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23 ~ Might Be Getting Sick

Author: Grace Kara
last update Last Updated: 2025-03-24 01:04:45

"It's not fair to him." Dr. Aaron persisted gently. "Or to yourself."

"Nothing about this is fair," I retorted, a flash of anger cutting through the exhaustion. "It's not fair that I'm dying at eighteen. It's not fair that I'll never graduate college or have a career or a family. It's not fair that I'm in love with my best friend and can't tell him because I don't want my death to destroy him."

The words hung in the air between us, the first time I'd admitted aloud what I felt for Rafael. Dr. Aaron's expression softened.

"Oh Sam..." he said quietly. "I'm so sorry."

A nurse interrupted, bringing another bag of antibiotics. While she checked my vitals, Dr. Aaron stepped out to call May, who would be waking up to my flimsy note by now.

Left alone, I closed my eyes, trying to block out the antiseptic smell and the beeping machines. I'd been in and out of hospitals my entire life, but this admission felt different—heavier, more final somehow. The beginning of the end.

My phone buzzed on th
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  • Dying to Love You   80 ~ Goodbye

    "I don't know how to do this," I confessed. "How to be here without you. How to wake up every morning knowing you won't be there. How to go through all the fucking motions of living when you're gone."I traced her name on the headstone, the letters cold and unyielding beneath my fingers. "But I promised. And you always said I never break my promises."It was true. In our decade of friendship and the few months as more than friends, I'd never once broken a promise to Sam. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant, if I said I'd do something, I did it. She'd trusted that about me completely."So I'll try..." I whispered. "I'll go to MIT like we planned. I'll build those robots we talked about. I'll look after Midnight."The mention of the cat brought a fresh wave of pain. Sam had rescued Midnight three years ago, a half starved stray who followed her home from the bakery. He'd become her shadow, seemingly aware of her illness in the uncanny way animals sometimes are. He'd curl up

  • Dying to Love You   79 ~ Why

    The quarry stretched before me, a gaping mouth of darkness swallowing the last traces of daylight. I folded Sam's letter carefully, tucking it into my jacket pocket, and walked to the edge of the cliff. Forty feet below, black water lapped against jagged rock, the same water where Sam and I had swum naked under the moon.I closed my eyes, feeling the emptiness yawn inside me. It would be so fucking easy. One quick turn of the handlebars, one moment of acceleration. Then nothing. No more ache. No more waking up to a world without her in it.I turned back to Persephone, my hand running along her sleek frame. Sam had named the motorcycle, claiming that since she sent me to the underworld regularly with my reckless driving, Persephone was the only appropriate choice. "Queen of the Underworld," she'd said, tracing the curves of the gas tank. "Beautiful but dangerous."Like Sam herself.I swung my leg over the seat, feeling the familiar vibration as the engine roared to life. The headlig

  • Dying to Love You   78 ~ Tears

    Sam's handwriting filled sheet after sheet, some portions written in her neat, careful script, others in a more hurried scrawl that I recognized from her bad days when breathing was difficult and concentration limited.{ My dearest Shade,If you're reading this, I'm gone. (Sorry for the cliché opening, but there's really no good way to start a letter like this)First, I want you to know how much I love you. Present tense, because even though I'm not there anymore, my love for you doesn't end just because I did. That's not how it works. Love doesn't disappear, it transforms. Maybe into memory, maybe into starlight, maybe just into the person left behind who carries it forward.I know you're angry right now. Angry at the world, at the disease, maybe even at me for leaving you. That's okay. I'd be furious too. Be angry. Throw things. Scream at the sky. Curse my name if you need to. I won't be offended, I promise.But don't stay there, Rafael. Don't let the anger harden into something per

  • Dying to Love You   77 ~ Final Words

    I considered telling him to go fuck himself, but the energy required seemed immense.Instead, I refilled my glass and followed him back into the living room.The next hour passed in a blur of meaningless conversations. I accepted condolences, nodded at stories about Sam, and drank steadily from both my glass and the flask. The alcohol dulled the edges of my consciousness but did nothing for the hollow ache in my chest."You doing ok?" Dr. Aaron asked, appearing at my side as I stared blindly out the back window."Fantastic," I replied flatly.He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know there's nothing I can say. Just... we're all worried about you.""Don't be." I took another drink. "I'm fine.""Rafael — ""She suffered," I interrupted, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. "At the end, she was in pain. Even with the morphine. You didn't see it because she hid it when you were there, but I saw. I was there all night, every night. I heard her crying when she thought

  • Dying to Love You   76 ~ Grave

    I didn't cry during the funeral. Not when they lowered her casket into the ground. Not when May completely broke down during her eulogy. Not even when Midnight, who I'd somehow smuggled into the cemetery inside my jacket, escaped my grasp to paw at the fresh dirt covering Sam's grave.I felt nothing. A vast, echoing emptiness where my heart used to be.The cemetery was packed, Sam had touched more lives than she'd ever realized. Her classmates, regulars from the bakery, even teachers who remembered the brilliant girl who'd never let her 'asthma' hold her back. Dr Aaron stood stoically beside his wife Karen, who kept shooting concerned glances my way. Damien hovered nearby, uncharacteristically subdued in a borrowed suit. Jennifer had closed shop for the day, bringing her entire staff to pay respects.Even Marcus showed up, standing at a respectful distance with red-rimmed eyes. I couldn't bring myself to hate him anymore. Not when I'd seen his genuine grief when the trial medication

  • Dying to Love You   75 ~ Gone

    By the time I finished, tears were streaming freely down my face. Sam reached up, brushing them away with trembling fingers."That's the most beautiful thing anyone's ever written for me," she whispered.I shook my head, unable to speak through the knot in my throat."Rafael," she said, her voice suddenly stronger, demanding my attention. "Look at me please.."I met her gaze, those brown eyes still so vibrant in her pale face."I need you to promise me something.""Anything," I repeated, meaning it completely."Live," she said simply. "Not just exist. Not just go through the motions. Really live, enough for both of us."I started to shake my head, but she pressed a finger to my lips."You can do it," she insisted. "You're the strongest person I've ever known, even if you don't see it. Promise me you'll try.""I promise," I whispered against her finger, the words a covenant I wasn't sure I could keep but would die trying.She smiled then, soft and sad and somehow peaceful. "I'm tired,

  • Dying to Love You   74 ~ Happy Birthday

    Sam stirred as the door closed behind the nurse, blinking sleepily at the transformed room."What.... how did you...?" Her eyes widened as she took in the decorations."Like it?" I asked, suddenly nervous. Maybe it was too much, too obvious a reminder of what we were celebrating, and what we were losing.But her face lit up, the most genuine smile I'd seen in days spreading across her pale features. "It's beautiful."I helped her sit up, adjusting pillows behind her back. "May's bringing you something to wear. Said your current fashion statement"—I gestured to the hospital gown— "wasn't birthday appropriate."As if on cue, May poked her head through the door, her arms full of bags. "Am I interrupting?""Never," Sam replied, holding out her arms for a hug.May set down her burdens and embraced her sister carefully, her eyes meeting mine over Sam's shoulder. I saw the same knowledge there that lived in my chest, the awareness that this might be the last birthday, the last hug, the last

  • Dying to Love You   73 ~ Balloons

    RAFAEL~I'd been awake since four in the morning, watching the sunrise from the uncomfortable vinyl chair beside Sam's hospital bed. The soft, golden light crept through the blinds, painting stripes across her sleeping face. Nineteen years ago today, she'd come into this world. I wasn't going to let her leave it without making today matter."You're staring again" she mumbled, eyes still closed."Can't help it." I leaned forward, brushing hair from her forehead. "Happy birthday, Sunny."She blinked awake, those brown eyes finding mine. Even after a week in the hospital, even with the oxygen tubes and the pallor of her skin, she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."Is it?" she asked, voice raspy. "Happy?"I forced a smile. "I'm gonna make sure it is."The doctors had pulled me aside yesterday, speaking in those careful, measured tones they use when delivering death sentences. Words like 'rapid deterioration' and 'comfort measures' that really meant she was slipping away

  • Dying to Love You   72 ~ Ending Too Soon

    Rafael's kisses grew deeper, more urgent, his tongue sliding against mine in a way that made me forget about oxygen tubes and IV lines. His hand slipped lower, skating across my stomach to the waistband of my pajama pants."Is this okay?" he asked, always careful, always checking."Yes." I breathed. "Please.."His fingers dipped beneath the elastic, finding me already wet for him. I bit my lip to keep from moaning as he stroked me, knowing exactly how to touch me after so many months together."Fuck I love you" he whispered against my neck, his fingers circling in that perfect rhythm that made my toes curl. "Love you so fucking much, Sunny."I clutched at his shoulders, rocking against his hand. "Love you too. Don't stop."He didn't, working me steadily toward the edge, his mouth capturing mine to swallow my gasps. Release crashed over me suddenly, my body tensing then melting as pleasure rippled outward.Rafael held me through it, murmuring soft praise against my skin until my breath

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