Kabanata 2
"Miguel… papasok ka ba ng opisina?" I ask him fearfully.
Kakagising niya pa lang pero nakikita ko na siyang may hawak na isang bote ng alak. My Miguel won't drink early as this. He want me to make him his coffee and eat breakfast with me in the table, serving me and taking care of me not this, walang emosyon at tanging masasamang titig lang ang binibigay sa'kin.
He kick the table making me jump in fear. "You go there if you want!"
"Sige… a-ano, a-ako nalang ang papasok ngayon." I shakingly whispered.
Mabuti nalang at nakaligo na ako ng maaga kanina. I know he won't go to his office today, I was also the one who attends the company yesterday and the other weeks dahil siya ay palaging busy sa pagsusugal.
Wala pa rin siyang pakialam at nakatunga parin sa alak. I prepare his breakfast before going upstairs to change clothes.
"Kumain ka na, Miguel." Mahina kung wika sa kanya pero ni isang salita ay wala man lang akong nakuha.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror. For two years I happen to receive Miguel's wrath and mischief ay ibang-iba na ang nakikita ko sa salamin. A broken woman who can't stand on her ground, defeated by love, oppressed by her husband yet accept all the bruises she got because of her stupidity in love.
Hindi na ako ang Clea na masayahin at palaban. Ako na ang bagong Clea na hindi nanlalaban. I wanted to defy my heart and Miguel's malbehaviour but I know I can't. Mahal ko, e.
Hanggang mahal ko, hindi ko muna susukuan. I know he is just severly affected because of his father inprisonment and what happened to the company these past years.
I put concealer to conceal the bruise of last night. Madalas ko itong ginagawa lalo na kapag lumalabas ng bahay. Behind my massive awra is a fragile wife willing to get bruised because of love.
"Laban ka lang, Clea darating din ang araw na ma-r-realize ni Miguel na dapat kang alaagan at hindi saktan."
I whispered to myself, telling her to continue life.
Walang nakakaalam ng lahat ng paghihirap ko rito sa loob ng bahay. People think I'm a lucky wife having a luxurious life given by her husband's wealth and power. No, I'm not. I'm no lucky, I can never hide nor conceal with my expensive and glamorous clothing the broken and bruised self I am when I am not around with people.
"Good morning, ma'am Clea." Manong guard greeted me with his utmost smile.
This day should get going… hindi dahilan ang sakit at pighati ko ngayon upang sukuan ang kompanya. I don't know how to run a company this big but for the sake of these people, who works here ay gagawa ako ng paraan para hindi ito tuluyang bumagsak.
"Magandang umaga din po, mang Lando. Ang ganda po ng ngiti ninyo ngayon."
I sincerely smile at him kaya nahihiya siyang nagkamot ng batok.
He shyly said, "mas maganda po kayo sa umaga ko, ma'am. Swerte po si sir Miguel sa inyo at napakaganda at bait niyo po!"
Mahaba niyang sabi kaya maliit na ngiti na lamang ang naibigay ko dahil sa kanyang sinabi. Tinapik ko siya sa balikat bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob.
I deep sigh. Another day Cleopatra.
"Si ma'am Clea na naman ang pumasok ano?"
"Kawawa naman si ma'am, hindi alam na nangangaliwa na pala ang asawa niya."
"Oo nga e, nakita ko si sir kagabi sa bar. May kalingkisang babae! I'm sure hindi si ma'am Clea 'yun."
"Wala pa kasing anak kaya kung sino-sinong babae ang pinagtataniman ng bata."
"Ito pa… nakita ko si sir no'ng isang araw sinundo ang kapatid ni sir Mikko, iyong Maui. Maganda naman pero higit na maganda si ma'am Clea."
Ipinikit ko nalang ang mata dahil sa narinig. I can't close my ears kaya para kahit paano mawala ang bigat sa kanilang sinabi ay ipipikit ko nalang.
I know what they're saying. It was all true. I'm all aware pero there are certain things I have a graps and right to middle with pero sa sitwasyon ko ngayon ay wala akong magawa.
Hindi nila ako nakikita kaya malalakas ang boses nila. Nadadaan ko kasi ang nakahilerang desk bago maabot ang pintuan ng opisina.
I saw Karen standing in front of my office door with her dark face and brows raised with our employees. She's my acting secretary dahil napasa sa Maynila ang secretary ni Miguel at inilipat ito sa main branch.
"Mga bruha! Ang iingay-ingay niyo sa umaga!" Malakas niyang sigaw sa mga empleyado making them stop what they are talking.
"Ma'am!"
Sabay nilang sigaw sa gulat ng makita nila akong nakatayo sa kanilang likuran. They all look pale.
I just nodded and walk fastly in my office door. Agad naman itong binuksan ni Karen at sumunod sa'kin na pumasok.
"Lintik talaga ang mga empleyado niyo, ang aaga naka-chismis na agad!"
Galit niyang sabi sa likuran ko pero mahina lang akong natawa. I put all my things in my table at umupo na.
Karen look at me suspectiously and ask, "may nangyari ba, Clea?"
Muling tumaas ang kilay niya pero marahan ko siyang inilingan at in-open ang computer sa harapan ko.
I shook my head. " May meeting ba ako ngayon?"
Hindi ko siya binigyan ng tingin 'cause I know she's studying me. Karen is my best friend and just one look at me, she will know things at ayaw kung malaman niya ang nangyari sa'kin kagabi.
She knew Miguel's foolishness but not how severe it is. Hindi niya alam na nabubugbog din ako ng asawa ko.
"Clea… alam ko kapag may problema ka. Sabihin mo na sa'kin, Gaga!"
Matigas niyang sabi sa'kin pero muli ko lang siyang inilingan at hindi na pinansin.
She sneered. " Tingnan mo ako sa mata, Caprice Cleopatra at sabihin mo sa'kin na wala kang problema."
But I didn't and continue doing my things. Ayaw ko dahil kilalang-kilala niya ako. Malalaman niya at magagalit siya.
"Anong nangyari dito?" Galit niyang taas sa kaliwa kung braso.
I immediately snapped back my shoulder dahil hindi naman ako naka-coat ngayon and I just covered my bruises with concealer.
Tiningnan ko ang braso ko at nakita ko nga na may sugat ito pero hindi naman ganoon kalaki. I'm just hoping Karen won't suspect me with anything.
"Wala…" mahina kung bulong.
She eyed me darkly at bumuntong-hininga ng malakas. "tell me when you're ready." She said gently and touch my hands comfortably. "I'll just prepare your schedule for the whole day and I will make you a coffee. Para kang bangag, Clea."
I know… I'm slowly losing my sense.
Ilang beses akong pumikitpikit dahil nahihilo ako sa harapan ng computer. I didn't have a long and proper sleep last night dahil sobrang hapdi ng kamay ko. Mabuti nalang at hindi nakita ni Karen ang kamay kung may sugat.
A phone call interrupted my work kaya kahit ayaw kung sagutin since I know it's mama Editta who's calling me ay wala akong magawa. She's my mother in law and I love her.
"Ma?"
"Anak! I need your help kasi nga may utang pang iniwan si papa Bernard mo ay sinisingil na ako."
I massaged my temple upon hearing her rants.
I grumble and ask her. " What can I help, ma?"
She's in Manila right now ranning away from all the troubles here on negros. Pero hindi ito tuluyang nakawala sa mga utang ni papa Bernard.
"Can I borrow at least half million, Clea? Alam mo naman kung gaano kalaki ang utang ni Bernard at hanggang dito sa Maynila sinusundan pa rin ako ng lahat ng pinagkakautangan niya."
Mahabang lintaya ni mama. How can I say no to the mother of the person I love and loathed at the same time. Hindi ko siya mahihindian dahil sa'kin lang naman siya kaagad hihingi ng tulong.
I saw Karen entering with a cup of coffee in her right hand, I just let her put the cup of coffee in my table.
I sigh and said, " I will wire you the money today, ma."
Papatayin na naman ako ni Miguel dahil sa pera. Our savings in our bank account is spent, ilang milyong peso na lamang iyon at papahiramin ko na naman si mama Editta. Madalas lahat ng hinihiram niyang pera ay hindi na naman naibabalik sa'kin. I understand her though.
Wala siyang trabaho at tanging maliit na business ng mga alahas lang ang pinagkakaabalahan niya ngayon sa Manila and it won't be enough to suffice all the debt papa Bernard has left.
"Thank you so much hija. Kiss Miguel for me. Bye, 'nak."
She ended the call and I loudly sigh.
"Was that Doña Editta?"
Nakataas na kilay na tanong sa'kin ni Karen, marahan akong tumango sa kanya at kinuha ang umuusok na kape na kanyang dala.
The smell of the brewed coffee make my aching temple relax a bit. I really don't know how to fix this. Ang papalubog na kompanya, ang pananakit pisikal ni Miguel, ang paulit-ulit na panghihiram ni mama Editta ng Pera.
Para ng sasabog ang utak ko sa daming iniisip.
"Wire her five hundred thousand, Ren. Gamitin mo nalang muna ang perang pinapaayos ko sa'yo no'ng isang araw. "
That money I let her keep in a separate bank account is all mine. Inipon ko 'yun pagkatapos mag-aral at no'ng okay pa ang relasyon namin ni Miguel. He didn't let me work but he always gave me some pero hindi ko naman nagagastos dahil nasa bahay lang naman ako at nagiging asawa lang.
Miguel's money, which he was so eager to have at sinasaktan pa ako ay inilipat ko din sa ibang bank name para hindi tuluyang maubos.
Kung maayos ko ang takbo ng kompanya ay nasisiguro kung maayos ang problema namin sa pera. I can help mama Editta with all papa Bernard's dept at baka maayos din ang problema namin ni Miguel at bumalik na siya sa dati.
She grawl and gave me another furious glare. "Jusko naman, Clea! Papahiramin mo na naman? Sarili mo pa talagang Pera…"
Problemadong reklamo niya at galit na galit akong tiningnan. Hindi ko naman mahindian ang ginang.
Ngumiti lang ako at umiling. " Hayaan mo na, Ren."
Hindi pa rin nawala ang masamang tingin niya, inirapan ako bago nagmartsa palabas ng opisina.
Indeed, no matter how tired we get as long as we provide for those we love at the end of the day we'll get going because of them.
KABANATA 3 Night falls yet I am still busy in my office, doing paper works. Madilim na sa labas, kita ko sa bintana ng opisina at unti-unti ng nagsi-uwian ang mga empleyado pero busy'ng-busy pa rin ako rito. "Hindi ka pa uuwi, Clea?" Nakasilip ni Karen sa pintuan ng opisina. Her eyes are curious and knowingly. I averted my gaze and slowly shook my head. "No. I still have papers to read and sign" I said. "Mauna ka na…" I added. She entered my office with her cocky looks, bore her gaze in me and glared at me with so much sinister writing in her face. "No! You stop working and we will go clubbing!" Malakas niyang hinampas ang lamesa making me flinch in shock. The hell with this woman! I look at her with awe and bewilderment, she's still looking at me furiously. Mabilis niyang hinablot sa'kin ang mouse ng computer, turn it off and fix my dissarange things at the top of my table, putting them all inside my bag. She humped and wiped the sweat forming in her forehead. I mass
KABANATA 4 I walk up with nausea. I wanted to vomit, so I hurriedly got up and ran to the comfort room. I thought I was just tipsy, so I thought. The gurgling sound in my stomach is impalpable. Lumabas ako at kitang-kita ko na ang sikat na sikat ng araw. The beam of the sun infiltrate through the glass window as the curtains are rolled in the side of the wall. Pumipikit-pikit kung hinilot ang sintido dahil sa sobrang sakit. Gusto kung uminom ng mainit na mainit kape para mahimasmasan man lang ako. Gad! Tequila really hits different at ilang buwan na rin ng huli akong uminom. I'm getting rusty in alcohol, I guess. The whole house is quiet, I didn't see Miguel when I woke up and I think he left so early. Hindi ko na dapat sabihin kung saan. He's always out early and gets home late at night drunk and crazy. Pumasok ako sa kusina only to my horror! A gorgeous monster is busy chopping onions in the sink, his bare chest is covered with only an apron, underneath is just his boxer
Kabanata 5 Standing on his black monterio is the monster himself. He stood with a written annoyance waiting for me outside the office. I peeked in my office window as he was bored waiting for me outside. "Tanga ka Clea, tingnan mo 'yang mata mo! Galak na galak lang?" Kinurot ako ni Karen ng makita niyang nakasilip ako sa bintana and I know how my eyes are glistening with happiness as my stare bore toward the peeve monster as he is now playing his tongue, hands both inside his jeans' pocket. He's like those versions of mafias I read in books. Elegant, intimidating, and he has the body of the Gods in mount Olympus. Can't get over him. I snap my gaze out of my husband and haughtily smile at Karen. "I'm happy he's waiting for me today." Bumalik ulit ako sa swivel chair and I saw how Karen rolled her eyes back and fourth as to what I said. "Minsan Clea tingnan mo rin kung may magbabago ba talaga. Aren't you curious as to why he is giving you care and attention again?" Of course
KABANATA 6/revised Hindi ko napigilan na muling bumuhos ang luha sa aking mga mata. Indeed I am being played by my husband so well. My heart is breaking little by little and I don't think I can ever survive from this heartbreak. I couldn't believe I am easily fooled and Miguel, of all the people I love he is the least I expected to break me like this. I thought he's meeting with Mr. Shintaro pero iba pala ang ka-meeting ng bwesit na 'yun. I just learned that Mr. Shintaro can't make his deal this week dahil na-ospital daw ang asawa nito. The liar just tricked me! I just learned it today ng makita ko sa post ng isa kung mutual friend ang picture ni Miguel at ni Maureen sa isang resto sa Cebu. Mother fucker fool! I want to lunge them. Gustong-gusto ko silang saktan pero nadudurog ako. Gusto kung sampalin ng sampalin si Maui para matauhan siya na kabit siya at may asawa ang pinapatulan niyang lalaki. "Ren… why did you call?" I asked her on the other line. My tears are now starti
KABANATA 7 Walang naging maayos na tulog si Clea ng gabi ding 'yun. She was thinking so much of things and sleep doesn't want to come in her way. Buong gabi niyang iniisip ang pwedeng mangyari kay Miguel kapag nakita ito ng kuya niya. Cleopton, Clea's brother is just as heartless as Miguel. Tanging malalapit lamang na mga tao ang nakaka-alam n'un and if her brother is in a relationship to her best friend then Karen must really have the heart of his brother. Kinabukasan ay bangag siyang gumising at nagluto ng almusal upang makapunta na sa opisina kahit kulang na kulang siya sa tulog ay pinili niya paring magtrabaho at tapusin ang mga paper works na naiwan niya doon. Nakarating siya sa opisina at katulad lang kung ano ang nangyayari pagkapasok niya ay ang mga bulungan ng mga trabahanteng tila wala ng magawang iba at gusto ng pag-chismisan ang nangyayari sa buhay niya at ng asawa but as usual she didn't mind and continue walking towards her office and no one is there because surely Kar
KABANATA 8 Mag-uumaga na ng nakarating si Clea sa hospital kung saan naka-confine ang asawang si Miguel. Kahit pagod sa biyahe ay pinili niyang dumiretso sa ospital instead of finding a hotel nearby for a rest, galing airport nagpahagid siya ng taxi papuntang Medical hospital at pagkarating niya doon ay agad niyang tinanong ang nurse sa reception kung anong room number si Miguel. It was in the third floor, room 58. "Mikko" wika niya sa lalaking nagbabantay sa kaniyang asawa ng mabungaran niya itong natutulog sa sofa. Mikko is Miguel's best friend. "What are you doin' here Clea? Did you saw how your brother almost killed Miguel huh?" Galit itong bumagon na nagpupungas-pungas pa. She knew she never got close to Mikko at tiningnan niya ang kalagayan ng asawa at nanlumo siya dahil bugbog sirado ito. Her kuya really did injured her husband so well. "You can now go Mikko, I will be the one who will take care of Miguel baka may importante ka pang lakad bukas. Maraming salamat" binitawa
KABANATA 6/revised Hindi ko napigilan na muling bumuhos ang luha sa aking mga mata. Indeed I am being played by my husband so well. My heart is breaking little by little and I don't think I can ever survive from this heartbreak. I couldn't believe I am easily fooled and Miguel, of all the people I love he is the least I expected to break me like this. I thought he's meeting with Mr. Shintaro pero iba pala ang ka-meeting ng bwesit na 'yun. I just learned that Mr. Shintaro can't make his deal this week dahil na-ospital daw ang asawa nito. The liar just tricked me! I just learned it today ng makita ko sa post ng isa kung mutual friend ang picture ni Miguel at ni Maureen sa isang resto sa Cebu. Mother fucker fool! I want to lunge them. Gustong-gusto ko silang saktan pero nadudurog ako. Gusto kung sampalin ng sampalin si Maui para matauhan siya na kabit siya at may asawa ang pinapatulan niyang lalaki. "Ren… why did you call?" I asked her on the other line. My tears are now starti
Kabanata 7/revised Sleep didn't come in my way. I'm just stagged in front of the ceiling counting sheep inside my head, hoping that my eyes would close and sleep would come. Buong araw akong nasa-opisina. I'm tired but the thoughts inside my head are overwhelming that rest seems so vague to happen tonight. Seems like this night is one of the many sleepless nights I need to deal with again. My thoughts are far, turbulent and I don't know. I can't explain what I am really feeling. I feel like my head is going to explode. My heart is getting numb and I just want to close my eyes, forget everything. The pain, the sadness and that grief of having someone yet you don't know them at all. Nandidito pa si Miguel pero pakiramdam ko ang layo-layo na n'ya sa'kin. His love, it became so uncertain. His promises seem forgotten and I am alone in this house where I once called home. Pero ngayon, hindi na ito tahanan, pansamantala na lang itong silungan because the person who I used to share bed wi