ones since my Caree is a single woman.

"Alright, I'll just change my clothes. The soup that was spilled on me was quite hot, I think it burned my skin." Caressing the back of my neck, I said goodbye to her and went straight to the locker room.

As soon as I took off my pajama, I could see the redness of my thigh, I couldn't help but close my eyes tightly when I tried to touch it. I think I still need to buy some ointment for this, another unwanted expense.

The salary is big but the living expenses are too high, I can only add little by little to the savings I have. Either way, that's better than nothing.

After I changed my clothes, I immediately took out my wallet, until now I haven't changed it yet... The remaining thing that reminds me of him, is this forced gift from him.

I smiled bitterly, I don't know why I still used it even though I know he just gave me the wallet because he didn't like the color he purchased.

I just shook my head, it's been a while but I'm still affected even though we're so far away from each other. Maybe now he's having fun as a free man, he can be with whoever he wants.

I was leaving the locker room to buy food and ointment when my cell phone rang, an alert tone as a sign that she had pressed the bell.

Even though it was difficult to walk because the fabric was sticking to my thigh, I walked quickly towards his room, before I opened the door, I put a big smile on my lips.

"What can I do for you, Ma'am?" I politely ask.

"I'm hungry, I can eat now." The tone of her voice was still flat, but I could notice her eyes glancing at my clothes.

I can't stop smiling secretly, she is also concerned about me.

"That's good to hear, Ma'am. I will take your food and come back immediately!” I said cheerfully and hurriedly took some food in the cafeteria, I needed to hurry she might change her mind again.

Fortunately, there wasn't much of a queue at the food cafeteria so I quickly got some and went back to her room, just like she said and it was obvious that she was hungry.

"How about you, aren't you going to eat?" She asked me noticing that I was just sitting on the side watching her.

"Oh, I will eat after you finish yours, Ma'am."

She just nodded and continued eating, but after a few moments, she stopped again and looked at me. "Next time, take your food here, and let's eat together."

Surprised, I immediately nodded, "O-Okay, Ma'am! I will do that, sure!”

The bitterness I was tasting earlier was replaced by sweetness, somehow, as if I had received a trophy. Finally, she is slowly accepting me!

~

Every day, we always eat together. It will not be difficult to make her drink medicine, in the few months we have been together, I can say that she has changed a lot.

"This food is not good," She complained while lowering the spoon with her trembling hand. "I do not like it."

As time went by, her old age became more and more visible, and the pain she felt was increasing to the point where she was tired of taking a lot of medicine.

"But you need to eat, look at you." I pointed to her arm that was getting thinner, "Too skinny, you promised me, we would go outside to play some sport."

"What are you, a kid?" She shook her head but a small smile appeared on her rather dry lips, "I'm too old to play some sport outside... I don't think I can do that in the end."

Her voice was sad when she said that as if something was blocking my throat. "W-What are you saying, you're not that old." Even if I forced myself, I couldn't stop stuttering.

We both know that she is right, that she will never keep her promise in the end.

"I'm still alive, why are you crying?" She touched my cheek and wiped the tears that were falling.

I didn't even notice that I was already crying, it was too painful for me to think that what I was afraid of would happen soon.

"I... I don't think I can let you go." My voice trembled as I closed my eyes tightly, I felt the warmth of her wrinkled hand holding my cheek.

"You need to learn how to let go, Lorain." She whispered, "Even if I die, I know you can do it.”

The sound of my cry became louder and to suppress, every word she uttered was like a knife sinking into my chest. Words that say goodbye, words that say she's ready.

"By the way, I asked one of the nurses to buy me something." She withdrew her hand that was holding my cheek and looked for what she bought, it was still in a paper bag. "Here, this is actually for you."

I accepted it with hesitation, "what is this for?" My voice is a bit hoarse from crying.

"It's my gift for you, happy birthday!" She gave a sweet smile at the same time as a cheerful greeting even though it was difficult for her to speak.

I bit my bottom lip hard, "thank you!" I hugged her tightly, "thank you so much."

"You are welcome, oh!" She gently pushed me away from her, "My birthday is tomorrow, I want a gift too."

"B-but I don't have anything right now. To be honest, I plan to buy a gift later.” I said confused but she touched me on both cheeks.

"I don't want a material gift, I want something. Can I say it?” I can see the desperation in her eyes.

All I could do was nod, "Okay, what is it?"

"Call me, mother." She smiled and said seriously.

My whole body trembled as if electricity had flowed through it. I wanted to cry while hugging her tightly, "M-Mother, mother..." Only words came out of my mouth over and over again.

I held her wrinkled hand while saying those words, for the first time, I saw her cry.

And… The last.

~

"Everything will be alright, Lorain." My co-workers patted me on the shoulder, we were all wearing black now. It was supposed to be her birthday, but she became unconscious.

I tried to wake her up to wish her a happy birthday, but I only got a cold hand. She didn't open her eyes again that once shed tears yesterday...

It hurts, it hurts so much that I almost forgot the last bitterness I experienced in the past years. My chest feels like it's being torn apart, all I want to do is cry.

"Ms. Lorain Santos?” A man in a black suit approached me, "I'm sorry to disturb you but, can I talk to you?"

I wiped the tears on my cheeks and faced him, "Can I ask who are you?"

"Oh, I'm her lawyer. I want you to talk about the legal agreement about her assets, do you have time?” He looked at me, waiting for an answer.

"I don't understand, why do you have to talk to me about it?" I answered confused and came closer to him.

He smiled and handed me some documents, "Ms. Hilton has no family, she wants you to inherit everything she owns.”

"What, why?" I can hardly understand the rest of what he is saying, I am shocked by what I am hearing.

"For her, you are her daughter." He smiled at me again, "You can read the document first, and also here." He handed me his business card, "in case you are not convinced that I'm her lawyer."

I looked at the documents he handed me earlier, I knew she was rich but I didn't think she had this much… "Are you sure, everything will be mine?"

"Yes, everything." He pointed to the bottom of the document, "All you need is to sign here." He added.

My tears flowed again, in the end... she didn't let me suffer, she didn't abandon me and she stood up as my real mother.

I have no right to accept it, but if it’s her last wish then, "If I sign here, I will be a Hilton?"

"It's your choice, you can do whatever you want."

"Okay, I will sign," I said seriously, this is what she wants so I will accept it wholeheartedly.

"That's good to hear, Ms. Santos?” He smiled mischievously, but his words were with uncertainty.

I also smiled, "Hilton, please call me, Ms. Hilton.”